I sat down in the central waiting area, staring at my phone like I could make it respond magically. Because it seemed prudent, I also checked the schedule, and I could still get a ticket for the last train to Ann Arbor. There wouldn’t be any buses running when I got in, though, so I wouldn’t have a way back to Mount Albion. Since I needed to be careful with my money until I found a job, I pondered the best solution. A hotel was out of the question, since the train ticket would cost me eighty bucks. Nadia’s gone. Kia’s gone. What about Angus? I tried calling but it rang a bunch of times, then I got a perky message about him being castaway somewhere tropical with Del. Why didn’t I know he was going to Jamaica?
Though I was scared to dial, I called Max. And got voice mail. It didn’t even ring... He must’ve turned it off. He really doesn’t want to talk to me right now. I suspected he thought I’d spend the week with my parents, as planned, but seriously, how could I? Closing my eyes against a hot rush of tears, loneliness clutched with icy fingers, exacerbated by the gusts of wind that blew through the lobby. Strangers hurried by with their bags and nobody gave me a second look, even hunched forward to hide my face, like I’d come down with a bad case of invisibility. I hadn’t felt this way since Eli died, though it was a different sort of desolation.
My voice sounded thick as I left a message. “Like I said, I’m really sorry. Please call me when you get this. I’m at the train station. I’ll...be here until six. I’m going home.”
The time ticked away while I ran my phone battery down, listening to sad music. I left buying my ticket until the last possible minute, but Max didn’t call. He didn’t come, either. But I’d known he had a habit of taking off when he was hurt, so this didn’t come as a surprise, even if I felt pretty battered. So I got up and silently ran my debit card through the machine, buying a coach seat for Ann Arbor.
Last resort, okay.
I pulled up Evan’s contact and called, below sea level in every possible way. It wouldn’t surprise me if he refused to help out. Murphy’s Law was all over me today.
He picked up on the second ring, obscenely cheerful. “What’s up, funny girl? Did you miss me?”
“Um. So. My plans fell through, and I’m in a bind. I’m coming into Ann Arbor by train tonight, late, and I could really use a ride. Is there any way—”
“I’ll be there,” he said. “What time?”
I checked my ticket. “Eleven-twenty, assuming we’re on schedule.”
“Meet me where the taxis line up, okay?”
“Yeah. Thanks. I’m sorry to put you out.”
“It’s not a problem. I didn’t have plans.”
“I’ll give you gas money.”
His voice came across gentle. “Don’t worry about it right now, I can always dock your cut of our next gig for transportation fees. See you in a few hours.”
My chest hurt as I hung up. My battery was down to 20 percent, so I put the phone away. No more music, unless the train had charging stations. Probably not in coach, I guessed. There was still no word from Max. He must have been home by then or nearly so, if he’d driven straight through. It was almost six, and the garbled announcer called for us to board over tinny speakers.
So this is happening, I thought.
And got on the train alone.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Evan was waiting when I came out of the train station. He hopped out of the van and studied me for a few seconds. But all he said was, “Is that all you have?”
I nodded. “Thanks for coming.”
“It’s fine. You’d do the same for me.”
“Except for the fact that I don’t have a car.”
“Details.” His breath showed in a puff of smoke, and he exaggerated a shiver as he opened the door for me. “Come on, let’s try to get you home before one.”
“That’d be good.”
But I was scared of going to the apartment, too, afraid of facing Max and how hurt he must be. It was worse because I had to acknowledge my own role in that. But it was too cold to make Evan stand around while I freaked out. So I climbed in, then he shut the door after me and rounded the van. The vehicle shifted as he got in, reminding me how solid he was.
My parents wouldn’t approve of you either, I thought.
We drove for, like, five miles in complete silence before he said, “Do you want to talk? If not, I’m turning on the radio because this silence is kind of soul-killing.”
“Sorry. I don’t really want to but I probably owe you an explanation.”
He shook his head. “If you’d rather listen to music, it’s fine.”
As he said that, I realized I wanted someone else’s opinion, preferably a guy, because I hoped maybe Evan could tell me just how bad I’d fucked up on a scale of one to ten and what I should do to make it up to Max. So before he reached for the dial, I started talking. Since he’d noted that I must have money because I didn’t flinch over dropping eighteen hundred on keyboard equipment, this probably wouldn’t come as a complete shock. He listened in silence until I finished.
“Damn,” he said finally, shaking his head. “Your mom is some piece of work, Courtney.”
“She wasn’t so bad before.”
“Before?”
Before Eli died. Before I lost it. Before I woke up in a white room, her rocking and crying, “I can’t lose you, you’re my precious baby, my whole world.” I suspected whenever she looked at me, she saw that same lifeless, broken girl, someone she had to make decisions for and protect at all costs. But knowing that didn’t change how I felt about what had happened with Max.
“My boyfriend died when I was in high school,” I said. “And I didn’t handle it well. Ended up in rehab.”
“Damn. So we got ourselves a real rock star on keyboards.” He sliced a questioning look toward me when I didn’t even crack a smile. “Too soon? Not funny?”
“It wasn’t the joke. I just don’t have a laugh in me right now.”
“You want my opinion, then?”
“Please.” That was why I’d told him, after all. Well, that, and a sense of obligation, since he had come out late at night to help me.
“If it was me, I’d feel like shit. I’d figure you were fucking around with me, slumming until graduation. If we were together and you didn’t bother to give me a heads-up, I’d think you either didn’t take us serious or didn’t care about me taking one right in the face. Worse, maybe you thought it’d be funny to shove me in the deep end to see if I sink or swim.”