We stood there for a moment, not making eye contact.
“I guess I’ll talk to you later,” Gracie said, her words clipped.
“Later,” I agreed and watched my friend turn and walk back into the bar.
18
“I’ll be at Jordan and Garrett’s this weekend. They’re finalizing the tour dates and I need to be there to help them get stuff sorted. Will you be okay by yourself?” Maysie asked, standing in the doorway of my room, as I got ready to go to my internship.
I looked at her in the mirror and arched my eyebrow. “Did I forget how to take care of myself or something? Do you need to be here to make sure I eat my vegetables and drink my milk?” I joked and Maysie shook her head.
“Such a smartass. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. We haven’t really talked about how you’re holding up after your dad and well, you hide things so it’s hard to know if you need me here or not,” Maysie said awkwardly and I gave her an appreciative smile.
“I’m okay, Mays. I swear,” I said, putting my brush down and standing up to face her. My best friend came into my room and gave me a hug. And I let her; because there were times I needed them as much as the next person.
“How’s your mom?” she asked me softly and I lifted my hands.
“She’s surviving. I think that’s all I can expect of her right now,” I said.
“Yeah, I get that,” Maysie remarked and I could tell she was uncomfortable. Knowing what to say to someone who had so recently lost a loved one was tricky. There was a fine line between being supportive and patronizing. Not many people understood that.
I may be swimming in some pretty deep denial but honestly I felt like I was doing fine. Sure, I hurt. I grieved. But for the most part I was throwing myself into school and work and making sure I did the things I had always planned. And for right now that was helping.
After my epic confrontation with Garrett at Barton’s, things had gone thankfully quiet on that end. I hadn’t heard from Garrett and Maysie had been wisely tightlipped, recognizing it was a topic best left alone.
And while Jordan seemed at times on the verge of saying something, he had yet to give me a reason to unleash a verbal lashing. The less people poking their well meaning noses into my personal life the better.
As for the other loose ends in my life, they were still dangling. Damien was wary and despite his black and blue ass, was still tentatively nice.
And then there was Gracie. We were so immersed in each other’s lives that there was no avoiding one another. I wasn’t one to run from conflict, but even I had a hard time handling the iceberg that had taken up residence between us.
Gracie wasn’t the type of person to be outright nasty. She was still civil and polite. We still talked about classes and rode together to our internship, but the subject of a certain guitar playing cutie was left completely alone.
Part of me wanted to address it and get it out there in the open. I hated subtext and that’s what Gracie and I had become. A huge, heaping pile of insinuation. Every conversation held the hint of something else below the surface. There were a million unspoken things between us.
But every time I thought to bring it up, Gracie intuitively shut it down.
So we continued to exist in this world where we didn’t talk about the one thing that was interfering with our friendship. My recent trip into slut town chauffeured by Garrett Bellows.
Aside from that, I had school. I had my internship. I had my straight As. And most importantly I had my total and complete control over where my life was headed. I had recently sent off my grad school applications and started to make plans for what I was going to do after graduation.
Everything was just as it was supposed to be. And in my head I could hear my dad’s sage words, live a life that matters. Well I would do that, at whatever the cost.
“The guys are supposed to head out after the holidays. They’ll be gone for almost six months,” Maysie was saying, snapping me out of my internal monologue.
“Wow, six months. That’s a long time. I thought it was only for three?” I asked her.
“Yeah, well some of the bigger clubs out west got a hold of their demo and wanted to book them for some shows. They’re even opening for Flytrap in May! How amazing is that?” Maysie said excitedly, mentioning a rock band with a hard core following on the college scene.
“That’s pretty cool,” I admitted but then I looked at my friend pointedly. “What are you going to do?” I asked. Hell, what was I going to do? Garrett would be gone for six months.
But then again, six months away from the constant tug and pull of my emotions where he was concerned sounded kind of great actually. At least that’s what I told myself.
But Maysie and Jordan were a unit. I couldn’t imagine Jordan being okay with leaving her behind. Even if he was doing something he loved. Because his love for Maysie trumped everything else.
Maysie’s eyes were downcast and she chewed on her bottom lip. “Well, that’s the thing I wanted to talk to you about,” she said nervously. I watched her warily as she started to twist the rings on her fingers. She was about to tell me something she knew I wouldn’t like. Or at the very least something I would give her a stern lecture about.
“I’ve decided to graduate early. I’m going to get my diploma at the end of the semester,” she said quickly. I blinked in shock, not sure I heard her correctly.
“What?” I asked incredulously.
“I already have enough credits so I figured why not. And then…well…I’m going on the road with the guys,” she announced and I sat down heavily on my bed.
Maysie was leaving. At the end of the semester. To go on tour with Jordan and the band.
Well crap.
“Are you serious?” I asked, trying not to sound as judgmental as I was feeling.
“I want to be with him, Ri. More than anything. And this is his chance to make music and change his life,” she argued.
“What about your life? Your plans?” I asked, not understanding how she could give up everything to follow her boyfriend around the country. I didn’t want to tell her how disappointed I was in her decision. Though I should have expected this. She and Jordan were a force unto themselves. They had always been and an all-encompassing whirlwind that teetered on the edge of disaster. And for me, the always sensible, reliable one, this had disaster written all over it.
Maysie sat down beside me and nudged me with her shoulder. “He is my plan, Riley. Jordan is my life. My future and his future are wrapped up in doing this together. I’m not you. I don’t have these fantastic goals that I’m determined to meet. I don’t have things written down and planned out. All I know is that this is what I want to do. And I’ve spent way too long worried about what other people think I should be doing. This time, I’m doing what I want to do,” she said defensively.