“You must’ve made him look like a great sensei.”
“He was a good sensei. He just wasn’t a good dad.”
Callie wished she could touch Levi, let him know he wasn’t as alone as he probably felt. He seemed so isolated, sitting there mired in such dark memories. “Did you like competing?”
He shrugged. “For the most part.”
The sun was going down. She leaned forward to light the candle she’d put on the table. “So why’d you join the army?”
“To get away from him.”
The flame on the end of the candle flickered and cast moving shadows on his lean face. “Was he abusive with you, too?”
“Absolutely. Nothing too bad, like broken bones, but he certainly got violent. That’s not why I left, though. I was afraid I’d turn on him someday, hurt him—maybe even kill him. I had to get out before that day came.”
Obviously, he was dealing with a great deal of anger and resentment. She’d guessed that from his situation. She just hadn’t known the cause of it. “I see.”
He nursed the glass of chardonnay she’d served him. Because of her condition, she had to avoid alcohol as avidly as she avoided salt, but she liked to keep a bottle of wine on hand for her friends. She knew they’d guess something was up if she didn’t. They’d always shared a bottle when they had dinner in the past.
“What about your parents?” he asked.
His bottom lip, wet from the wine, drew her attention. He had a nice mouth—not that she was wise to notice. That fell into the same category as buying rubbers.
“They’re great.” She got up and carried her plate to the sink. “Very loving. Just saw them today.”
“Any siblings?”
“Nope. I’m an only child. Due to fertility problems, my parents had me late in life. I’m their ‘miracle,’ the answer to their prayers.” She indulged in a sentimental smile. “They’ve doted on me my whole life.”
“Doesn’t seem to have spoiled you.”
“I don’t think you can ruin anyone with love.”
For a few seconds, only the water running in the sink and the thump of Rifle’s tail hitting the floor where he lay in the corner broke the silence.
“So...what’s the hardest thing you’ve ever dealt with?” Levi asked.
She almost laughed. He’d said that as if he expected her to struggle for an answer. He’d grown up without a mother, and he’d had an abusive, controlling father. Then he’d gone to war and, if those names on his arm were as significant as she assumed, he’d watched several of his friends die. But at least he’d survived. At least he was finished staring death in the face and now had his whole life ahead of him.
“You can’t think of anything?” Levi prompted when she didn’t reply.
Not that she wanted to share... “I guess I’d have to say...what I’ve done with Kyle.”
“You wish you hadn’t slept with him?”
She shut off the water and turned toward him. “It was a mistake.”
“Because...”
“It didn’t happen for the right reasons.”
He seemed to consider that. “Why’d you do it?”
“A number of factors led up to it.”
Leaning back as if he was all set to listen but skeptical he could be convinced, he folded his arms. “Like...”
“A lack of options, for one. This is a small town.”
“That means you have to sleep with your friends?”
She flushed at his facetious tone. “No, but there aren’t a lot of romantic options here. So we’ve got two close friends, male and female, spending a great deal of time together in a town where there aren’t that many people to date. The guy has just come through a nasty divorce and is reeling from it. The woman knows he needs love and attention and that he’s everything she should want.”
Levi balanced his chair on its back legs. “Basically, you considered him.”
“I what?”
“You thought you might like to become more than friends.”
She dried her hands on a dish towel before tossing it aside. “I think he and I both felt that way at various points. It would’ve made life so easy if we could fall in love. We’re ready to settle down. We want children before we get too much older. We know the other is a good person, a trustworthy person. The only problem is that the nature of our love didn’t change just because we went to bed together.”
“So why can’t you forget it? You tried. It didn’t work. Move on.”
Typical guy. Practical in the extreme. “Because every time we see each other I’m reminded. I’m also afraid he might expect another...encounter, and that it’ll be hard to explain why my answer has to be no when it was ‘yes’ just a few weeks ago.”
“Can’t you avoid him?”
“No.” She knew he was teasing, but she explained, anyway. “He’s one of my best friends. Hence, the problem.”
He dropped his chair on all fours long enough to scoop the last of his lasagna into his mouth. “Was he your first?”
“At thirty-two?” She chuckled. “I’ve lived a sheltered life but not quite that sheltered. No, he wasn’t my first. But I wish he had been.”
“He was that good?”
“My first was that bad.”
“Tell me about him.”
“Peter was...a surprise. And definitely not a pleasant one.”
“This is getting more interesting by the minute.” Levi poured himself another glass of wine. He lifted the bottle to offer her some, but she shook her head. “Man, you eat healthy,” he said. “When you eat at all.”
“I’m doing the best I can.”
“Anyway, what was so surprising about Peter?”
“At first, I didn’t think there was anything unusual about him. He was two years older than me. Very suave. Very popular. Great tennis player. I fell head over heels.”
“Until...”
“He told me he was g*y.”
He gaped at her. “You’re serious?”
“Completely.”
“And you had no clue?”
“None. I mean...I knew he wasn’t that interested in making love. He’d be very affectionate in public, which would make me think all was well. But once we got behind closed doors he’d withdraw. I had to instigate almost every encounter, and he didn’t do a very good job of participating when we did have sex.”