“He’s not your savior, Lexi. You were nearly raped by his best friend,” he shouted at me. “It was the least he could do.”
“He saved me, Luke,” I cried out to him. “Why don’t you understand?”
“I’m sorry, Lexi. I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” he cried out in anguish.
“It’s not your fault, Luke.” I stared at his pained face. “I don’t blame you for not being there.”
“I can’t keep doing this, Lexi,” he sighed and stood up. “I can’t just sit by and watch you fling yourself at a guy who doesn’t deserve you.”
“Who does deserve me, Luke?” I jumped up. “I don’t see many guys knocking my door down. I’m fed up of being alone.”
“You don’t have to be alone, Lexi.” He spoke quietly and I stilled. I was scared at what he was going to say next. “I’ve always been here for you.”
“You’re my best friend, Luke.”
“Maybe I want to be more.”
“No, no you don’t.” My words were panicked and unsure. “You’re just confused.” I stepped away from him and avoided his gaze.
“Haven’t you ever thought about it?” His voice was pained. “We get on so well.”
“Anna likes you,” I burst out. “I swear to God, she likes you.”
“I don’t like Anna like that.”
“You don’t know. Please Luke,” I cried, “I can’t deal with this right now.”
“With what, Lexi? Living in reality? Does it always have to be a daydream? You don’t even know Bryce.”
“I do.” I looked in his eyes and my heart broke at the intense emotion I saw reflected there. “I’m sorry, Luke.”
“Yeah.” He sat on my bed. “What can I say? I tried.”
“You don’t know Bryce like I do, Luke.” I sighed and pulled out a small box from under my bed and opened it and pulled out a handful of letters. “These are from Bryce.”
“What are they?” He looked at me in confusion.
“I wrote to him when he went to war.” I bit my lip. “We corresponded for about a year. He’s a good guy, Luke. A sincere guy.”
“But he’s been gone for longer than a year.” He frowned.
“I stopped writing.” I looked at him, anxiously. “I didn’t want to out myself and I didn’t want to live in a dream world. I know you are worried for me, Luke. I know you think I don’t know him. But I do. He’s a good guy, Luke. A really good guy. He just has a lot of scars.”
“We all do, Lexi,” he sighed.
“Luke, your life is perfect. You’re smart, handsome, with great parents, money and you have me as a best friend.” I tried to make a joke at the end and he smiled back at me vacantly.
“Sometimes the deepest scars are the ones you don’t see, Lexi.” His words were clipped and short and something inside of me broke. I didn’t know what he was talking about, but I knew that the burden I was carrying was eating me up inside.
“So can I see one of the letters?” Luke interrupted my reverie and offered me a half-smile. “If he’s going to be your boyfriend, I suppose I should see just how deep he really is.”
“Oh, Luke.” I pulled him towards me and gave him a hug. “I love you soo much. I don’t know what I would ever do without you.”
Luke pulled out a letter and opened it. “Can I read it out loud?”
“Sure,” I smiled. I wanted him to understand why Bryce was so near and dear to my heart.
“Ok, well he has nice handwriting.” He laughed and opened up the letter.
Dear Miss,
Your last letter couldn’t have come at a better time for me. One of my friends was sent home last week, due to a injury in combat. It’s weird writing that. I never thought that I would ever write those words. But, then again, I never thought I would be in the military either. I was never a fan of watching war movies when I growing up. Did you know I had to keep my eyes closed through most of ‘Saving Private Ryan’?
Thanks for the brownies you sent. They went down a treat. I shared them with my unit and they all say anytime you want to send more, feel free. You’re a good cook. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess you are a baker or in culinary school? Am I right? Sorry if I’m prying too much. I just want to get to know as much about you as possible. Did you know that when I was in high school I took a home economics class? My best friend and I thought it would be a great way to meet girls. Ssh, don’t tell anyone.
I wanted to let you know how important your letters are to me. When I read them, I feel like I have a kindred spirit out there. Someone who understands what it means to feel confused and misunderstood by life. Someone who also has inner pains that no one knows about. Sometimes I think that life has thrown me a wrench because everyone else thinks I’ve had it too good. And maybe that’s the way it should be. I’ve done some really horrible things in my life. And had some real tragedies. Sometimes I just want to die. I’m sorry if that sounds morbid, but sometimes when I look in the mirror and I see this golden boy that everyone loves, I think to myself, if only everyone knew the real you, would they love you then?
I’ve been such a selfish boy in my life and now that I’m becoming a man, (the war will do that to you) I want to be a better person. A bigger person. I want to be a person that I can respect and, hopefully, one day you respect as well.
I hope to hear from you soon. With all the love and thanks from my unit.
Bryce
Luke’s voice trailed off as he finished reading the letter and he looked up at me with a half-smile. “So, I’ll give it to you. He’s deeper than I thought.”
“He’s a nice guy, Luke.”
“So does he know you wrote the letters?” He paused. “I’m confused by the Miss name.”
“No, not yet. Unless he figured it out.” I smiled, wistfully. “That would be kind of awesome though, if he knew it was me all along.”
“That would be romantic.” Luke’s voice was tense. “I guess you guys are meant to be.”
I grabbed his hand and looked into his eyes. “You know, I’ve always believed in soul mates, Luke. I think he could be the one.”
“If you think so, Lexi. That’s what is most important.” He squeezed my hand back. “I just want you to be happy.”