By the time I finished, I was just about crying. Rob didn’t try to shush me. He didn’t tell me to calm down, either. He just picked me up and carried me to the couch, then settled me against his chest and stroked my back in long, slow sweeps. His touch calmed me faster than anything besides meds ever had. Normally I’d just go to bed and stay there for a day or two. He also didn’t mock how much I was overreacting to a small embarrassment, but the thing was, it wasn’t like I didn’t know that intellectually—some things just felt so horrible, I couldn’t do anything else.
“Is there any way I can make it better?” he asked eventually.
I exhaled. “You already are.”
“You don’t have to go tonight, it’s okay. I don’t—”
“No, I want to. Unless you can’t give me fifteen minutes?” Pushing to my feet, I aimed a questioning look his way, a little worried that he didn’t want me around, now that he’d seen my Achilles’ heel. I mean, I’d talked about it, but just hearing secondhand wasn’t the same as walking into a meltdown.
“I’d give you fifteen years,” he said quietly.
Please stop saying things like that. You’re making it so hard for teen-me. She already thought you were perfect, and it’s really hard to disagree.
“Okay, then. I’ll be right down.”
I rushed in getting ready, doing the minimum hair and makeup and pulling on the first decent outfit I found: jeans, red sweater, puffy jacket. By the time I added a pair of fur-lined boots, my time was almost up, and I ran down the stairs to find Rob watching TV calmly. He didn’t seem to have stirred, but my agitated subconscious had been sure he’d dodge out as soon as he had the chance. That’s what men do, they leave.
But maybe not all of them. Not Rob.
When he noticed me, he pushed to his feet. “You look beautiful. Ready?”
“Are your parents expecting me?” The worst of the shaking had stopped, and though I normally wouldn’t go out after freaking, it was good to push through it when possible.
“Yeah, I called to tell my mom and to let her know I’d be a little late.”
He helped me into my jacket and escorted me to the truck, but as far as I could tell, his manner hadn’t changed much; Rob wasn’t more protective or less, failing to make eye contact or staring at me too much. That was kind of...amazing.
“You don’t think I’m an idiot?” I managed to ask, once we pulled out of the driveway.
“You’re human. Would you make fun of me if you found out I was scared of spiders?”
“Are you?” I wondered aloud.
“Kind of. When I was a kid, I woke up with one crawling on my face, and I screamed the house down. My dad’s never let me forget it to this day.”
“Well, I’m not afraid, so if we run into any, I’ll handle them for you. I’m not a killer, though, so I’ll just put them outside.”
“Where they’ll freeze to death,” he joked.
“Probably. But I just don’t have it in me to crush things.”
“That’s part of what I...” He trailed off, suddenly absorbed in navigation, though he could likely find his parents’ house in his sleep.
“What?”
“Like about you.” But he didn’t look at me as he said it, and I had the feeling that was a substitution. But Rob didn’t love me. He couldn’t.
It’s too soon.
Though that was the wrong word also, since we’d known each other so long. Whatever this was had been years in the making. Deliberately I turned up the radio, giving him space. He relaxed visibly, and things were normal between us when we pulled up at Casa Conrad. His mom was already in the door, waving, like it had been months since she’d seen him. She was sweet and affectionate that way.
“So good to see you. What a surprise. How’s Nadia doing?”
I didn’t have the heart to admit that I talked to Rob a lot more these days. I missed Nadia so much. Like she’d said, we had been together, inseparable, for years, so the separation sucked. Lately I woke up wanting to whisper to her like we used to, but instead I had an empty room. Sometimes I got up to reread her emails. The distance between us had started because I couldn’t admit my real problems to her, and I had no idea how to fix things, how to get back to where we were.
So I said, “Last I knew, she’s insanely busy with school, work and the practicum. I don’t know how she does it.” Nadia was already working with special needs students a few days a week, and it sounded taxing.
Mrs. Conrad beamed. “I know. We’re so proud of her.”
At my back, Rob stiffened, and I had to wonder how often he’d heard that. Time to change the subject. “What’s for dinner? Something smells wonderful.”
“Homemade potpies—do you like them?” she asked, ushering me into the house.
“It would be impossible not to. It’s so cool of you to feed me. My mom’s quite the social butterfly these days.”
“So I hear. You’ll have to tell me all about Stuart. She’s too busy to gossip like we used to. Oh, dang, I need to...” Mrs. Conrad hurried to the kitchen with a mumbled request for us to take a seat.
There, that wasn’t so bad. My anxiety receded. For him, I could do this, even tonight.
Rob pressed a hand between my shoulder blades to draw my attention and when I glanced up, he smiled. I glimpsed an ocean of gratitude in his blue eyes.
CHAPTER TWELVE
A week and a half later, I’d survived both dinner with Rob’s parents and my first few days on the job. As expected, my new boss was kind of a pervert, but the woman I was replacing explained some tricks for keeping him in check, like never being alone with him behind closed doors and helping the sales and garage crew as much as possible.
“Why?” I asked.
Shelly paused in packing up her desk. This was the last day she’d be working with me. After today, I was on my own. “If the salesmen and the mechanics like you, they’ll step in if they see Davies bothering you.”
“Step in, how?”
“Ask you for a file or to make a call, maybe a cup of coffee.”
“Ah, so I have an excuse to leave.”
She nodded. “It’s not like you’re the manager’s personal assistant. You’re expected to support the dealership as needed.”
“Are you leaving because you can’t put up with it anymore?”