* * *
When Callie’s phone rang, she hesitated to pick up. Several of her friends had tried to reach her, some more than once. She felt terrible for not being more responsive. But she was finding it harder and harder to pretend that everything was okay. And before she revealed the truth to them, she had to tell her parents.
Just how was she going to do that? Her visit today had been so...poignant. There was her mother rolling down the hall in her wheelchair, looking more fragile than ever, her father hugging her with the unabashed love of a doting parent. She couldn’t think of those things without flinching.
But it wasn’t only the secret about her health that kept her from answering her phone. She didn’t want to deal with any accusations regarding her involvement with Kyle. After Kyle’s behavior this morning, Cheyenne and Eve and the others had to suspect, since there’d been earlier evidence that had resulted in questions.
Maybe she should simply tell the truth about Kyle and apologize. Maybe that would rid her of the guilt and shame. It would lighten part of the load she was carrying, wouldn’t it?
But did she really want the others to know?
Absolutely not. Especially if she was going to die. She hated the thought that news of her indiscretion might become one of their last memories of her.
Besides, was her and Kyle’s secret any of their business? Not in some ways and, as he’d said, perhaps those were the ways that really mattered. She and Kyle were adults. They’d both consented to their encounters, just as they’d both agreed to keep their mouths shut.
She checked to see whose call she’d just missed. Eve’s. The list was getting extensive. Kyle had tried her three times. Cheyenne, Sophia and Baxter had each called once. Even Noah and Ted had reached out to see if she was okay. They could all sense that something was wrong.
If she told them about Kyle, they’d never guess she was fighting a much bigger battle. That could buy her some time, enough for her doctor to come up with the liver she needed—or, barring that, for her to find a way to tell her parents. Her doctor kept asking her to bring a family member to the clinic. He wanted to be sure she had the proper support at home. Fortunately, she’d been so consistent in saying she had the best parents and friends in the world that he’d let this stipulation slide.
“What do I do?” she asked Rifle, who paced with her along one side of the bed.
Ears perked up, he barked in response and licked her hand, which made her smile.
“I love you,” she told him. “Even if you are willing to throw me over for Levi.”
He tilted his head as if he didn’t understand why she’d accuse him of betrayal. She laughed; he could always make her feel better. But then her phone rang again and, since she had it in her hand, she could easily see who it was. Kyle.
He was the last person she wanted to talk to. But he also felt safer than Eve because he already knew one of her secrets.
“I’ve put myself in such a situation where he’s concerned,” she confided to Rifle. Then she took a deep breath and answered. She had to call all the rest of her friends back tonight. She might as well take this call now.
“There you are!” he said. “You had me so damn worried I was getting ready to drive over there.”
Good thing she’d answered. “I’m fine. I keep telling everyone that. I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine! Why do you keep asking?”
When he didn’t respond, she knew she’d been far too emphatic. Somehow she had to calm down. She didn’t have the right to feel sorry for herself. Until Valentine’s Day, she’d had a perfect life. She’d had wonderful parents, a happy childhood, devoted friends. Maybe she hadn’t had a particularly great sex life or fallen head over heels in love, the way she’d dreamed of doing while watching Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella as a little girl, but what was that compared with all the rest?
Some people never experienced the peace and contentment she’d taken for granted.
Kyle cleared his throat, no doubt trying to figure out what to say. “Callie, I—”
She broke in before he could offer yet another apology. “I think we should tell.”
“What?”
“You heard me. We should tell the others. About us.”
“Hell, no! What’s there to be gained from that?”
When she pivoted in front of her dresser, she barely avoided tripping over her dog, who seemed reluctant to settle down for the night until she did. “I hate feeling as if...as if we’ve wronged them in some way.”
“How have we wronged them?”
“Our actions have threatened the cohesiveness of the group, changed the chemistry. You know that.”
Rifle barked as if he agreed.
“Our actions haven’t threatened anything,” Kyle insisted. “Because we’re not going to let what happened come between us. We’ve talked about this already.”
“That’s easier said than done, Kyle.”
“Why can’t you just let it go? Or are you angry with me about what we did?”
With her foot she smoothed a wrinkle in the throw rug covering the hardwood floor. “I’m not blaming you, if that’s what you’re asking. I’m angry with myself for allowing the situation to get out of control.”
“We got caught up in what was going on between us at the time. I think we both wondered...what if, thought it might lead somewhere. At least, I did. And, if it helps, I take full responsibility for dragging you into it. Just please tell me that’s not what’s eating you up inside!”
She squeezed her forehead. She didn’t want to put Kyle through this. She wasn’t sure what she was doing, why she was making such an issue out of a handful of sexual encounters that they’d both enjoyed. Maybe it was because she’d experienced so few sexual encounters in her life.
“Are you afraid we might let it happen again?” he asked.
That had been the problem over the past few weeks. Once they’d crossed that line, it was too easy to slip over it again. They were young and full of the hormones that went with their stage of life—and now they were comfortable getting naked together.
But there’d been no danger of sleeping with Kyle since Levi had shown up. Callie hadn’t even thought of it, except to regret what she’d done.
Kyle guessed the truth before she could answer. “Not anymore, right?”
“Kyle, I care about you. I’m just going through a hard time.”