“What?” There was a soft, vulnerable look in his eyes. He was never this open, even around his own family.
I mustered the nerve to say, “As much as I want you.”
“So you don’t mind that I fumbled our first kiss?”
“That wasn’t a fumble. I’m calling a moratorium on you doubting yourself, Rob.”
His gaze went flat. “Yeah, I don’t know what that means.”
Shit, I hadn’t meant to make him feel stupid. “It’s like a suspension, I’m saying enough. Anyway, it seems like you’re freaking out and looking for reasons to pick a fight. Maybe you wish you didn’t—”
“No. I’m just...worried,” he said quietly.
“About what?”
“Whether this is a good idea.”
Since I’d suspected it might not be, I couldn’t blame him. But I no longer wanted to ride the brake, now that I knew I wasn’t stuck in an unrequited attraction. It was time to chase after what I wanted, the guy I’d longed for as long as I could remember.
“Nobody ever knows that before they start dating someone.” I was making a leap, assuming he wanted to steer me toward girlfriend territory.
For all I knew, maybe he just wanted to sleep with me while I was helping with the house. I probably wouldn’t say no; it wouldn’t be the first time I’d banged a guy as a discovery exercise. There had even been a couple that I considered as relationship material, but in all honesty, Rob was always there in the back of my head. If it didn’t work out between us, maybe sex would get him out of my system.
“That’s true.”
“But look, if you’re uncomfortable or unsure, we can pretend it didn’t happen.” That offer nearly choked me on the way out. But I meant it. “You just broke up with someone. Maybe that’s why you’re backing off.”
“I’m afraid you’ll get bored.” He spoke the words while turning the ballerina statuette over in his hands, carefully not looking at me.
“You didn’t worry about that with Avery?”
“Not really. I would’ve needed to care more. With her, it was about trying to improve myself. I didn’t feel much of anything, but then, she never noticed.”
Wow.
“I can’t tell you what to do, but I won’t push you into anything.” Turning away, I headed back into my closet, hoping it didn’t show how crushed I was. Like, I could curl into a ball and cry. One lunch, one kiss and he’s done? It wasn’t even a long kiss.
Two minutes of rummaging later, and I produced the epic works of genius, as promised. Sure, I had the files on my computer, but that wasn’t enough for a true fan. My stories were all printed and collected in three-ring binders. God, the hours I collated paper and slaved with a hole punch to make Rob’s fantasy adventures look more official.
“Wow, you were serious,” he said as I handed him the stack.
“I don’t joke about fanfic.”
Smiling, he paged through the first volume, fast enough that I didn’t think he was reading. “Nobody’s ever cast me as regal before.”
“I was thirteen and reading a lot of sword-and-sorcery books.”
“Tell me I get to use a magic sword.”
“Obviously.” After flipping pages, I pointed to a particular scene. “This is where you defeat an evil wizard and liberate all of his stolen artifacts. You return most of them, but with a few items, the original owners are dead. Which is how you end up wielding Daystar.”
“See, this is why I kissed you. Your cuteness is fucking irresistible right now, Lauren.”
I smiled at him. “Yet here you are, resisting. Cut it out, Superman.”
“I’m starting to think it’s one of my dumber ideas.” He leaned in, threading his hand in my hair, and cupped the back of my head.
I closed my eyes.
This time, he felt different, more measured and deliberate, as if he’d considered the implications. Heat spilled through me from the delicate play of his lips across mine. For the first few seconds, his mouth was all candied curiosity, and then I wrapped my arms around him. Rob made a muffled sound and hauled me onto his lap, his other arm coming around me in a possessive movement, and the tenor of the kiss changed.
Hot and rough, sparks of sweetness interspersed with nips of teeth, and the thrust of his tongue. Breaking contact with a gasp, Rob fell back on my bed, intentionally, I thought, and when I followed, he rolled me beneath him. My whole body quivered. His weight pressed me into the mattress, but I only shifted to perfect our fit, and then I drew him down again.
He didn’t stop at my lips. His mouth traveled along my jaw, my ears, down my throat and back up for the most scorching kisses yet. He was molten in my arms, all hard muscle and barely leashed sex. Rob shifted once, twice, until I opened my legs a little. A quiet moan escaped me. If this was a mere preview, the sex would be amazing. He exhaled into my mouth and I breathed it in, tasted him in turn, until he was shaking, and each kiss felt deeper, hungrier, with an edge of wildness to every brush of his hands.
“God, you feel good,” he whispered.
“Mhm.” I dug my fingers into his deltoids, urging him on.
With a groan, he rolled off me. “If we don’t stop now, I won’t be able to.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“I just don’t want you to feel like we rushed into anything.”
“You do understand that women suffer from sexual frustration too, right?” If he insisted, I could take care of it myself, but that seemed like a waste. But talking was never a bad thing, especially if it resulted in better understanding.
“I know that. Damn. I just...” He cursed, jaw clenching. “Jesus, I want you so bad.”
“It’s sweet of you to be concerned, but I’m not the kind of person who regrets sex.” I wondered what he’d think if I told him that I was drunk when I slept with my roommate, and I’d done it mostly to prove a point. Yet that didn’t make me bad or stupid. Even if I did it for depressing reasons, the sex was good, and we were careful. “Basically, I don’t think pleasure between two consenting adults is ever shameful.”
He grinned at me. “You’re such a hippie. I suspect you’re trying to seduce me, but it won’t work.”
“Why not?” Yeah, I totally sounded disappointed.
“Because I’m not exactly prepared to finish this right now.”