Close enough to visit, far away enough for freedom. Far away enough not be the perfect little girl I was always expected to be. Granted, I failed that majorly as a kid.
I change into a tank top and bed shorts, ready to settle on my bed with some schoolwork. Mom may believe there are parties every weekend and she may be right there, but it doesn’t mean I’m at every party every weekend. Just one a weekend.
I blow out a long breath, ready to tackle the English essay awaiting me, and sit Indian-style. A knock sounds at my window before I can start, and I frown. My window?
I crawl over my bed and push open my curtain and–
Stare right into Aston’s face.
He grins.
“What the?” I push the window open. “Just … What?”
“Open the window before I fall out of this f**king tree!” he mutters, still grinning. I open it fully and sit back. He looks around quickly before hooking his leg over the windowsill and launching himself into my room. He falls face first onto the bed, and I lean over his legs to pull the window and curtains shut.
“Um,” I say as he gets up.
“What?” He kicks his shoes off and sits in front of me.
I look at the window and back to him, pointing between them both in confusion. “Did you actually just climb up a tree and through my window?”
“Yep.”
“Why?”
Aston puts his hands flat either side of me and leans forward, the tip of his nose barely touching mine. “Because I wanted to come see you.”
I raise an eyebrow, not moving. “Mhmm.”
“So since this whole thing is secret I thought I’d pull some ninja moves. I always wanted to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, y’know.” He leans forward, pressing his lips to mine, and I smile at his touch.
“Who were you?”
“Who was I?”
“Which turtle were you? Don’t you know you were defined by your choice of turtle?”
He sits back a little, his head tilted to the side. “Really?”
I nod. “Oh, yeah. You had to be the right turtle, or you weren’t cool at all. Who were you?”
His brows draw together slightly as he frowns. “Donnatello.”
“You were cool.” I press my hand to his cheek and smooth out the wrinkle in his forehead. “Why did you frown?”
“I don’t remem … I was thinking.” He shakes his head a little and takes my hand from his face, linking his fingers through mine. He looks at our clasped hands for a second, turning them slightly. His palm is rough and his hand is a lot bigger, almost encompassing mine completely.
Silence stretches between us for a second, and I flick my eyes up to his. He’s frowning again, his light gray eyes darker. His lips are pursed and his grip on my hand tightens, making me flex my fingers.
“Aston?” I ask softly, my free hand hovering between us, unsure of whether or not to touch him. I want to. A part of him looks vacant, so incredibly lost it’s not even there, and I want to grab him and keep him in together.
He loosens his grip on my hand and focuses his eyes on mine. “Sorry … I just … Thought of something. It doesn’t matter.”
“Are you okay?” I shuffle a little closer to him, my hand deciding to rest against his neck.
He nods. “I’m … Fine.”
I pull his face down to mine and touch my mouth to his softly. His hand snakes to my back, pulling me against him, and I find my body flush against his. He leans me back, slowly lowering my body against my bed, and lies over me. I run my foot along his leg as he runs his tongue through my mouth, kissing me the same way he did last night.
Deeply. Desperately.
And he pulls away, resting his forehead against my shoulder briefly, and he takes his hands from mine. He shoves himself up and walks across the room without a word.
What? What just happened?
I sit up, my confused eyes on him as he presses his hands against his forehead and takes a few deep breaths. “Aston?”
“I won’t do it,” he mutters, digging his hands into his forehead. “I won’t do it.”
So many things are going around my mind I don’t even know if I can put them into words. I’m staring at him and his hunched shoulders, his tensed muscles, and I have no idea what he means.
“Do what?” I ask quietly.
“I won’t … Use you. Not like that. Not. That. Way. Not anymore.” He drops his hands and exhales raggedly. “Not you.” His hands are shaking by his sides, and as if he knows I can see it he clenches his fists.
I stand and quietly move across the room, stopping just behind him. I wrap my hand around one of his clenched fists and lean my cheek against his shoulder, my other hand wrapping around his front. I splay my fingers against his stomach, feeling his whole body heave as he takes deep breaths. He drops his head back against my shoulder, turning his face into my hair, and shudders.
This is a side I’ve never seen. Granted, I’ve never seen the side of Aston that climbs through a window, either, but this … This feels like a stranger. This feels like an Aston that should only exist in a parallel universe. This feels like nothing I ever imagined he could be.
Only I don’t know what he is. I thought he was a “get what you see and see what you get” kinda guy. Now I think I was wrong. Now I think – no, I know – there’s a side to him he’s never shown anyone, that he keeps buried deep inside. Judging by the tightness of his body, the pounding of his heart, and his slightly erratic breathing, it’s a side he doesn’t want shown.
But it’s a side I want to see. A side I want to know. A side a part of me wants to fix, because something tells me it’s a side that’s a little bit broken.
Chapter Ten - Aston
You’re worth nothing. You’re no better than your whore of a mother.
Her body against mine. Hand on hand. Skin on skin.
You think anyone will ever want you, you brat? They won’t.
The softness of her hand against mine.
You are nothing.
The gentle aroma of vanilla that’s settling on her hair.
No one will want you. Megan. You’re no better than her. I’m not there. Little rat. I’m here. With Megan.
Megan.
The warmth of her body against my back grounds me, holding me in the now when all my mind wants to do is give in and go back. Give in and go back to the time of my life I don’t want anyone exposed to. The time I don’t want Megan exposed to.
I know I need to leave. Now. I need to push her window open and climb down that f**king tree.