But I can tell he wants me to. Not sure how, but I do.
‘No, I want to go, but I’m not going to dress up in the school collars and prance around clapping my hands and yelling ‘Go, team, go!’ I make this cheerleader motions with my arms and it gets him to laugh.
‘Fine by me,’ he says, with a smile threatening at his lips. ‘Not really into that shit anyway.’
I smile back. ‘Good, otherwise I’d wonder what the hell you were doing with me.’
He continues to perk up for the rest of the drive and his worries about his father fade into the night, and into costume and concert time. After we get back to the apartment, I go get dressed in the outfit I bought earlier today. I’d actually bought it at a gothic store that Callie knew about – not sure how. A leather dress, these stockings with black stripes on them, a lace-up arm warmer for my good wrist, and boots that have these gadgets on them, making them totally look steampunk. I’m not even calling myself anything, though, just basking in the fact that I get to dress up.
I put my hair up in this curly braid style then stain my lips with dark lipstick, trace my eyes with black liner, then look in the mirror and totally admire my handy work. ‘Okay, project Celebrating Holidays. I think I’m liking Halloween.’
‘Who are you talking to?’ Luke asks as he opens the door and enters into the bedroom. He makes it about two steps in when he actually sees me and stops dead in his tracks.
‘Pretty awesome, right?’ I ask, turning away from the mirror and to him with my hands on my hips.
His lazily scrolls my body, from my boots to my chest, finally residing on my eyes. ‘You look like a dominatrix.’
I glance down at my leather outfit and knee-high boots. ‘Well, that wasn’t what I was going for, or anything really – just having fun,’ I say. ‘But I guess you can call me that for the night of you want.’
‘Can I?’ He says it absentmindedly, severely preoccupied by my legs, half concealed by the lace-up boots I’m wearing. He scratches at the back of his neck, then jerks his attention off of my legs. ‘So what am I then?’
‘Well, if I’m a Dominatrix then wouldn’t that make you my bitch?’ I give him my best sexy wink and he chokes on his laughter.
‘Yeah, I’m not sure I could give up that much control for you,’ he says, when he stops laughing. ‘Sorry.’
‘I don’t think I could be that mean to you,’ I reply then head over to his closet. ‘But I have an idea of what you could be.’ I rummage around until I find it, tucked in the back of his closet – a faded leather jacket I’ve never seen him wear before. ‘How about you wear this?’ I step out of the closet, holding up the jacket in front of me.
He seems hesitant. ‘That was actually my dad’s.’ He steps toward me with his hands stuffed in his pockets. ‘It was one of the few things he left behind when he took off.’ He touches the front of it then winces as if the fabric – or the memory – has scalded him. ‘I’m not even sure why I still have it.’
‘Oh, never mind then.’ I lower the jacket and move back toward the closet to put it away, but his finger around my arm stops me.
‘Let me try it on,’ he mumbles, then takes the jacket from my hands. Summoning a deep breath, he slips it on and the leather fabric fits his build perfectly. He glances down to look at himself as he moves up to the mirror to get a better look.
I join him, standing to his side. ‘We look like badasses,’ I state, staring at our reflections. ‘Hey, that’s what we could be.’
He smiles softly, then slides his arm around my back and pulls me closer. ‘We look good together.’
We really do. I’m not even sure how that happened. When I’d first met Luke, I thought of him as a popular, brooding jock. It was absurd, and very stereotypical and judgmental of me, and very untrue. My opinion changed about him when I got to know him and honestly I’m starting to wonder if my opinion has changed about myself as well. Luke brought out this other side of me and even though I lost it for a while, when I found out about Mira, I feel like it’s coming back again, only it’s different now.
Something’s different.
He stares at me through the mirror for a few more moments, then he turns to me and leans in, his voice husky as he whispers, ‘The things I want to do to you right now.’ His lips collide with mine, the roughness mismatching with the softness of his voice. But I meet his passion with equal eagerness, kissing him back with everything I have in me, pouring out of me. I grip onto him, pulling him closer, seeking air, yet forgetting to breath. I’m desperate for more of his touches, kissing, closeness – I’m desperate for everything. I’m under no control of my own anymore. I’m not sure anything I do when it comes to Luke anymore is in my control anymore. Because I’m falling.
Falling.
Falling.
Falling.
Only this time it’s different. I still don’t know when I’m going to end up and where, but for once it feels like maybe there’s something to land on.
Chapter 20
Luke
After kissing Violet for ten minutes, we finally part when Seth bangs on the door and tells us it’s time to go. Her kisses have made me feel better, but I’m still stirring over some of the shit at dinner, when I get the call. A Goddamn call that I was kind of expecting, but it still somehow blindsided me. It’s from the attorney representing my mother, wanting to talk to me.
I had to step into the bathroom – I was so shocked – and I didn’t want Violet hearing either.
‘I’d like to meet you person, just to talk,’ the douche attorney said and I almost rammed my fist through the wall, which would have pissed the shit out of Seth since I’ve done it before and he wasn’t happy about it.
‘I don’t want anything to do with this,’ I’d snapped at him. ‘And if you knew better, you wouldn’t be asking me to do so.’
‘You mother thinks otherwise,’ he’d replied. ‘I’d really like too—’
‘My mother’s a fucking psycho who deserves to be behind bars.’ I was practically shaking, gripping onto the counter for support and to keep my hand from doing any damage.
‘Yeah, we’ll see,’ he’d said and that’s when I’d hung up on him and almost threw my phone against the wall.
Regardless of the shitty, depressing call, I’m determined to have a fun night sober. Violet and I made a promise to celebrate the shit out of the holidays and fuck if I’m not going to go through with it. The problem is, I’m all worked up and the only thing that ever calms me down when I’m like this is booze. I can’t drink¸ though. No, I won’t let myself. I avoid it at work all the time and I can sure as hell do it now.