Rob: im not ok, can you come over?
Omw, I sent back.
My first thought was that he was sick—and that it might be serious. Otherwise, what would keep him on radio silence for so long? Maybe I’d worried for bullshit, self-involved reasons, asking all the wrong questions. I jammed my feet in the first shoes I found and ran down the stairs. My mom was out with Stuart, so her car was parked in the drive. After scrawling a note for her, I snatched my coat and keys.
The trip lasted at least a thousand hours, though the clock insisted it was more like fourteen minutes. I raced to the steps and knocked with more impatience than care. Rob must’ve been watching for me because he opened the door right away. His face was...indescribable, eyes gleaming with tears and mouth compressed into a white line, probably to hold in the pain.
“What’s wrong? What happened?”
Without speaking, he drew me into his arms and put his face in my hair. His arms were so tight, it almost hurt, but I wrapped my own around his waist, holding him just as fiercely. I could barely breathe against his chest, but that didn’t matter, either, given how he was shaking.
We stood like that for countless minutes before he calmed enough to take my hand and lead me upstairs. I understood we were going to talk, and it seemed better to let him tell me in his own time, though fear was silently chewing through my stomach lining and starting on my spleen. Rob settled in one of the chairs and pulled me onto his lap; it was like he couldn’t deal unless he was touching me. I threaded my hand through his hair, stroking lightly.
“Just tell me. We’ll figure it out, okay? I promise.”
“Okay, so...for the last two weeks, I’ve been going with my dad t-to the doctor. I didn’t know, but...he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s last year. My mom couldn’t get the time off work to drive him this time, so they had to tell me.” From his bleak, taut expression, that stung, like he was a last resort.
I suspected they’d done it not to upset him or to spare him pain, but for Rob, it had to feel like a vote of no confidence. “Oh, God, I’m sorry.”
Shit. Oh, shit. I wonder if Nadia knows. I hope she’s okay.
“He’s been trying different treatments to control it. But it looks like he probably won’t be on the job too much longer. The worst part is, I saw him every day at work this summer. And I never noticed anything was wrong. A better son, a smarter one, would have. And my mom wouldn’t be so fucking scared and exhausted if she could rely on me.”
“They did come to you.” I kissed his forehead, realizing nothing I said would get through right now.
“Only when there was no other choice. I’m surprised they didn’t fucking call Nadia and ask her to transfer.”
“If your dad loses his job, they won’t be able to afford her tuition.”
“Trust me, I know. And if I earned more money, I could help her. Help them. But in the last ten days, it’s been made painfully clear how little they expect of me.”
“Is that what’s bothering you?”
“Everything is. I think about how long my dad will suffer. From what I’ve been able to figure out, there’s no telling how bad it will get, and there are so many potential problems. I’m fucking terrified of losing him, even if I hate him sometimes for thinking I’m a stupid, worthless jackass, no good at anything that matters. And I can’t stand that I was just whining to you about him, like a sack of shit, when he and my mom w-were...” He put his face in my throat, so I couldn’t see when he broke down, but I felt the tears hot and damp against my skin.
The words clotted in the back of my throat. Really, what the hell could I say? And maybe it was more important to listen. He shook in my arms for over half an hour, according to the changing programs on the flickering TV. I held him and stroked his back until his breathing steadied. This was deep, uncharted territory; I’d never been the person a guy called when he was drowning and desperately needed someone to pull him back to shore. Rob’s vulnerability made me feel stronger, like I could tread water as long as he needed me to, because there was no way I’d let him go under.
I’m the jackass. I should’ve known there was a reason he didn’t call. It wasn’t sex. It wasn’t the dumb joke I made. It was serious.
Though I’d tried to have faith in him, my dad did screw me up. In the back of my mind, I knew this about men—when shit gets tough, they bail. Most of me fought that conditioning, and I honestly wanted to give Rob a chance. He might not be perfect, but from what I’d seen, he was honest and he didn’t run.
I hope.
“Why didn’t you tell me before?” I asked eventually. “Before you disappeared.”
He raised his face to meet my gaze, a touch of regret lingering there. His lashes were tangled and wet, eyes bruised from sleepless nights. This was the face of someone who wanted to save his family but didn’t know how. “My parents asked me not to mention it. They’re afraid if word gets back to the company, my dad will be fired as a safety risk.”
“It’s a reasonable concern,” I admitted.
My tone must’ve revealed my ambivalence because he added, “I’m so sorry. But I couldn’t see you without you realizing something was really wrong.”
“Would that’ve been so bad? I’d never repeat anything if you asked me not to.”
“Not even to Nadia?”
Tough call. I hesitated, torn between my loyalty to her and the desperate appeal in his eyes. She’d been my best friend since we were seven...but in the end, I said, “Fine. The news should come from your mom and dad anyway, not me. That would just hurt her more. When are they planning to tell her?”
“Closer to the end of the semester,” Rob answered. “Dad was hoping he’d be able to work longer, but he’s not even driving these days.”
“Maybe he could train for some other kind of work.”
“My mom said that, but he’s pretty pissed off at the world right now. I would be, too.”
Damn. Rob losing coordination, tremors, physical weakness...it would be devastating because he felt like he didn’t have anything else to compensate. I clutched a handful of his hair, silently corralling my dread. If I let it, my messed-up brain would chase demons down a rabbit hole and fixate on Rob ending up with the same diagnosis, years from now.
“So you got their permission to explain things?”
Rob shook his head. “I just... I couldn’t carry it alone anymore.”