“Yeah, it’s a bundle of delight. Almost as much fun as disappearing to a small town in Florida.”
“Yeah, that was great fun.”
“I’m surprised you came back, what with your great love still being there and all.”
“Sarcasm doesn’t suit you.”
“I’m sorry that you think that.” He turned back to his computer. “I’m kind of busy.”
“Is that a hint to leave?”
“I won’t stop you if you walk out the door.” He started tapping on the keys in front of him and I walked over to the table.
“Hey.” I sat down in the dark mahogany chair.
“Yes?” He looked up at me in irritation.
“Really?” I rolled my eyes at him. “We’re going to play this game?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I know you’re mad at me. I understand that. I didn’t expect you to just forgive me when I got back. But this—this weird, rude sarcasm, this is not what I expected. Shout at me if you must, scream, whatever. Just don’t treat me like some random person you don’t know and don’t like.”
“But I don’t really know you, do I?” He frowned at me. “And it’s not like you trust me or care about my feelings. You didn’t tell me you were working for the FBI, you won’t tell me about our mom. I mean, come on, Noah, what sort of brothers are we?”
My breath caught at his words and I stared into his blazing eyes with my heart pounding.
“Do you think it was easy for me to just walk away without telling you? Do you think it didn’t keep me up at night? Do you think I didn’t want to call you every single morning and every single night? It f**king killed me, Zane. I wanted to tell you so badly.”
“So why didn’t you? You told others. Do you know how much that hurt me?”
“I don’t know why she told you I told her.” I said angrily. “I—”
“Who is she?” Zane frowned at me. “I was talking about Sidney.”
“Oh.” Fuck. “That’s what I meant …”
“No, it isn’t. Who is she? Who else did you tell?” Zane starred at me with a shocked and incredulous expression. “I know you’re not talking about Mrs. Johnson, but who else is there? Wait.” Zane’s expression changed to anger as realization dawned. “Are you talking about Mom? Did you tell Mom?”
My face turned red and he looked at me in confusion. “So you’ve been in contact with her? To the point where you would tell her about leaving?”
“It’s not like that.” I shook my head and my tone was bleak.
“What is it like, Noah?”
“Have you ever loved someone so much that you’ve walked away because that is the only thing you can do to protect them?”
“What?” He looked at me in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
“When I left, all I could think about was you. I knew that you would be devastated. We were all we had. And you’ve looked after me my whole life. You’ve been the best big brother ever. And you’ve always tried to protect me. Even when I didn’t need protecting. Well, I had to protect you as well.”
“You weren’t protecting me by leaving and making me think you were dead, and you sure aren’t protecting me by not telling me about Mom. I’m not a baby, Noah. I don’t need you to hold my hand while you rip off the Band-Aid. Fucking pull that shit off and let it burn.”
“Going to Palm Bonita without telling you was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life. I wasn’t skipping and singing songs, delighting in the fact that I pulled the wool over your eyes. But I couldn’t just do nothing. They killed people, Zane. I was young and dumb and maybe I handled it incorrectly, but when Agent Waldron told me this was the only solution, I believed him. I had to give up everything. When I moved, I had nothing and no one and no one to talk to.”
“I’m sorry.” Zane’s eyes looked bleak. “I can’t profess to know what it was like.”
“It was hard. There were some days where I didn’t even make it out of bed because I didn’t care. I was in this limbo. I had nowhere to go, nothing to do, no one to talk to.”
“How did you get out of that funk?”
“One day, I met someone. She knew right away that I wasn’t like most of the other people in town.”
“Is this the girl you fell in love with?” Zane questioned me, and a dart of pain shot through my heart.
“She’s the girl that broke my heart into pieces.” I shook my head. “We’re powerless, you know, when it comes to love. No matter what type of love it is. You can love someone wholly and completely as a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend. But none of it matters. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if you want to do the right thing and take care of someone. Sometimes there are external factors that will do everything in their power to stop you from making something right.”
“So this woman that you met? She’s the one that gave you hope? Did someone stop you from being with her?”
“I thought she was a victim when I first met her. I thought she was hiding out from an abusive ex. The first time I met her, she told me to be careful in the town. She told me there were a lot of bad people. I should have taken her at her word. She warned me from the beginning.”
“Did someone hurt you?” Zane clenched his fist.
“Not physically.” I shook my head and closed my eyes as memories came pouring in from my early days in Palm Bonita. The second time I’d seen her she was in the grocery store, studying the labels on milk. “I’d recommend the whole milk.” I smiled at her as I walked over to her. “People like to recommend the two percent or one percent because it has less fat, but whole milk is a lot better for your bones.” She’d stared at me for a minute without talking before grabbing a bottle of one percent. “I see you take advice well.” I continued with a quick smile and grabbed a bottle of whole milk.
“I didn’t ask you for any advice.” Her eyes smirked at me. “I make my own decisions.” She walked away from me and down to the produce aisle. For some reason I followed her and picked up some bananas as she grabbed some apples. She looked over at me and shook her head before walking up to me. “I thought I told you to be careful in this town?” Her voice was low and she looked around the store to see if there was anyone watching us as she spoke.