"What do we do now?" Bing asks, his voice cracking.
Even my hardened big brother is breaking.
"We wait," Dad says softly.
So we wait.
~
And we wait.
~
And we wait.
~
After what seems like a lifetime, the doctor approaches us with clipboard in hand.
"Mrs. Edwards?" He looks at Mum.
"Yes, that's me." She stands and shakes his outstretched hand.
"I'm Doctor Hamilton, your mother's physician. Is this your family?"
"Yes, my husband Simon, and our children, Samuel and Alexis."
Dr. Hamilton shakes all our hands. "I'm just coming to let you know that we're about to transfer your mother to ICU. Our tests have shown she's suffered a particularly nasty heart attack, most likely triggered by her heart disease, so we've decided the best option was to sedate her for twenty-four hours. She's in a stable condition for now, so we have our fingers crossed she'll wake sometime tomorrow. If you head on up to ICU in about twenty minutes, you'll be able to pop in and see her."
Mum thanks him profusely and he nods his goodbye.
ICU.
Intensive care.
Sedated.
Heart attack.
Numbly, I follow my family down the corridors. They're all the same.
White.
Bland.
Plain.
Clinical.
The lift doors whir open outside ICU. I don't remember stepping inside it.
We wash our hands with the gel stationed outside the locked doors and we get buzzed in.
I slip my hand into Bing's and he squeezes it gently.
Mum pulls the curtains open and I hear her small gasp. Dad puts his arm around her shoulders and I close my eyes. I don't want to look.
I don't want to see her.
"I can't do it," I whisper hoarsely. "I can't."
"You can. Just a look and I'll take you home. I'll drive back for the 'rents." Bing tugs me forward and I slowly open my eyes.
Tubes.
Machines.
Beeping.
They're everywhere.
Amongst them all is Gram. She's so still, so peaceful. I kiss her cheek gently, smelling her face powder.
Of course. Only Grammy would time a heart attack for after she'd applied her powder.
I half laugh, half choke on my tears at my thoughts.
"Love you," I whisper to her. "But I can't stay, Grammy. I don't like seeing you this way. I'll be back tomorrow, so you wake up and I promise you can tease me about Alec all you like and remind me how you were right."
Bing says something along the same lines, minus the part about Alec and plus a bottle of Baileys or Vino.
If anything will wake her up, it's the promise of Vino.
~
Ten missed calls. Fifteen text messages. Four voice mails.
Jen. Alec. Carl.
Where are you?
Is your gram okay?
Princess you there? xxx
Mrs Banks saw the ambulance. Call me Princess xxx
The texts are all the same. I don't bother listening to the voice mails they've left. Instead, I scroll down to Alec's name in my contacts and hit the call button.
"Princess, is everything okay?"
The sound of his concerned voice travels to my ears and I break again.
"Meet.. Me.. Bay," I manage between my sobs.
"I'll pick you up in five minutes,'' he says and clicks off. I nod although he can't see me.
He can't take the pain away, but he can sure make it better.
I move into the bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror. My dark hair is a mess, my cheeks are blotchy and my eyes are swollen from crying. I splash my face with cold water, trying to compose myself. Grammy's face products are lined up on the tiled shelf, staring at me. I glare at them, like it makes a difference, and slam the door on my way out.
Alec is waiting outside when I open the front door. He takes one look at me and wraps me in his arms. I cling to him like he's my lifeline, like I'm drifting out to sea and he's the only one who can save me. I squeeze my eyes shut and he strokes my hair gently, burying his face in it.
His touch soothes me where I need it. It grounds me again, and we stand there in each others arms until I feel strong enough to speak.
"Gram's had a heart attack," I manage.
"How is she?" He looks at me, his blue eyes shining with worry.
"She's in ICU. Till tomorrow at least." I get into his car. "I didn't stay long enough for the finer details. I hate hospitals."
He links our fingers over the gear stick and pulls away from the kerb.
"Me, too," he agrees. "Your parents are still there?"
"Yeah, Bing drove me back. He's there now getting them."
"You should have called, I would have come to get you."
"I didn't have my phone," I say quietly.
The beach looms ahead of me and I can already feel its effects. The sea breeze drifting past, the calming, steady beat of the waves as they claw their way up the sand.
I jump from the car as we stop and run to the rocks. My hands press against the rugged surface as the image of Gram flashes in my mind again. My knees buckle as strong arms go round me from behind and I spin, burying my face into Alec's chest as a fresh wave of tears come over me.
He lowers us gently to the sand, holding me tight against him.
"She has heart disease, and they didn't even tell me. They were expecting it to happen and they didn't tell me!" I cry, my voice gaining volume. "Even Bing knew! But me? No. No-one thought to tell Gram's girl."
"Sssh." Alec rocks me gently. "It was wrong. I wish you could have been told before this happened. I wish I could have told you."
I wish I could have told you.
The meaning of his words wash over me with a startling clarity.
He knew.
"You knew," I choke out and pull away. "You knew my Grandmother was dying and you didn't tell me!"
"Princess.'' He reaches for me but I shake my head and stand up.
"Don't you Princess me." I laugh bitterly and turn to walk away.
Betrayal laces through my body and my heart clenches. Everything we've shared together, everything we've said and done... He knew the whole time and he kept it from me.
I spin back around and march up to him, the waves increasing to a roar as they match the heightened emotion in my body.
"YOU KNEW!" I scream and shove his chest. He looks down and I push him again. "You've known from day one! She's probably dying and I didn't spend as much time with her as I could have! As I should have!"
"She didn't want you to know.'' He meets my eyes and I see the pain there but it doesn't register in my mind. All I can feel are my own, overwhelming emotions. "She wanted to watch you this summer, she wanted you to be happy."