Slowly, her wide eyes rose from the key until her gaze collided with mine. “You gave me a key? To your place?”
“I did.” I tugged on my hair and shifted on my feet. “If you don’t want it, it’s cool. I just thought it would be nice for you to be able to come over here whenever you wanted, even if I’m not here. You could come here and study, or sleep, or eat, or whatever you wanted even if I’m…”
…not here.
Yeah, I already said that.
I stopped talking and stared at my feet, because I was babbling like a f**king idiot. I didn’t like acting like an idiot, although I’d been doing it way too much lately. Apparently, love and idiocy went hand in hand.
“Finn?”
I lifted my head and dropped my hand. “Yeah?”
“This is so…wow,” she said softly. “Thank you.”
I nodded, not sure what else to say. I wanted her in my home all the time, so I gave her a key. It was simple. “Go ahead and see if it works.”
It did. I already tested it.
But at least it gave her something to do besides stare at me looking all happy and yet somehow sad. It’s like she knew why I was really doing this. Even if I was gone, it would be like she was with me whenever she came here, and that meant something.
She slid the key into the lock and turned it, giving me a shaky smile when it opened. “It works.”
“Good,” I said, my voice gruff. “Go in, then.”
She went inside and flipped on the light, stopping a few steps in. She stood in the middle of the living room area, her eyes on my closet. Not a big shocker there. After all, it became clear, quite quickly, that I’d cleared some space in my closet for her—complete with pink f**king hangers waiting for her shit.
Yeah. Pink.
“Did you…is that…?”
“For you?” I leaned against the door and crossed my ankles, trying to go for casual and unconcerned. “Yeah. Last time I checked, I didn’t use pink. I know it doesn’t go with your hair, but…” I shrugged, even though she wasn’t looking at me. She was still staring at the closet. “I figured that would make the clothes stand out more, since you never wear it. Ya know?”
She walked up to the closet and ran her hands over the pink hangers, then touched my cammies before letting her hand drop to her side. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.” I crossed the room and came up behind her, resting my hands on her shoulders. I leaned down and kissed the top of her ginger head, breathing in the scent of the shampoo that I’d bought for her. “But are you?” I asked softly. “It’s not like you’re moving in or anything. It’s just an open-door policy.”
She nodded. “You know I’m not going anywhere, right?”
“I know you think that, and I know you want to believe it. And so do I.” I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her close, more so to hide my face from her than anything. And I really didn’t want to fight again. “But I’ve seen a lot more of the world than you have. Shit happens and life is hard. If I leave—”
She smacked me. “I’m not going to move on or forget you.”
I flinched. “I know.” Or, at least I knew she didn’t plan on it. But plans changed, and so did people. Especially when they were separated. “That’s not what I’m saying.”
She tensed in my arms. “But you are. You’re worried if you go on deployment I’ll move on to another guy, aren’t you? You don’t trust me.”
Oh, f**k. This was going to be another fight if I didn’t fix it and fix it now. “Ginger…”
“No way. You’re not getting off that easily.”
My hands flexed on her, but she moved out of my arms. I missed her already. The softness in her blue eyes gave way to her icy look, and she put her hands on her hips. Oh yeah. I’d pissed her off. Damn it. “I trust you, Ginger.”
“Don’t Ginger me, mister.” She poked a finger in my chest and I held my hands up in surrender. “Do you have such little faith in me that you think I would freaking leave you when you’re off defending our country? Really?”
“You’re not the one I don’t have faith in,” I said, squaring my jaw. “I’m worried I’ll do something to f**k this up.”
“How could you mess this up?”
Well, for starters I could die. But I didn’t say that. She would only worry even more. I scrambled for some bullshit reason to give her, but came up a round short. So I shrugged and said nothing. She pushed me hard, back toward the bed, and I stumbled a little bit before I could catch my balance.
Was it somehow perverted that I liked her beating me up? Because I did.
She shoved me again. The back of my knees hit the bed, and I fell onto it, not even bothering to fight it. When I hit the mattress, she climbed on top of me and held my hands down. “I’m going to tell you this once and once only: I will not leave you. And if you leave, I will always be here waiting for you when you get back. Whether it’s in a few days, a week, or a freaking year. I’ll be here. I’ll be yours.”
Something inside of me gave way and broke. Maybe it was my doubt. Maybe it was something else. All I knew is what caused it. Her. “Fuck, I love you. So damn much it scares the shit out of me. I’ve never been scared of anything before. Guns. Surfing. War. But now I have the biggest fear of all—losing you.”
“Finn…” she whispered, her voice breaking.
I slipped my hand behind her head and urged her down, kissing her the second her lips touched mine. Her fingers flexed on mine, and she moaned softly, straining to get closer to me. I slanted my head, deepening the kiss even more, and she wrapped her arms around me.
Man, I needed this in my life. Needed her lips on mine, her arms around me tight, her grip on my heart secure and complete. Without it, I’d be alive, and I’d be here, but I wouldn’t be me. I wouldn’t be living.
My hands moved down her back slowly until I cupped her ass, urging her even closer to my cock. She pressed down, a soft moan escaping her. She adjusted herself slightly so she straddled me, her legs tucked behind her, and she moved against me in a sensuous, perfect circular motion.
I lifted my hands higher, burying them in her hair and yanking her down harder. She whimpered into my mouth and curled her fingers into my pecs, moving her hips faster. She tugged on my shirt impatiently. I broke the kiss off long enough for her to yank it over my head, and then I rolled her beneath me.