“Yeah. But there’s nothing stopping me from coming back. I won’t even bug you for moral support next time.”
“I didn’t mind. We’re taking off early tomorrow?”
“Six, if that works for you.” I nodded, and he went on. “I was wondering if you’d mind if we pushed the whole way instead of breaking it up like before.”
“Are you in a hurry?”
“I just want to get home.” His mood struck me as odd tonight, but I couldn’t put my finger on exactly how.
He was okay before I left them alone. Michael must’ve said something.
“Okay, what happened?”
“Nothing for you to worry about,” he said.
That felt like a door being slammed in my face. So I pretended it didn’t bother me as I went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. I didn’t feel like sleeping with him tonight, though, so when he took his turn, I darted into the front room, switched on the TV and unfolded the pullout. Testing the mattress with a couple of bounces, I decided it wasn’t bad. I’d just settled under the covers when Max finished up.
He came to the doorway. “You don’t want the bed?”
“Nah. I’m fine.”
“Is this because I didn’t want to talk before?”
Damn, I hated how well he read me. I shrugged, wishing he’d go away. We needed some space anyway; this trip had confused all the ordinary boundaries.
“Don’t ice me out, Kaufman.”
Sighing, I rolled over to face him, quietly annoyed. “Isn’t that what you just did to me?”
His face was serious as he perched on the edge of the sofa bed. “You want to know?”
“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t.”
“Okay, well. Michael asked me to come home. Uncle Lou has a spare room and I wouldn’t have to work, I could just focus on school.”
“Wow. That’s an amazing offer.” I could understand why he was so somber; it was a big decision, one that would affect his future in all kinds of ways.
And it’ll ruin your life, Eli observed.
Max grabbed my wrist and tugged. “Come on. You won, I’m talking. Don’t make me squeeze in beside you.”
“You have a whole bed to yourself. Why would you?”
“Because you’re not in it.”
I feigned aggravation as I let him pull me up. “And what do you plan to do when we get home, genius?”
“Miss you,” he said simply. Then he gave me his version of big anime eyes, so cute it should be illegal.
“You’re ridiculous.” I stomped into the other room and got into bed.
Max followed, shutting off lights as he went. The mattress dipped as he got in beside me. “So you now know. What do you think?”
“Oh, no. This is your decision.”
“But you must have an opinion,” he persisted.
In the dark he reached out unerringly to touch my cheek, turn my face toward him. The gentle touch did crazy things to my insides. If I kept feeling this way once we got home, I’d have to find reasons to stay away from him until my heart and hormones settled down.
“Honestly? I’m conflicted. Because it might be great for you here, definitely easier, and you can reconnect with your family. But I’d rather burn all my Docs than let you go. I’m...well, not exactly ready for us to split up next year, but resigned, I guess. Finding out you might leave sooner is like being kicked in the chest.”
“My gut instinct is to say no, not now, not yet. I’m so close to graduation that transferring might not be worth what I’d save on housing, especially if I lose credits.”
“I like your gut,” I whispered.
“Come here.” I didn’t move, so Max scooted over until he could spoon me. His arm dropped over my waist and he rested his chin on top of my head. “This okay?”
“You’re already doing it,” I mumbled.
“I’ll stop if you hate it. I’m just trying to make it up to you.”
“What?”
“Making you feel shitty. Michael shocked me so much, I kind of flashed back to when I had to figure everything out alone...because there wasn’t anyone to listen.”
“You have tons of friends now, dude. I’m not special.”
“That’s completely untrue.” His breath stirred my hair. “I knew you were cool the first time I saw you...and I wasn’t wrong.”
“Wasn’t that...” I trailed off, trying to remember.
We didn’t meet in class. It was the summer after our freshman year. I was already calling myself a sophomore; I recalled that much.
“We met for the first time at Scott’s party. I went with Angus, you were with Amy. You thought I was gay and high-fived me.”
Covering my mouth, I laughed into my hand. “Oh, shit, I remember now.”
“But that wasn’t the first time I saw you.”
“Really?” He’d never mentioned this before.
“Yeah. The party was in July, but I was on campus in June, first summer session. And you were napping in the quad with your earbuds in. Your hair was streaked turquoise and blue then. And you didn’t have the brow ring yet.”
“Wow. I’ve definitely done that before, but y’know, sorry I didn’t see you. Being asleep and all. But I can’t believe you remember that.”
“You made an impression. Had no idea we’d end up so tight, though.”
I was thinking about how to reply to that when I fell asleep. In the morning, I woke to find we’d shifted in the night, my right arm and leg flung over Max in a possessive gesture. The emotional vulnerability of reaching out in my sleep sent me rolling out of bed and I couldn’t get dressed fast enough. In fact, I packed my bag and got breakfast before he stirred. Since it was so early, it was just sweet rolls and coffee from a bakery down the street.
“This is fantastic.” He ate as he got dressed, strewing crumbs everywhere.
Glad I’m not cleaning up after us.
I brushed my teeth after eating and checked one last time to make sure I wasn’t forgetting anything. Then I grabbed my backpack. We jogged downstairs to check out. Ten minutes later, we were zooming along on Max’s bike. He hadn’t mentioned if we’d be taking the trip fast or slow, but I didn’t know if my ass could take twelve hours on a motorcycle. But the question was answered when he took the trip in stages, letting us off to walking around every two to three hours. And we pulled off the interstate at the same motel we’d stopped at before.