***
Mom must have told the neighbors to expect Noah. They all oohed and ahhed over him, and some even had special little bags set aside with his name on it. Noah kept trying to eat the candy, but I made him wait. If I didn’t, Mel probably would have killed me.
By the time we finished the block, Noah was exhausted, and I ended up carrying him back to my parents’ house. I let him choose two pieces of candy, and he happily ate a pack of M&Ms and a mini Milky Way. He grabbed for a Snickers, so I went to stop him, but he was really just trying to give it to me. “Thanks, bud.” I ate it, and he grinned.
***
Mel dropped Noah and me off, and I left her standing outside with Cole. The two of them attempted awkward conversation all night, so I figured I’d let them have more of it.
I finally got Noah to bed around 7:45. That was only after reading him five books and getting him water. When I heard his breathing even out, I sighed with relief. Emily would be there soon, and I needed to show her I could handle him alone. I tried not to let Cole get to me, but I couldn’t help but worry that she saw it as the same thing.
I double checked the freezer again to make sure I had the right ice cream. It was the first time Emily was staying the night since Noah came back. I wanted her to feel at home. It probably seemed desperate, but stocking the kitchen with her favorite foods seemed like a good idea.
I’d just settled down in front of the TV when I heard Noah crying. I opened his door and he was sitting up in bed.
I sat down next to him. The nice thing about the bed at my place was that you didn’t need a rail or anything because it was so low to the ground. “You okay, buddy?”
“Dada.” I froze. Had he just called me what I thought he had? Noah really didn’t talk much yet. Maybe it was just the sounds.
He crawled into my lap, and I held him until he fell back to sleep. I tucked him in and closed the door to his room.
I knew that chances were it was just a sound, but what if it wasn’t? What if he was starting to consider me his dad? I’d only known him two months, but maybe that was a long time for a two-year-old.
I was still thinking about it when Emily came in twenty minutes later. I kissed her, loving that she was coming home to me like that.
“Sorry I’m late. I got a last minute admission.” She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. She must have changed at the hospital before leaving. “You said on the phone he had fun. Did he go down easily?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“Pretty much? Did he give you a hard time?” She glanced at the closed door to his room.
“He woke up once, but I got him back down.”
“Thank you.” She leaned up and kissed me. “I know I said it didn’t matter, but I’m glad he got to do something fun on Halloween.”
“We had a good time.”
“I’m not surprised. He’s so crazy about you.”
“Does he think of me as his dad?” The words left my mouth without thinking.
She startled. “Why would you ask that?”
“He called me dada.”
“Oh. I’ve always called you Jake to him…”
“I know that. It just surprised me.”
“Surprised you in that it freaked you out?”
“No.” I answered honestly. “It just surprised me.”
“Well, maybe he was just babbling, or maybe he heard someone refer to you in that way.”
“Or maybe he thinks it…”
She searched my face. I could tell that she was trying to figure out where I was going with the conversation. “Maybe.”
She slipped off her shoes and collapsed on the couch.
“Do you think we’re playing house?”
She sat right up. “Umm, where’s this coming from?”
“Just answer me.”
“No. I can’t play house, I have a son. I also have a boyfriend, and I’m trying to balance things and make them work.”
“Okay, good. That’s how I feel.”
She picked at her nail nervously. “I’m trying to figure out if this is the beginning of the end.”
“What?” I sat down next to her.
“Are you freaking out about things moving too fast, and not wanting to deal with us?”
I shook my head. “No. No. Not at all.”
“Then what is it?”
I took her hand. “It’s probably the opposite thing you’re thinking.”
“Meaning?”
“Cole kind of scared me earlier. I mean, what happens if you dump me? Do I lose you both?”
She leaned against me. “Why would I dump you? Didn’t we just have this conversation last week?”
“And I told you I wasn’t going to leave you. You didn’t tell me that.” I hadn’t come to that realization until Noah surprised me with the word.
She picked her head up from my chest and looked me straight in the eye. “I can’t promise you nothing is ever going to change, because this is still new, but I don’t want to leave you. You make me happy in a way no one else ever has. I can promise that if you’re good for Noah, I’d never cut you out of his life.”
“But you might cut me out of yours?”
“No!” She squeezed my hand. “I’m not going to. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“I want you guys to move in with me.” I hadn’t planned to say it, but it just kind of came out.
“What?”
“I don’t want to just be part of your life a few days a week. I want to be all in.”
She moved away slightly. “We can’t just move in with you.”
“Why not?”
“Child care. Our sitters and his daycare are in Wilmington.”
“You’re still going to work there. You can take him to the same daycare. And we can find sitters here. I have the space. Yeah, you’d have to drive further to work, but wouldn’t it be worth it?”
She didn’t say anything for a minute. “Isn’t this a little fast?”
“Not for me. Besides, you’re trying to save money. With the money you’d save on rent, you’d be able to pay for school in no time. Or you could just let me—”
“No. Absolutely not. You’re not paying.”
“Fine.” I decided not to bring Austen up. It wouldn’t help.
“I don’t know. It’s a big decision, and I need to think about it.”
“Think about it. There’s no expiration on the offer.”