"Then I'm glad she can't see this." I run my fingers through my hair. "How could you keep it from me? After everything? I. Gave. You. Everything, and you were hiding it all along!"
"I didn't want to see you hurt!" Alec shouts.
"Well it's too late!" I yell back at him. "Because now I have double the pain to deal with and no one to help me deal with it!"
"Lexy.."
"No, Alec! You don't get to do that anymore! You betrayed me, you lied to me." I finish quietly and walk backwards away from him. "You made me fall in love with you, then you ripped my heart out in the worst possible way."
My breathing is coming hard and fast and I can barely see through the tears in my eyes.
I've never felt a pain like this.
"Don't do this, Lexy," Alec says in a slightly anguished tone. "Don't walk away from me."
I swipe at my cheeks and shake my head again. "You destroyed any chance of me walking towards you when I found out you'd kept this from me."
I turn and begin to run across the sand, away from him, away from the pain.
"I love you!" he shouts. "I didn't tell you because there isn't a single part of me that could bear to see the pain in your eyes that's there now! I couldn't deal with the thought of tears coming from those pretty little eyes! But I guess it's karma I should f**k everything up with the one girl I've only ever wanted, right?"
He's right behind me now and I stop. The tears are falling quickly, burning pathways along my cheeks, reminding me of his betrayal.
Reminding me how he's broken my heart, like I always knew he would.
"I love you," he repeats quieter. "It wasn't exactly how I wanted to tell you how I feel, but I've said it now."
I can't turn to look at him because I know if I do, I'll collapse into his arms and I.. I can't do that.
Instead I whisper, "You don't keep secrets from the person you love."
A sob rips free from my chest and I sprint across the beach.
Away from him.
But not away from the breaking of my heart.
I can't escape that.
~
The cottage is empty as I reach it. I slam the front door behind me and lean against it, sliding slowly to the floor.
My heart is shattered. I can feel tiny pieces of it flowing through my blood, racking my body with pain. There isn't a part of me not affected by today. It's all I feel, all I think, all I know.
Tears fall from my eyes hard and fast, my chest rising and falling frantically with every breath.
I can't think-
I can't speak-
I can only cry.
My world has been tipped upside down, it's spinning on its own axis.
I'm broken. Alec has broken my heart, just like I always knew he would.
I was stupid to listen to him-
stupid to believe in him-
stupid to fall in love with him.
"Princess, let me explain!" Alec bangs on the front door and it shakes me. I ignore him. I can't deal with him.
I don't want to see him.
"I know you're there, Princess. I can see you sat behind the door. Please, baby, let me talk to you."
"I don't want to talk to you!" I shout through my tears. "Leave me alone!"
"Princess, please." He's begging now.
I want him to hold me. I want him to stroke my hair and take away the pain. I want him to kiss the tears from my eyes and promise me it'll be okay.
And I hate myself for it.
I hate that I still want him. I hate that I have to fight myself not to open the front door and collapse into his waiting arms.
"No, Alec," I say through my tears. "Leave me alone."
"I'm not going anywhere."
"Then you'll be there a long time." My head falls into my arms and another sob escapes me.
First Grammy, now Alec.
I don't know if I'll ever be whole again.
ALEC
I could kick myself.
The moment I saw the light leave her eyes I knew I'd f**ked up. I should have persuaded Vi to tell her weeks ago, but then it's not really the kind of thing you drop into a conversation is it?
I can hear her crying through the door. I feel helpless. I want to go to her, hold her, beg her to forgive me for keeping it from her. But I know she won't take it.
She's too strong, too independent. She's too damn stubborn.
But it's my fault, and only my fault. My own heart is clenching inside my chest and I rest my forehead against the door. I wish I could break through it. I wish I could reach for her and tuck her head under my chin.
I wish I could take everything back.
Except the I love you.
I'll never take that back.
I bang on the door again. ''I'm not going anywhere!''
''Then you'll be there for a long time!'' she calls back, her voice thick and heartbroken.
She's sobbing. Actually sobbing, great big heart wrenching sobs. My whole body tenses and I snap my eyes shut, holding them closed. My jaw clenches and I'm mad.
I'm angry. At myself, because it's my f**king fault.
I said I wasn't going anywhere. I lied. Again. I lied to her again.
I can't stay here, listening to her like that when she should be in my arms, crying into my shoulder, not f**king crying because of me. I should be wiping those tears and kissing the corners of her eyes.
Fuck. My chest tightens and I knock my fist against the door.
''Fine,'' I shout. ''Fine, you win, Lexy.''
I run my fingers through my hair and storm down the path to my car. I climb in, slamming the door and head back to the beach.
~
ALEXIS
Bing knocks on my door tentatively and I lift my head from my pillow slightly.
"Yeah?" My voice is thick with unshed tears.
My door eases open and he comes in slowly. He takes one look at me and his eyes narrow.
"What's happened?"
"You know." I put my head down and hug a pillow tight.
"No, what else? I'm not stupid, Lexy." He sits on the bed and pushes my hair from my face.
Clouds drift by my window slowly, morphing shapes.
"He knew," I say, tears filling my eyes again. I take a deep breath and laugh bitterly. "He knew, Bing, the whole f**king time, he knew! And you know what? He kept it from me. He lied."
Tears course down my cheeks and I shake as hopelessness races through my body like it's a high speed chase.
"Lexy.."
I shake my head and roll away from him, getting up.
"You knew!" I shout in a high voice. "You, Mum, Dad, Alec. You all f**king knew she was ill and you kept it from me! You all lied to me, Bing! Was I not good enough to know? Did you think it wouldn't hurt me when I found out? Were you ever gonna tell me, huh?"