“She’s my best friend. I’ve never told anyone that before. Not even Lexi. I guess it’s ’cos you know how it feels.” She glanced at me quickly. “It’s really hard to lose a parent. I don’t think people get it until it happens to them.”
“Does the pain ever go away?” I clenched my hands, determined not to cry. I’m a man, I shouldn’t let every little thing bring me to tears.
“Not really. It lessens. But there isn’t a day that goes past that I don’t think of her. It gets hard sometimes, because I was so young when she died. I can’t always picture her face and it makes me scared, but then I just look at a photo.”
“I think about my mom every minute of the day.” I looked into my shake. “There isn’t a moment that I don’t hear her voice or see her smile. She was the only one who truly loved me from day one.” My throat choked up and I looked away.
“She’s not the only one who will ever love you though Bryce.” She grabbed my hand and squeezed. “I think you of all guys won’t have a problem finding love.”
“You speak as though it’s in the future.” I laughed.
“You speak as though she’s the only one who’s ever loved you.” She replied to the question not spoken and I nodded my head.
“You know, Anna, you see yourself as a wallflower who no one sees and I see myself as the guy that everyone sees and no one really knows.”
“You’re the guy everyone wants to be, Bryce.” She tapped her fingers against the table. “And the guy every girl wants to be with.”
“Not if they knew what my life was really like.” I sighed. “No one would want to be me, or be with me, then.”
“You have Lexi.”
“I don’t know about that.” I sighed. “I don’t know if I ever really had her.”
“It’s like you were made for each other. It’s the story we all want to believe when we’re in high school. The popular quarterback falls for the shy, studious one. Haven’t you seen the movies, Bryce? Your reality is everyone’s fantasy.”
“But that’s the problem, Anna, don’t you see? This isn’t a movie and it’s not reality. We’re not in high school anymore. I’m far from the blonde jock that everyone wants to be with. I’m just a regular f**ked up guy. I’m nobody’s Prince Charming. In fact, I’m more akin to the evil wolf.”
“You’re one handsome evil wolf, Bryce Evans.”
“But I’m still a wolf, Anna. I’m still a wolf.”
“Yeah, maybe you are.” She smiled at me sadly and, once again, I was taken aback by her complete and utter honesty, even when she knew what she was saying may hurt me. I respected that about her.
“So tell me Anna. Why me?” I cocked my head and licked my lips.
“I suppose you think I’m the evil? The jealous kooky best friend.” She sighed. “I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I regret that night more than anything, it was a horrible thing to do. I’ve got issues with Lexi, but that wasn’t the way to deal with them.”
“I don’t think you’re evil. I’m the last one to pass judgment on anybody.” She laughed then, an energized, deep, from the gut laugh and I was happy to see that she was no longer down on herself. “That makes me feel better, Bryce. You are the last person to judge me for what happened.” She wiped tears away from her eyes.
“I want to ask you a question, Anna.”
“Sure.”
“Do you think I would make a good dad?”
“A dad?” Her eyes widened. “Is this a random subject change or what?”
“Yeah.” I laughed and leaned towards her.“Would you be happy if I was your child’s father?”
“Are you asking me to have a kid, Bryce?” She asked me, only half joking.
“No. I just wanted a third party view on how they think I would be as a dad.”
“But I don’t really know you.” She made a face.
“Well, from what you know?”
“I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
“Hey, don’t be sorry.” I sighed. It was true. She most probably wanted to tell me no. I mean, it wasn’t like she knew anything good about me.”
“I just don’t know you that well. Not everyone should have a kid.” She looked away from me.
“That’s true.” I looked at a Disney photo on the wall next to our table. “I think I’d be a good brother, though. I’d do whatever I can to make her happy. I’d be her family. It’s what my mom would have wanted. She’s old enough to go to kindergarten while I take classes and I can work from home. I can make this work.” I chattered excitedly.
“Wait what?” Anna interrupted me. “Brother or father? I’m confused here.”
I looked at her in shock. In my excitement I had spoken too much. “I can’t talk about it, Anna.”
“I’m so confused.” She shook her head. “Maybe you can just take me home?”
“It’s my sister.” I blurted out. I didn’t want to be alone. Not now. I needed to talk to someone. “You can’t tell anyone. But I have a little sister. I can barely believe it as I say the words. I want to adopt her.”
“Wow.
“She’s Lexi’s sister as well. My dad is the father and her mom is the mom.”
“What?!?!” Her jaw dropped and I realized that she didn’t know about the affair.
“She never told you?”
“There are many things that Lexi and I never shared,” she sighed. “So how old is your sister?”
“Four, I think, maybe five.”
“So this happened while we were in high school?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s funny, isn’t it? In high school we think that our lives are going to end if something doesn’t go our way. Little do we know that there’s a whole world waiting for us to show us that there’s not a lot that’s going to go our way.”
“That’s pretty deep.”
“For a girl from Jonesville?” She laughed and I stared at the length of her throat. And then the curve of her lips. She’s not the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, but she has a lot more character than I’ve ever witnessed.
“I’m surprised you didn’t tell me I’d make a great dad.”