She gave me a small smile. “Do I really have a choice? You already tucked me in.”
“Not really.” I pulled her into my arms. “I was simply pretending to be a democracy.”
She snorted, but burrowed closer. “Fine, but are you going to wake up and then curse and apologize in the morning?”
“Nope.” My arms tightened around her. “I’m done fighting.”
She smiled up at me, her eyes shining. “Really?”
“Really.”
She smoothed a piece of my hair off my forehead. “So, uh, are we still just friends? Or…?”
I laughed and hauled her against my body. “Some friends might do that, but not me. We’re more than friends now, Ginger.”
“Do we have a name?” she asked, her voice soft.
Yeah. Mine was liar. Hers would be mad.
The guilt I’d been expecting had arrived right on schedule.
But for one simple night, I didn’t want to think about anything. Didn’t want to think about repercussions, or what her dad would say when he found out I hadn’t followed the rules. Even worse? What my dad would say. Would my actions ruin Dad’s chances at getting the big retirement pension?
No, I couldn’t let it. I’d find a way to fix this, but it started with telling Carrie the truth.
“I’m not sure yet, but I know this changed everything,” I said, kissing the top of her head. “Every f**king thing.”
Her fingers closed around my shoulders, holding on tight. She yawned loudly. “You don’t exactly sound happy about that.”
“I’m happy.” I swallowed all of my fears and doubts, trying to drown them out with a bright smile. “I have you. What more could I need?”
“How was drill?”
“Boring and utterly exhausting.” I hesitated, then added, “And I missed you.”
“I missed you, too.” She smiled and snuggled into the crook of my elbow. “Can you wake me up at seven for class?”
“Yep.”
I reached out and switched off the light. I lay there, holding her close, and tried to come up with the best way to tell her what I was. Tried to come up with a gentle way of breaking the news. Bad thing was? There wasn’t one. No matter how I said it, she would hate me.
Her breathing evened out almost immediately, but the weight of my lies pressed me down into the mattress until I couldn’t breathe anymore. How was I supposed to sleep when I could think of nothing but what I’d done?
And what I had to do. I had to tell her.
“You awake?” I whispered.
She mumbled something and scooted closer to me, letting off a soft snore. I wanted to wake her up and spill my guts, but I forced myself to lie still.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow I would tell her the truth.
Chapter 16
This afternoon class was never going to end. I sat back in my seat and eyed the clock. Only three more minutes until my class was over, and then I could see Finn. He’d promised to meet me at the dorm afterward, and I couldn’t wait to see him again. Couldn’t wait to kiss him and hold him and hug him. And, well, more.
I fanned my cheeks with my notebook as I recalled exactly what we’d done last night, and how amazing it had made me feel. How amazing I’d made him feel. I wanted more. Lots more. I’d known sex brought pleasure. Known I would enjoy it. But with Finn, it far surpassed pleasurable. As a matter of fact, what he did to me just might tip the Richter scale.
Cory elbowed me and tipped his head toward the professor. The professor, meanwhile, was looking at me. No. Scratch that. The whole class was watching me. I sat up straight in my seat and smoothed my hair. Why were they all staring at me?
Professor Hanabee turned red and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Would you be answering my question anytime soon, Carrie?”
“Uh,” I said, looking to Cory for some help. He didn’t even look at me. Just stared at the front of the classroom. “What was the question again?”
The professor rolled his eyes. “Cory?”
Cory gave the answer easily.
I looked down at my notebook. All I’d done was draw squiggles and a few random words like bilateral and hemorrhage. I thought I saw Finn’s name in there too, but I could be wrong.
Professor Hanabee gave me one last, piercing look, then turned back to the class. “There will be a quiz tomorrow. You may go now.”
While everyone else got up, I kept my head lowered. My cheeks were on fire, but I knew that I had no one to blame but myself. I’d always been at the head of my class. Straight A’s. Eye on the end game. What the heck did I think I was doing, neglecting my academic obligations to daydream about a guy? I slammed my book shut and stood. After collecting the rest of my stuff, I started down the steps.
“A moment, please?” Professor Hanabee called out.
“Yes?” I climbed the rest of the way down and stood in front of his desk.
He wore one of those god-awful professor jackets with the patches on the elbow, and his glasses kept sliding down his nose. He jammed them back up with a short, stubby finger. “Did I mention I’m friends with your father? He calls for updates every so often. I’d hate to give him a bad answer.”
I swallowed hard to stop the scathing reply trying to escape. Of course Dad would have friends on staff. He had spies everywhere. “Yes, sir.”
I headed for the door, mentally figuring out how much time I would need to cram a day’s worth of missed lesson into my head. Would there still be time for my fun evening with Finn? Could I do both? Cory waited at the door for me, his sandy blond hair perfectly in place like usual. The complete opposite of Finn’s messy curls. He leaned against the wall, phone in his hand.
When I came to his side, he lifted his head. “Hey.”
“Hey.” I scanned the crowd for Finn. “Sorry about today.”
He followed my gaze. “Looking for someone?”
“Yeah,” I answered distractedly. “Finn.”
“Marie said you didn’t come back to the room last night.” Cory shoved his phone in his pocket and gave me a look. A look that said he had his suspicions where I had been, and what I’d been doing. “Where were you?”
I stiffened. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”
“I thought that we had something going between us, so, yeah, it kind of is.”
Cory yanked on the collar of his polo. His pink-and-yellow striped polo, buttoned all the way up to his neck. Did he ever let loose? Wear a T-shirt that didn’t come from a brand name store, or stop thinking so much about what everyone would think about him if he did?