“Maybe. Or even someone from Illinois or even Missouri. We have a lot of families looking for children. They don’t all need to stay in the State. Shelby can go anywhere. Full rights to her were given up.”
“But she can’t leave Jonesville. How will we see her?” My voice rose with panic. “I just met her, she can’t leave.”
“It’s not going to happen overnight, Bryce.” Luke put his hand on my shoulder again. “You’ll figure out a way to stay in touch.”
“I want her to know.” I said the words before I even thought about them properly. “I want her to know I’m her brother.”
“What about Lexi?”
“She can decide for herself.” I sighed. “But I want Shelby to know today.”
“Don’t you want to discuss it with Lexi first? See what she wants to do as well?”
“No.” My answer was firm. I didn’t know what was going to happen with Lexi, or when. I wanted her to get to know Shelby as well, but I wasn’t going to delay telling her the truth because of that. Lexi had known about Shelby her whole life and she had never told me. I didn’t owe her this now. I hardened my heart to the slight guilt I felt. I loved Lexi, but I wasn’t going to let that love take over everything in my life. “I’d like to tell her when we go back in the room.”
“Okay then.” Luke frowned but he didn’t say anything else to me.
“Don’t judge me, Luke. You haven’t told her about Shelby either.”
“I know.” He looked away. “I hope it wasn’t a mistake.”
“She’s a special girl.”
“Yes.” I heard the smile in his voice and I felt like an ass**le for bringing her up.
“I’m sorry by the way.” I spoke quickly, knowing I had to say something.
“For?”
“Having her heart.”
“Oh.”
“Shall we see if Shelby’s up?” I changed the subject, not wanting to continue the conversation.
“Let me make a call first.” I watched as Luke walked away and I took a seat. My head was pounding but, this time, I wasn’t upset or worried. I was just excited and happy to be alive. I wanted to make my mom proud. I wanted to do something that would make everything worth it. I wanted to be the man that she knew I could be. At twenty-three, I wasn’t much of a man. Yes, the marines had shaped me, strengthened me in some ways, but, ultimately, I’d always hidden behind my façade. I had always told myself that I was a failure, that my whole life was a lie, that I was never the golden boy and could never be. Part of me had rebelled from that label for as long as I could remember. I didn’t think I fit the title and I didn’t think I ever could. But what struck me most, was that I never even tried. I was always defeated before I started. I was always running away from the truth, unable to face up to the pain and stress I felt at not being good enough.
My heart jumped as my phone rang and I looked down at it, eagerly, hoping it was Lexi. I sighed as I saw that it was Anna. I was about to put the phone back in my pocket, unanswered, but decided to answer it. I had treated her badly. In fact, she was most probably the one who was affected the most by what I had said.
“Hi, Anna.”
“Bryce.” Her voice was soft, unsure and I felt a sudden overwhelming urge to hug her.
“Are you okay?” I said, gruffly. “I’m sorry I told Lexi.”
“Don’t apologize, Bryce,” she sighed. “What I did was wrong. I’m glad you told her. It allowed me to air many problems that had been plaguing our friendship.”
“Oh man, I hope you guys are okay.”
“I’m not sure if we’ll ever be okay, but that’s okay.” She cleared her throat and continued. “I was actually calling to see if you’re okay.”
“Me?” I was surprised that she had called after everything that had happened. “I can’t lie, it hurts like hell, but I’m trying to just get through each day as best as I can.”
“My mom died when I was young. I know what it’s like to lose a parent you love.” Her voice was soothing to the ear and I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes and listened. “My words and words from others won’t even patch the pain, but I want you to know I’m here if you ever need me, to talk or whatever.”
“Thank you, Anna.”
“I know that may be hard because of what happened and Lexi and stuff, but I’m here if you ever feel lonely.” She paused and I had the feeling that she was crying.
“What are you doing this afternoon?” I asked her, against my better judgment.
“Nothing, why?” She sounded surprised.
“I was thinking maybe we could hang out, go somewhere and talk.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I’m sure.” It seemed to me that Anna needed it more than I did.
“Thanks, do you mind…”
“Picking you up?” I laughed. “Not at all. I’ll text you when I’m on the way.”
As I hung up, I saw Luke in front of me with a curious look on his face, “Who was that?”
“Uh, Lexi,” I lied, for some reason not wanting him to know that I was going to meet Anna.
“Oh? You guys are going to meet up?”
“Yeah. After I leave here.”
“Huh, okay.” He looked unhappy and my heart went out to him. What a horrible situation for us all to be in.
“Shall we go and see Shelby again?”
“I’m afraid the doctor has asked if we wait until another day to give her the news. He doesn’t want to overwhelm her.”
“Sure that makes sense.” I tried to hide my disappointment. I had wanted Shelby to know now. I had wanted her to know she had a family. A brother who was here to love and spoil her.
“You should decide what you’re going to tell your dad, if you decide to make this public.” Luke’s voice was low and I could see the concern on his face. He was right. I hadn’t even thought about what my dad would say if it got out that I was spending time with my little sister. Everyone would know what a fake he was then. I frowned while thinking. I couldn’t let it get out about Shelby or my dad would do whatever it took to discredit me and keep us apart.
“Luke, I’m going to ask you to keep this quiet.”
“What?”
“If my dad finds out about Shelby, he’s going to ship her off somewhere as fast as he can. He is not going to want this to get out.”