“You’ve grown.” Sidney’s voice was serious and low. “I remember the boy that walked through my front door, so incensed about the injustice that I had been through, that many blacks have been through. The boy who felt my pain but didn’t quite understand the dynamics of that history. And now you’re a man, and you’ve got your own story, one that you want to tell, and I’m hurting for you inside. But behind that hurt is pride. I’m proud of you, my son. I’m proud of the man you’re becoming. I was proud of the boy you were. But I’m proud of the man you are becoming as well. Just don’t let what you’ve gone through break you. We love you, and we are all here for you when you’re ready to talk about it.” Sidney sat up slowly. “And I’ll tell you all one thing, one thing that hits home in this whole conversation. My life changed the day I stopped looking at myself as a black man first and foremost. I look at myself as a man and a husband. My race, as categorized through the eyes of others, doesn’t make up who I am. If someone chooses to be afraid of me, or to look down upon me, or think I’m uneducated, or inferior, well, that’s on them. That’s between them and their God. I don’t take on those stereotypes anymore. I’m not a criminal and I’m not inferior. I’m black and I’m God damn proud of it, but that doesn’t define my life. I won’t let that fear of what others are thinking or feeling about me control me. It’s taken me a long time to get to this place. My identity has always been that of a black man and what that means for me and for everyone around me. Now my identity is that of a loving husband and father.” He laughed. “Don’t get it wrong, though. I’ve only recently gotten to that place. But I’ve been angry and upset for too long now. I realized that God didn’t want me to carry that burden any longer.”
“That’s not an easy thing to do.” My stomach twisted as I thought about Skylar and the burden I carried around with me every day.
“It’s not easy, but sometimes letting go and forgiving others and yourself is the only way to move forward in life.” Sidney stared into my eyes. “There’s always more life to live, and sometimes you just have to live it. You don’t want to wake up and be eighty years old and regretting the path you took.”
“Yeah.” I nodded and looked down. “It’s just not that easy to move on. Especially when you know the other person is still living in that place, in that pain, and there is nothing you can do to stop it.”
“There’s never nothing you can do.” Sidney looked up and stared at me. “You just have to think it through a little bit harder. But there’s never nothing you can do.”
“That’s true.” I nodded at him and sighed. There was one thing I could do, but if I did it, there was a possibility I could go to jail for the rest of my life. And even worse than that was the possibility that I could put Skylar in even more harm.
Chapter 5
“Aren’t you going to kiss me?” She grinned up at me, with a devilish glint in her blue eyes. “We’ve been on two dates now.”
“I didn’t want to assume anything.” I smiled at her and studied her pouty bright red lips. “Though I suppose I should have read the signs a bit better.”
“The signs?”
“Your hooker red lipstick.” I laughed.
“Hooker red?” She leaned in closer to me and ran her fingers down my chest.
“Not that I’m calling you a hooker.”
“Of course not.” She pressed her br**sts against my chest lightly. “You’d be paying me if I was a hooker, and I would be demanding payment upfront.”
“Payment upfront, huh?” I laughed. “Are you trying to take me for all my money?”
“It depends on how much money you have.” She whispered against my lips. “I’m still waiting, by the way.”
“I suppose if you want a kiss, I shouldn’t disappoint you.”
“I don’t suggest that at all.” Her arms encircled my waist and she pulled me towards her. I felt the bulge in my pants hardening against her stomach, and I guess she felt it as well because I saw her grin and lick her lips.
“Hopefully the kiss doesn’t disappoint you, though,” I teased her before leaning down and tracing my tongue along her lower lip, before sinking my teeth into it.
“I don’t think you’ll disappoint me.” She breathed out huskily before raising her hands to my face and running her hands through my hair. “Not at all.” She breathed against my lips before reaching up and pressing her br**sts against my chest and kissing me passionately. Her tongue was in my mouth before I even knew what was happening, and she tasted like a minty, mysterious paradise. I kissed her back with fervor, nibbling on her tongue as my hands explored her back. I felt her hands reach under my shirt, and she scratched my back as she sunk into me. My hands found their way to the front of her top, and I gently caressed her stomach as my fingers worked their way up to her bra. She gasped as I gently squeezed her nipple, and I felt her fingers work their way to my belt, which she promptly unbuckled. Her lips encircled my tongue and sucked tightly as her fingers encircled my now extremely hard erection. I pulled her towards me tightly as I felt the thrill of sex coursing through my body. My fingers slipped up under her bra, and I felt her body melting into mine as they traced the curve of her breast.
“Come back inside.” She purred as she looked up at me.
“Are you sure?” I held her arms up and pressed her against the door, so she could feel the full length of my hardness against her.
“I want you inside of me, so yes, I’m sure.” She licked her lips slowly and seductively.
“I see.” I laughed, suddenly feeling a bit like a fish out of water.
“I don’t play games, Noah. I know what I want and I want you.” Her face hardened a little bit. “The question is, are you up for it?”
“I’m always up for it.” I growled back at her, not liking how she was challenging my masculinity. There was something about her that put me on edge. I was attracted and intrigued by her, but a part of me didn’t even like her.
“Then come inside.” She grabbed my arm and pulled me back into the apartment. “I told you to be careful of the big bad wolf.”
“I’m no piggy.” I stared back at her. “You’re not going to blow my house down.”