~
Seeing her face, even if it is across a crowded hallway, makes the day brighter. Seeing the guy next to her, making her laugh, makes the day turn darker than the dead of night.
It drives me f**king crazy. I should be the one walking beside her, making her laugh and wrapping my arm around her shoulders. Not that f**king ass**le.
I lean against the wall, waiting and watching as they come closer. She shrugs his arm off, adjusts her books and rests them against her hip. The hip that’s between them. She tucks some hair behind her ear, making her face more visible to me.
Her blue eyes collide with mine for a second, but her facial expression doesn’t change, and neither does mine. Any twitch of lip, any blink of an eye, any movement of our bodies is all it would take to out us. We both know that.
The stakes of this game are high.
They’re too high, and it makes me wonder if it’s worth it. If it’s worth the lying and sneaking around. Then I look at her. I get a glimpse into her eyes and a twitch of a smile from her, and I know there’s no chance I can stop playing this f**ked up game.
She drops her gaze as she walks past, and I drop mine to her ass. Her jeans hug it tightly, and I remember what it’s like to hold it as she moves against me.
The more time I spend around her or thinking of her, the more I need her – the more I need the peace she can bring me. The more I need the complete and utter silence she brings me when she’s tucked tight in my arms. The more I need to prove that I’m not my mom, that I’m more than a whore’s son, born to be a whore myself. The more I need to prove to myself that I’m more than that – just like I did last night.
I’m not good enough for Megan. I know that. I’ll never be enough for her, and it’s best for her if she packs her bags and runs in the opposite direction screaming for her life. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to let her in the way she wants. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to tell her all of me, let her know all of my past. I don’t know if the shaking little boy inside, stuck in a hall of horrifying memories will ever be able to break free from that and let me be with her completely.
But I still won’t use her the way I’ve used girls for so long.
I would rather lose her entirely than use her for my own selfish needs.
The halls are almost empty when the dick walking with her disappears into his class and leaves her standing alone. I grab my cell from my pocket.
You have class?
I watch her as she takes her own from her bag. No, she sends back instantly, leaning against the wall. I shove the phone back into my jeans and walk in her direction.
“Football field,” I mutter. “Five minutes.”
I can’t look back to see if she responds no matter how much I want to. I just have to hope she’ll get that pretty little ass down there.
I push open the double doors and almost walk into Ryan.
“Took your f**kin’ time,” he mutters.
“Don’t start your girly shit with me today, man,” I warn him. “I never said what time I’d be done.”
“What? Didn’t bag a girl in class to scratch your itch?”
“Why would I? You know I only pull that shit at weekends. You aren’t the only one with grades to keep.”
“You mean you actually have grades?”
“You’re a dick, Ryan.” I shake my head. “And yeah, if you must know, I graduated high school with a GPA of 3.8, so f**k you.”
“Shit! That’s higher than mine!” he exclaims. “I barely scraped a 3.4 to get in here from out of state! How the hell did you manage that?”
“My gramps was probably a better teacher than the poor shits that got stuck with your ass,” I reply. “That’s how I managed it.”
“Did you not go to school at all?”
“I went the last two years, and that’s it. It was easy as hell. I’d already learned most of it, so I spent it f**king about and surprising the hell out of my teachers with near perfect scores on most tests.”
“I never knew that.” He pushes the door open and we step into the house.
“Why would you? You all assume my brain is in my dick. Hey,” I pause and shove my book in his direction. “Take these.”
“The f**k?”
“I left something in class rushing to meet you. I’ll be back in a minute.” I spin and leave the house. All I can focus on is getting to the football field – and if I’d stayed two seconds longer Ryan would have kept me there.
When I’m out the view of the house I break into a jog, detouring around the campus buildings instead of going through them. Fucking hell, why does the damn field have to be on the other side of this place?
There’s some guys running around on the field, but I can’t see Megan anywhere until I scan the bleachers. She’s standing under them, looking between the seats on to the field.
I smirk and silently jog to her, placing my hands on her sides. I touch my lips to the side of her neck, and she turns her face into me.
“You know,” she whispers, “I feel like I’m back in high school.” She spins in my hold and looks up at me.
“Who were you meeting under the bleachers in high school?” I raise my eyebrows.
“Only every guy I’ve ever dated. And apparently you’re no exception.”
“So we’re dating?”
She slips her hands up my chest and clasps them around my neck, her face coming close to mine. “Unless you’re in the habit of creeping through girl’s windows, I’d say so.”
My lips twitch on both sides. “No habit here.”
Apart from her. Megan Harper is my habit and she’s one I stand no chance of breaking. I have yet to decide if it’s good or bad.
“Why are we here?” she asks and pauses. She smiles. “Oh. I get it. You’ve got a case of the caveman.”
“Bullshit,” I fire back, pulling her body closer to mine and kissing her. “I wanted to see you without us bitching at each other. You complaining?”
“No.” She kisses me again. “But admit it, Aston. You saw Tom with his arm over my shoulders and got pissed off. That’s why you text me.”
Her eyebrows are arched over her amused blue eyes, her lips half-pursed and half-smiling. I stare at her for a moment and give in.
“A little,” I admit. “I f**king hated seeing that prick with his hands on you.”
Megan brings her hand to my head and touches my cheek. “A lot,” she corrects me. “You looked like you were ready to drag me out of there by my ear just to get me away from him. I hate to say it but you’ll have to get used to it.”