“Why would I go?” I frown.
He sighs, finally releasing my wrists and linking our fingers. “Because my past is different to yours, Megan. We come from two different places. We have two completely different stories–”
I shake my head. “You really believe that shit? Do you?”
He doesn’t move.
“You think your past will change the way I think about you? The way I feel? Because it won’t. It won’t change a goddamn thing!”
“Megan–”
I shake my head again, snatch my hands from his, and shove him away. I lean against the window and look out between the gaps in the curtains. “I’m not gonna walk away, Aston. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I’m in too far already. Whatever it is that’s inside you and that’s eating away at you … I want to know. I need to know for us.”
I hear his steps as he crosses the room and feel the warmth of his body as he presses against my back. He rests his hands on my hips. They slowly creep round to my stomach, flattening out, and he buries his face in the side of my hair. I lean back into him, struggling with the rollercoaster of emotions running through my body.
“We’re different, Megs,” he whispers. “Too different. Even now we have to hide this.”
“We only have to hide it because Braden will kick our asses, but we can’t hide it forever.”
“I don’t want to hide this. I don’t wanna hide you. Every guy that looks at you … I hate it. I hate the way they look at you like they just wanna f**k your brains out. It drives me f**king insane.”
“The way you used to look at me, you mean?” I tease, smiling a little.
He laughs hollowly, turning me around. I wrap my arms around his waist and lay my head against his bare chest. I listen to the beating of his heart, harsh and frantic.
“Yeah, the way I used to look at you until I did sleep with you. Fuck, Megs, when I kissed you I realized that wasn’t all I wanted from you. It wasn’t all I needed from you.” His voice rumbles in his chest and he presses his lips to the top of my head.
“Then let me be what you need,” I beg. “Don’t think about Braden, or keeping this a secret, or where we come from. All that matters is we’re here now and I’m here now. Let me be what you need me to be. Stop pushing me away, Aston, ‘cause even though I should let it go I can’t. I’ll always come back.”
His chest heaves with the force of his breath. “I will. I’ll tell you everything. But not today, Megs. Soon. But not today.”
I shut my eyes briefly. “You promise?”
Aston slides a hand up my back, over my shoulder, and cups my chin. He raises my face slightly, bending his down, and I meet his gray eyes. “I promise.”
~
This is a mess.
I smile politely at the guy across the table from me. Date two on Lila’s “Operation Get Megan a Boyfriend” and it’s no better than the first. If I’m honest, it’s even worse.
And it’s not even the guy. No, Callum is lovely. He’s sweet, he’s hot, and he’s funny. He’s pretty much the perfect guy – but he’s just not my perfect guy.
“Lila said you were an English major?” he asks, dipping his spoon into his ice-cream.
“Yeah. I’ve always loved literature so it makes sense to major in it.”
“What do you plan to do when you graduate? I know it’s a while away.” His lips quirk up to the side. “But it’s good to have a plan, you know?”
“Oh – I think I’ll probably end up teaching it.” I shrug. “Maybe I’ll go into publishing, I’m undecided exactly what. I’d like to write a book one day though. What about you?”
“I hope to get into Harvard Med. It’s not easy to do but I’m on the right track.”
Well done, Lila. Not only do you set me up with a junior, you pick the one that’s planning on going to the opposite side of the country in eighteen months.
“Wow. Quite the goal.” I smile.
“Hey – yours isn’t bad. At least you get to do what you love. My career choice is largely influenced by my family.”
“Oh.” Awkward. “It can’t be that bad, right? Or you wouldn’t do it?”
“No, it’s my second choice career, so it’s not hard.”
“What was your first?” Oh, God. Am I acting too interested? I don’t want to be rude but I don’t want him to think I’m interested. Dammit. This whole thing is one giant clusterfuck.
Aston walks past the window and double-takes. My eyes flick toward him, and I’m aware of Callum talking but I can’t really hear him. I’m too focused on the clenching of Aston’s fists and tightening of his jaw. He’s pissed off.
Really pissed off.
“Megan?” Callum waves a hand in front of my face and I look back at him.
“I’m sorry – I just saw a friend I’ve been trying to call. It’s kind of important.” I inwardly flinch at my own lie. “Do you mind if I run after him?”
“Um, sure. Not at all.”
“I’m so sorry.” I get up from the table and put a bill down. “Here – toward lunch. I’m sorry.”
I run out of the diner and after Aston, turning the same corner he did to leave the downtown area. I get to the end of the street and sigh. I can’t see him or his car – and I have no idea when I’ll get a chance to explain why he saw me having lunch with some other guy.
Damn Lila and Maddie and their stupid ideas!
I turn. Since I bailed on Callum heading back to campus is my best decision. And texting Aston would probably be a good idea. Damn secrecy.
I’m pulled down an alley and my back presses against cold bricks. Can’t move – someone’s heavy weight holds me back. Gray eyes capture mine before panic sets in.
“Do you make it a habit of sneaking up on girls?” I mutter.
“Only you,” he responds. “But I’ll be honest – I wasn’t expecting to come downtown and find you having f**king lunch with another goddamn guy.”
“Aston–”
“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t pissed, but then we’re not exactly exclusive so I guess–”
“Lila set it up,” I blurt out, silencing him. “She’s going all Austen’s Emma on me. She has this crazy idea that I need a boyfriend and is setting me up with guys she thinks Braden will be okay with. I can’t refuse or she’ll know something is up. I just turn up, talk, and that’s it. I don’t even give them my number. It’s all fake.”