But I still trusted him. I still fell in love with him, and now I'm in too deep to get out.
I slide down the shower door to the tiled floor. I curl up and sit in the corner, silently. No water running. No crying. No whispered pleas to myself.
Just me, and the sound of a broken heart that's still beating.
~
The moon shines through the kitchen window as I pad my way down the stairs. I've avoided my family since they got back from the hospital and I kicked Bing out of my room. I sigh. Maybe I was a little hard on him. Maybe.. The jury is still out on that one.
I pull the chocolate milk from the fridge and stand by the sliding glass doors, looking out at the garden and drinking from the carton. I smile ever so slightly at what Gram would say. She'd tell me to 'get a bloody glass and drink it normally!' then proceed to drink it from the carton herself.
I giggle slightly and rest my forehead against the cold glass. My breath blows across it, frosting it up. I trace the pattern of my tattoo on it, the heart, the lines through the centre and the dots on the side. Unconditional love.
Forever. Always. Infinity.
The kind of love I have for Grammy. I trace the symbol another three times, basking in the silence of the cottage. I look outside. Stars.. the moon.. the stars.
Alec.
No. I close my eyes. No.
''You're up late.. Early.'' Mum says softly behind me.
''I couldn't sleep,'' I reply, turning round slowly.
She nods and smiles sadly. ''Me either. I rang the hospital.''
''How is she?'' I look up into her eyes.
''No change.'' She traces a pattern absently on the kitchen counter. ''No change is better than a bad change, I guess.''
''Yeah. Mum, I'm sorry for earlier-''
''Don't be.'' She meets my eyes. ''Don't ever be sorry for hurting, baby girl. Don't ever be afraid to cry. Tears are the soothing balm for the soul, the mother's magic kiss on a grazed knee. You have twice the pain because your heart is broken too. And Lexy, baby, I am sorry we didn't tell you, I really am.'' She steps towards me and strokes my face gently. ''She wanted to tell you herself when she was ready. I should have made her tell you because now..''
''He made the decision not to tell me. Not you, not Gram. He could have tried harder,'' I say sadly, feeling my heart break all over again. ''He told me he loves me, do you know that? He begged me to believe him, to let him take the pain away. But Mum.. He lied, didn't he? Because you don't keep stuff like that from the person you love, do you? You don't keep secrets.''
''What would you have done, if you were him?'' She raises an eyebrow. ''Would you have told you, or would you have kept that smile on your face? You're right. You don't keep secrets from the person you love, but you don't hurt them either. The person you love becomes the centre of your universe and you'd do anything to protect them. He wasn't lying to you, baby girl, he was protecting you from the pain he knew you'd feel when you found out.''
'I didn't tell you because there isn't a single part of me that could bear to see the pain in your eyes that's there now.'
I nod once at Mum and turn my attention back to the garden.
''Remember the look in his eyes whenever he saw you, the way he would look at you,'' Mum pushes softly and backs from the room. ''If you think he really did lie to you, then maybe, you didn't really know him that well at all.''
And then.. Silence, again.
Do I know Alec? Yes. I do.
Do I believe he'd hurt me deliberately? I.. I.. No, not really.
But sometimes, no matter how much you believe something, it doesn't change what's already happened. He has hurt me, and for me, that's the bottom line. The end of a simple boy meets girl love story.
Not quite Romeo and Juliet, but close enough.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
ALEXIS
There might as well be a huge rain cloud hanging over the cottage, thick, dark and heavy. Without Grammy the old building has no life, no soul.
My foot taps against the floor as I stare at the clock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Round and round the arms go, never stopping, never ending, ticking away every second of your life. If it does stop it's simple. You simply replace the batteries, give it another lease of life, but it doesn't stop ticking away.
No. Time doesn't stop just because your life has. The world doesn't stop spinning just because yours is upside down.
''She's coming round,'' Mum says softly, a small smile daring to play on her lips. ''They expect her to be fully awake in an hour or so.''
''Does that mean we can go and see her?'' I look away from the clock.
She smiles in response and I nod.
''I..''
''You don't have to, baby girl. She'll understand. You can see her tomorrow.'' Dad squeezes my shoulder and I smile gratefully.
''Thanks, Dad.'' I turn to my brother. ''Are you going?''
He shrugs one shoulder. ''I guess I did promise her Vino.''
''I don't think they'll accept that as an excuse in ICU, Sam.'' Dad half-smiles.
''I was kidding. I guess I'll come see her. I don't want her getting excited though.''
''Excited? Gram? Never.'' I roll my eyes and everyone laughs.
''Come on then.'' Mum claps her hands. ''By the time we've got into Barnstaple and had coffee she'll be ready for us.''
''Hospital coffee?'' Dad mumbles to himself and kisses my head. ''Why does she torture me this way?''
I giggle slightly and the sound surprises me. I guess I got all my sadness out last night.
''Be safe, baby girl.'' Mum kisses my cheek and they leave, Bing sending me a wary look. The door shuts with a deafening sound and I'm alone in the cottage.
I walk from room to room downstairs. Gram's trinkets line shelves, surfaces, family pictures cover every wall. The cottage is so her, so delicate yet so lively at the same time.
Delicate.. I never imagined I'd have to think of her as delicate. But she is. She's delicate like the first snowflake falling from the sky at winter, a single touch and it's gone.
ALEC
I amble downstairs looking like shit because I haven't slept. Every time I shut my eyes I see her face the moment she realised I'd lied. I'd betrayed her by not telling her. The moment I broke her heart.
I rub the back of my head and I hear a cough from the corner of the room.
''You look like shit, boy.'' Gran says, glancing up from the clicking of her knitting needles.
''Gee, thanks, Gran,'' I snap. ''You really know how to make a guy feel good. What are you doing here?''
''Just callin' it as I see it, Alec. Waiting for your Mum to take me shopping, same as I do every week, lad.'' Click click. ''What did you do?''
''Why do you assume I've done something?''
''Because you usually have. Got drunk, annoyed someone's daughter because you slept with them and threw them into the trash pile. There's always something, and it's always your fault.'' Click click. ''It's different this time, though, isn't it? But it's still your fault.''