She crossed her arms. “How do you know that?”
“Because I can’t get enough of either of you, and no matter what you do, the damage is done. Noah and I like each other and that’s not going to change.”
“But what if you do get tired of us?” Once the tears started spilling down her face, I thought I was going to break in two.
“I can’t see the future, Emily, but I know that I’m not going anywhere. I love the man I am around you and Noah. I love the way you make me feel, and I love both of you. Why would I ever give that up?”
“Right now, we’re convenient.”
“Convenient?” I had to keep my anger reined in. If I got mad, Emily would get mad and it would be even worse.
“I don’t mean physically. Obviously, it’s hard to see each other. But be honest with yourself. Would you be with me if you had a car and could date other girls?”
“What?”
“I just mean, do you think it’s a coincidence that you finally decide to have a serious relationship when you can’t just pick up girls all the time?” She looked away again.
I grabbed her hand a little more roughly than I normally would, but she had to stop looking away. “No. It isn’t a coincidence. It’s because I finally met someone worth spending more time with. I don’t get it. What am I supposed to do to convince you that my feelings for you are real? Because if you have an answer, I’d really appreciate it right now.”
“I don’t know.” Her light tears turned into sobbing and I pulled her into my arms.
“What aren’t you telling me? This can’t be just because you’re afraid of me leaving.” I ran my hands over her back. I’d never seen her so upset before.
“I can’t talk about it now.” She didn’t need to say it was because of Noah.
“After he goes to bed?”
“Okay.”
To say the next few hours were torture is an understatement. Emily pulled it together enough to fool Noah, but I could tell she was breaking apart inside. All I wanted to do was make it better, but I understood she needed to keep some things from Noah.
Finally it was seven-thirty, and we put him to bed. I picked the book that night—Goodnight Construction Site.
“Again.” He pointed to the book once I closed it.
Emily shook her head. “No, baby. It’s bedtime.”
His bottom lip fell down, and he got that heartbreaking expression just before he started to wail.
“Come on, buddy. We’ll read it in the morning.” I pulled his blanket up.
“Sleep well, sweetheart.” Emily bent over and kissed his forehead.
I patted his legs through the blanket. “Night, buddy.”
He smiled. Just as we got ready to close the door, I remembered his night light. I was starting to get the whole bedtime routine thing down.
Emily changed into sweat pants to get more comfortable as I waited impatiently on the couch. I held open my arms as she came back into the room. “Come here.”
She went right into my arms and put her head on my chest.
I brushed her hair back from her face. “Are you ready to talk?”
“Yeah.” She didn’t pick up her head, and I was glad. If she wanted to be close, it meant the problem wasn’t me.
“I’m scared.”
“I can tell, but what are you scared of? You can’t be scared of me.”
“No, of course not.” She pressed the palm of her hand right over my heart. “I already told you a little bit about Tim.”
“Noah’s dad.”
“Yes.” She picked her head up and shifted away from me slightly. I didn’t like the distance between us, but maybe she needed it.
“I met him my senior year of high school. My friends and I went to a college party near the Ridgeview campus. He was older, and I thought he was everything I needed in a guy. I didn’t hook up with him that night or anything, but I gave him my number and he called the next day. I knew my parents would kill me for dating a guy in college, so I hid it from them. I dated Tim behind their back for months.” She paused like she was lost in thought.
“He made me feel good, special. I couldn’t believe he’d want to be with me when he could be with so many other girls. He pulled me out of my shell, got me to try new things. I knew he had anger issues, he’d get into fights a lot, but he was always so gentle with me. The one exception was when he broke my best guy friend’s nose because he drove me home from a party. I broke up with Tim for that, or I tried. I changed my mind when Tim broke down, telling me I was the only good thing in his life and that he needed me. I think I liked that. I wanted to be needed.”
Emily sounded so distant as she talked, like she was telling someone else’s story. I wondered if that was how it felt to her.
“He disappeared for a few days. When he suddenly reappeared, he told me he had to leave for basic training. That’s when I found out he’d gotten into some huge bar fight and instead of doing time, he had the option of enlisting in the Army. I thought we were over when he left, even though he insisted he wanted to make it work. I liked him a lot—maybe loved him, but I was okay with us moving apart. I just wanted to enjoy senior year, and the summer before starting nursing school. Things didn’t turn out that way.”
“That’s when you found out you were pregnant.” It was the first time I spoke. I knew what was coming.
“Yeah. I freaked out. How could I tell my parents about it when they didn’t even know I was dating anyone? After talking with my friends, I decided to write Tim a letter. I expected him to flip out. Instead, he came home from training with a ring. He acted like the pregnancy was the best news ever. It was like an answer to my prayers, I wasn’t going to be a single mom. The only catch was that Tim was stationed in Wilmington and we’d have to move.”
She stopped to take a drink of water. “We told my parents and, of course, they didn’t take it well. My dad told me I was making a huge mistake. He told me not to marry Tim. That I should stay home and let them help. I thought the best place for a baby was with both parents. My dad said Tim was trouble—but I didn’t listen.
“I started nursing school, and Tim was deployed to Afghanistan. Noah was born while he was away. A few months later, Tim was gone.” She wiped a tear off her face. I pulled her into my arms.
“I was devastated, but I knew I’d get through it. I had Mel, and Noah was a pretty easy baby. But then everything came crashing down. Out of nowhere, these guys showed up telling me that Tim owed them money. Lots of money. Even the death benefit from the Army couldn’t cover it.”