It looked ridiculously empty without her there.
“Pathetic,” I mumbled under my breath. “You’re f**king pathetic, Coram.”
I pulled out my phone and dialed quickly. It would be late back home, but I’d bet Dad was still up watching Conan. After two rings, he picked up. “Hello?”
“Hey, Dad.” The TV quieted, but not before I heard Conan. I’d been right. Homesickness washed over me, and I swallowed another swig of beer. “Watching TV?”
“Yeah. Nothing’s changed out here,” Dad said. “How’s it going out in California, son? Enjoying the sun, sand, and surf?”
“You know it,” I said, smiling at the enthusiasm in Dad’s voice. We’d lived in California when I had been a boy, before Mom had died. Before everything had gone and changed. “I missed this place.”
“I know,” Dad said, his voice gruff. “And I miss you.”
“Speaking of which,” I cleared my throat. “How likely do you think it would be for the senator to let me off duty earlier than planned? On a scale of one to ten?
“Zero.” Dad sighed. “Why? What happened? Sick of babysitting the brat already?”
“It’s not that. She’s not a brat at all.”
“Then what’s the issue?” Something crinkled and Dad munched down on something crunchy. Sour cream and onion chips, no doubt. “You’re back in your home state surfing and getting paid to do it. What’s the problem?”
I hesitated. I didn’t want to tell Dad how deeply watching Carrie was affecting me. The jealousy. The guilt. The feelings I didn’t want to name. “It doesn’t really seem like I’m needed here, but I don’t know how my suggestion of terminating this assignment would go over with the senator.”
“Senator Wallington feels differently,” Dad said. “Every day, he checks your updates. Every day, he tells me what a fine boy I’ve raised. He’s even suggested when I retire, I’ll be getting double my allotted retirement fund thanks to my son’s ‘go get ’em’ attitude and willingness to please.”
I dropped my forehead to my palm. There was no getting out of this now. I couldn’t do that to my dad. “That’s…great, Dad. Really great.”
And it was. Dad could definitely use the added money. Getting double his retirement would let him set up home pretty much wherever he wanted. Live comfortably. Not worry about money or bills or food. And when it came down to it, being in California wasn’t half as bad as I had thought it would be. If I could get my emotions under control, and get it through my thick head that Carrie would never be mine, it might actually be enjoyable.
“Is something wrong, son? If you’re miserable, I’d rather be fired than get double my retirement fund,” Dad said, his tone dead serious. “I’ll be fine without it.”
No, he wouldn’t. Not when I could suck it up and be a man. “I’m fine, Dad.” I rubbed my forehead. “I was just being stupid. Homesick, I guess.”
“I miss you too, son.”
I swallowed hard. “Thanks for the talk. I’m gonna go now.”
“All right. Good night, son.”
“Night, Dad.”
I hung up and closed my eyes. Enough of this shit. Enough wanting and wishing and hoping. I needed to focus on the cold hard truth of the matter. If I f**ked this up, Dad wouldn’t get his nice, cushy retirement pay off. If I f**ked this up, I wouldn’t be the only one to suffer. It was time to suck it up and stop mooning all over Carrie Wallington, for Dad’s sake.
She was an assignment…nothing more.
Chapter 12
A few nights later, I hugged Cory good-bye, making sure to keep it friendly and not too personal. He went in for a kiss again, but I ducked my head just in the nick of time. After he caught me off guard last Saturday, he’d been trying to kiss me over and over all week long. Of course, I might be partially to blame for that. I hadn’t ended our first kiss right away, and had probably given him the wrong impression.
But I hadn’t kept the kiss going because I’d liked it so much I couldn’t break it off. Not because it set me on fire in ways even twenty thousand romance novels could possibly describe. No, I hadn’t ended the kiss because it hadn’t done anything at all. Zilch. Nada. Zero. Zip.
No matter how many ways I said it, I may as well have been kissing a poster of a fat, balding man for all the excitement the kiss had given me. But when Finn kissed me…
Now, that was another story all together.
“Good night, Cory,” I said, patting his shoulder.
Yep. I actually patted his shoulder.
“Night.” He gave me a long, almost pleading, look. “See you tomorrow afternoon for another weekend study session?”
“I’m hanging out with Finn,” I said, my tone apologetic. “Sorry.”
Cory nodded but looked unhappy. Guilt struck me, but I didn’t know the right way to let him know I wanted to be friends and only friends. Maybe I could repeat the speech Finn had given me. It had worked well enough for him. “No problem. See you Monday.”
“Bye.”
I headed up the stairs to my dorm, expecting to find the room empty. It was Friday night, after all, and Marie surely had plans. But when I opened the door, I found Marie on the couch, hot and heavy with some guy I didn’t even recognize.
Marie opened her eyes mid-kiss and pointed at the door. What was I supposed to do? Sit in the hallway? Marie narrowed her eyes and pointed at the door more emphatically. I slowly backed out and closed the door behind me.
Leaning against the hallway wall, I closed my eyes. Okay. Now what? I could call Cory and hang out with him some more, but I was already struggling to find a way to break it to him gently that I wasn’t interested in a relationship with him. That left two other options. Walking around without a destination or even an idea on how long it would be until I could return to my room…or Finn.
Easy decision. I missed Finn anyway.
I headed back outside and called a taxi. I knew I should call him first. Make sure he didn’t mind if I stopped by. But what if he told me no? If I just kind of showed up, it would be hard to send me away. At least I hoped so.
Of course, by the time the cab arrived, I was losing my confidence in this decision. And after I paid the cab and started up his walkway, I was ready to run back toward the car, even though it was halfway down the road. His bike was outside, so I was fairly certain he was home, but what if he had company? The kind of company he didn’t mind kissing?