All of my frustration, anger and yes, need, came pouring out of me.
He dropped my wrist and gripped my hips, neither pushing me away nor pulling me closer. Spinning me around, he trapped me between the brick wall and his hard chest. When he tilted his head and deepened the kiss, clearly taking control, I clung to the cool metal of his dog tags. With my free hand, I ran my fingers over his abs. I’d wanted to do that since the first time I saw him.
His muscles clenched, and he rubbed his erection against me, teasing me. Taunting me. God, this was how a kiss was supposed to feel. This is how I wanted to feel. And I wanted to find this bliss in Finn’s arms. No one else’s.
I lowered my hand, brushing against the top of his waistband, and then lower until I reached his penis. He arched into my hand, groaning into my mouth. When I closed my hand over him, marveling at the size and feel of him, he jerked and jumped back from me as if I’d punched him instead of touched him. As if I hurt him, instead of bringing him pleasure.
“Damn it, Carrie,” he swore, dragging his hands down his face. When he turned to me with blazing eyes, I flinched. “You just go around kissing anyone you want, don’t you? Don’t care who or where or when? Or how many of us there are?”
I tensed. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“I saw you,” he said. No, snarled. “I saw you kissing Cory just a couple of days ago, and now you’re here, kissing me?”
My heart ached at the accusation in his tone. And the hurt in his eyes… “I didn’t kiss him. He kissed me.”
“You looked pretty damned happy about it to me.” He grabbed the bannister and looked out at the road, his shoulders tense. “As a matter of fact, you looked like the perfect couple, so I really don’t know why you’re here with me.”
I took a step toward him. If he was mad about Cory kissing me, did that mean he was jealous? And if he was, what did his jealousy mean? “I didn’t kiss him back.”
He spun on me. “Bullshit. I saw you. And you liked it.”
“No.” I held my hands out, desperate to make him understand why I had kissed Cory. To make him see I only wanted him, not Cory. “I kissed him because I was curious. I wanted to know why he doesn’t—”
“I don’t care why you did it. Just leave me alone.” He started for his door, but I stepped in his path, resting my hand on his chest. His whole body tensed, but his heart raced beneath my palm. “Carrie, move out of the way. I’m done here.”
I tilted my head back and met his eyes. “No.”
“Go bug Cory. He’ll welcome it. I don’t.” He removed my hand from his chest. “I don’t play games, and I don’t share.”
Finally, the anger came back. Thank God, because I needed its strength right now. “Funny, but you told me you didn’t want to be with me. Told me you weren’t interested. So how is it sharing when you never wanted me in the first place?”
“When you came here and kissed me, it became sharing.” He still hadn’t dropped my hand, but his grip wasn’t harsh or even strong. “I’m not willing to be some man you kiss when the mood strikes, before you go running back to Cory.”
“That’s not fair.”
He squared his jaw. “Tell me, were you with him tonight before you came to me?”
I trembled. “I was, but not like you’re insinuating.”
“There’s no insinuation.”
“Sure there isn’t.” I glared at him. “And I’m Mother Teresa.”
“Nice to meet you.” He dropped my hand. “Now get the hell off my porch.”
He was halfway inside the door before I got up enough nerve to ask, “Do you want something different now? Do you want to be with me?”
He froze, his hand on the doorknob. When he looked back at me, his eyes were open and vulnerable. He looked at me as if he did want more. As if he wanted me. But then he opened his mouth and ruined everything. “What I want doesn’t matter. It’s not happening. Ever. Go chase after Cory instead of me. He’ll let you catch him.”
“I don’t want him,” I whispered. “I want you.”
He shut the door in my face, and I was alone. I swallowed back tears and started down the steps. Well, that was it. It was over.
All because I’d gone and kissed him.
Chapter 13
After drill on Sunday night, I unlocked my door and kicked it open. My eyes strayed to the spot Carrie had stood when I told her to go chase someone else. Even though I tried not to remember what had happened right in this spot on Friday night, it was useless. She’d been on my mind all weekend at training. Haunting me. Annoying me. Making me wish I’d done things differently from the start.
Now that I was back from training, nothing had changed.
She was still on my mind. Still bugging me, even though she wasn’t by my side. What was wrong with me? Since when did I let one little spoiled brat of a girl get under my skin so deeply? I squeezed my eyes shut and leaned against the wall, the silence of my empty apartment surrounding me. But the silence soon gave way to her whispered words—the ones that wouldn’t leave me the hell alone.
I don’t want him. I want you.
And what had I said to her? I’d told her to spend her time with Cory instead of me. It was better this way. The right thing to do. She would move on to someone more suitable, and I would be safe from ruining everything for Dad’s retirement. It’s not like I needed to hang out with her to watch over her. That had been my first mistake—trying to become her friend. The second had been kissing her. And the third?
Wanting more from her than grade school kisses.
I banged my head back against the wall. “Idiot.”
Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I powered it on. It had been off since Friday night, and I was sure I’d have a waiting text or a thousand from the senator. No sooner did the Apple icon disappear from the screen than my phone buzzed.
Everything okay over there? Have you seen her tonight?
I rolled my eyes. Just walked in. Haven’t gone out yet.
Do so and report back.
Yes, sir.
Apparently my time to sit around moping had come to an end. Duty called, and I couldn’t ignore it. After making quick work of changing out of my uniform, I opened the door and headed out to search for Carrie. It’s not like I could text her and ask what she was doing. I’d kind of ended that aspect of our friendship the minute I rejected her and acted like an ass.