‘Oh,’ she says then scratches her head. ‘I almost forgot I had those in.’
I toss the earbuds aside. ‘How long have you been awake?’
Her eyes rise to the ceiling as she thinks about it. ‘I don’t know … maybe like an hour.’
I glance over my shoulder and look at the time. A quarter after nine. ‘You woke up voluntarily before ten o’clock? Seriously?’
She sets the pen down on the open book and rubs her eyes. ‘Yeah, I slept well. Guess my body wakes up earlier when it gets rest.’
She’s avoiding eye contact me, her head tucked down, strands of her hair hanging into her face. I should just let it go. Clearly whatever’s going on, she wants to keep it to herself. But I can’t fucking help it – I need to know.
‘So you slept well?’ I run my hand over my cropped brown hair. ‘Really?’
She shrugs. ‘Better than I have in a really long time.’
I pause. Don’t say it. ‘Any nightmares?’ Fuck, why can’t I just keep my dumb mouth shut?
There’s an elongated pause and then she’s gives her head the softest shake. ‘No,’ she whispers, almost sounding like she’s in pain. I see a tear roll down her cheek, but she swiftly wipes it away with her hand.
‘How long has it been since that happened?’ I ask, treading with caution. Another tear escapes her eyes and this time I wipe it away from her cheek myself. I leave my hand there and she relaxes into my touch.
She squeezes her eyes closed then inhales deeply. ‘Since I was five.’
This is a huge moment for her, one that she should be celebrating, so her tears are confusing to me. ‘Can you … Can I ask … why you’re upset?’ I know I’m treading on thin water. An emotional Violet usually means instability and the risk of her doing something to herself, but I need to figure out what’s going on, how I can help take the pain away.
She sucks in another sharp breath. ‘Because I’m afraid of why they stopped.’
‘Do you know why? ‘
‘Maybe.’
I waver, unsure what the right thing to say it. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’
She quickly shakes her head. ‘No, not right now.’
I’m not sure what to do, what to say to her, what the hell is going on in her head. Maybe it’s because I can’t see her eyes – they usually give me a sliver of insight into what she’s keeping trapped inside her.
I fix my finger under her chin and tip it up so I can have a better look at her. Her green eyes are massive, swimming with powerful emotions and glossed with tears. For a brief instant, I’m struck speechless by the sight.
‘Please … just tell me what I can do.’ Because I need to do something otherwise I’m going to go crazy worrying about her.
Her eyes search mine. The longer she studies me, the more the tears subside. ‘You could take me for coffee.’
I’m thrown for a turn my her simple response. ‘Really? That’s what you need right now?’
She nods, more at ease. ‘Caffeine seems like the best thing ever right now.’ She gets to her feet and heads for the closet to get some clothes. ‘And a healthy addiction for the most part.’
It’s like she’s trying to tell me something without actually saying the words aloud. I’m pretty sure I know what it is and the pressure that I’ve had in my chest deflates the slightest bit. I don’t want to get my hopes up, don’t want to just assume that maybe she’s finally going to try and get over her adrenaline addiction, but she’s never actually looked like she means it, like she does right now.
‘Alright,’ let’s go get you some coffee, then,’ I say, for once feeling like maybe through all this shit, through everything, just maybe things might be okay.
Violet and I will be okay.
Chapter 23
Violet
Luke is nervous before the game and I find it adorable. Mr Tough Guy all distracted and unable to focus because his dad is coming to watch him play. Plus, it’s a good distraction from what’s going on in my own life. Last night I had a dream, not a nightmare. The dream was fairly simplistic, Luke and I sitting on this hill, staring at this view I had to have made up myself because it was so bright with colors and sunshine, straight out of a painting gorgeous, that there’s no way it could be real. It was the cemetery my parents are buried in, yet it wasn’t – couldn’t be – because I was too at peace with being so close to it. And my heart understood why. Luke was there with me, my safety net. We weren’t even talking, just sitting and enjoying the quiet. Then I’d slipped my hand into his and that’s when I’d woken up, I was oddly enough holding Luke’s hand. And I’d woke up quietly, soft breathing, slightly disoriented, but in a slumbering way. It’d definitely freaked me out, but instead of doing something irrational, I’d gotten out of bed and thrown all of my concentration into my homework. And surprisingly it helped settle me down.
‘So you’ll be okay going up to the stands by yourself, right?’ he asks as he gets ready to leave the apartment. He’s got to go to the stadium quite a bit earlier so I’m going to go with Seth and Greyson later and meet up with Luke’s father and Trevor.
I roll my eyes as I sit on the bed, watching as a scatter-brained Luke wanders around, throwing stuff to take to the game in a duffel bag. ‘Yes, Luke. I promise I’m competent enough to find my way to the massive stadium that takes up half a block.’
‘Okay. Okay.’ He pats his shorts like he’s checking the pockets, even though he doesn’t have pockets. ‘I should get going then.’ He swings his bag over his shoulder and focus on me, then his brows furrow. ‘Why are you looking at me that way?’
I shrug, pressing my lips together to contain my amusement. ‘What way?’
‘Like I’m being funny or something.’
‘Maybe because you are.’
His eyes narrow. ‘What’s going on?’
My amused smile breaks through. ‘It’s nothing. You just are so nervous and I’m finding it amusing.’
‘Well, I’m glad my uneasiness is making you amused.’ He gives me a cold stare, clearing not in a joking mood.
‘I’m sorry.’ I kneel up on the bed and inch toward the edge of it, closing the space between us. ‘It’s just that I’ve never seen you act this way before.’
The hardness in his features softens. ‘Sorry.’ He drops his bag on the floor and huffs out a breath as he rakes his fingers through his hair and starts pacing the floor. ‘I’m just freaking out and I have no idea why. It’s not like this is some special game or anything. It’s the same one I’ve been playing since my junior year, yet it feels like the first one.’