“How’d you know you had a problem? What were your symptoms?”
“Besides looking jaundiced and feeling shitty? I got these weird red spots on my chest—spider angiomata, they’re called. I also had redness on the palms of my hands.”
“That’s from liver disease?”
“Those are some of the symptoms, yes. Once I went in, they found that my liver was enlarged.”
“What are the chances of surviving a transplant?”
She crouched to hug her dog. “That’ll depend on whether or not my body rejects the new liver. But the statistics are hopeful. The majority of liver transplants are successful.”
“The majority...”
“About eighty-five percent of recipients survive one year,” she clarified. “Something like seventy percent survive three. I don’t know after that, but I’m young and otherwise healthy. With the right match, I’d have a good prognosis. I’d just have to take immunosuppressant drugs for the rest of my life.”
“And that’s okay?”
“They have some potentially harsh side effects. The steroids can cause skin cancer and other problems, but they’ll watch me closely. Except for taking a lot more pills on any given day than the average person, I’ll be able to live a normal life.”
“That means all we have to do is make sure you get a new liver.”
“I wish we had more control over that than we do.” She rubbed her face against Rifle’s as he licked her cheek. “We’re having coffee with the others in the morning. Maybe I’ll tell them.” In light of Baxter’s reaction, the guilt of not having done so was bothering her.
“Right there in the coffee shop?” he asked.
She straightened. “No?”
“Family first, Callie. Hard as it is, you have to tell your parents.”
“Don’t pressure me! I think that’s why I’ve been holding off. I don’t want to feel what others are feeling.”
“You’re not an island. You need to do it soon.”
“I’ll do it in my own time. Tell me you’ll respect that.”
“Of course I’ll respect that! But—”
“No buts. I’ll come back and haunt you if you let me down.”
“That’s not funny,” he said.
She felt like crying again and couldn’t come up with anything to say in return. Silence settled between them. Then he asked, “Does the man who’s staying with you—Levi—know what’s going on?”
She glanced at her closed door. “He doesn’t. And I’d rather he didn’t find out.” He wasn’t part of her usual world, so she felt no obligation to tell him. “He’ll be gone before I’m at my worst.”
How long do I have to live? she’d asked her doctors. You might make it through the summer, but...you’ll probably be feeling pretty poorly by August... If last night was any indication, the doctor was absolutely right. “There’s no reason for him to know.”
“Your worst,” Baxter repeated. “This is nuts. I’m at a total loss, don’t even know what to say. It just...can’t be happening.”
Thinking of the nausea that often plagued her, she turned away from her reflection. “Trust me. It’s for real.”
“Now I’m glad you have someone living with you. If you’d picked up when I called before, I would’ve told you it wasn’t safe. But I like the idea that you’ve got company. At least you’re not out there alone.”
When she climbed into bed, Rifle lay down on the rug where he’d been resting before. “I’m glad, too.”
“One more thing.”
“What?”
“Shouldn’t you tell Kyle? I mean...you two are closer than the rest of us.”
“Oh, my gosh! You’re not giving up until I admit it!” She chuckled but she didn’t really find it funny.
“I’m just thinking of all the people who’ll be hurt by this. I don’t care who you sleep with, Callie. I hope you know that. I’d be the last person to judge.”
“I feel the same way about you,” she said.
There was a slight pause. “I appreciate that more than I can say.”
“I’ll tell Kyle soon,” she promised. “But will you ever tell Noah what you’ve been keeping from him?”
“No. Absolutely not. I can’t.”
This was the closest Baxter had ever come to admitting his feelings for Noah.
“I understand why,” she said.
“Are you the only one who’s guessed?”
She had to be honest with him. “No, Eve’s guessed, too. And Cheyenne. But not Gail or Sophia, so far as I know. And none of the guys.”
“I keep telling myself to move to the city, where I can be who I am.”
“But...”
“That would mean leaving you and everyone else behind. Including him.”
“We want what’s going to make you happiest.”
“Problem is...there’s a cost either way.”
11
“I’m going to have coffee with my friends this morning.” Wearing a robe over the T-shirt and panties she’d slept in, Callie scooped scrambled eggs onto Levi’s plate. “Would you like to come with me and meet them or—”
“No, I think it’s best if I stay out of town.” He kept his eyes on his food even when Rifle nudged him, hoping for a pat. “I’ll get to work on the barn.”
“Okay. Is there anything you need? Like those nails I bought yesterday?”
“I don’t think so.”
“There’s got to be something you want.” They sold giant cinnamon rolls at Black Gold Coffee. Delicious muffins, too. She’d been about to mention those, but when he finally glanced up, the words seemed to congeal in her throat. In that moment, she understood how he’d interpreted her words. She also understood that there was something he wanted, but it had nothing to do with food. His discovery of that bustier last night had created some added tension between them. He hadn’t acted any differently when she’d walked out to find him in the process of getting dressed. He’d merely buttoned his jeans and pulled on a shirt. But now... She could feel the change.
Instinctively, she wet her lips, but then he tore his gaze away, and she knew, for whatever reason, he’d never actually touch her. He wanted to but he wouldn’t.