“Small sips,” she said as she held the cup to my mouth.
I did as instructed and winced as it burned my raw throat.
“Your throat will be raw for a day or so. You’ve had a feeding tube in for days. We just removed it after you woke up the first time,” the nurse explained.
“Now, about being awake. You think you’re still asleep because your sister gave you blood when you needed it?” the doctor asked.
I nodded.
“I assure you that you’re awake. Sometimes people change when faced with situations that are life-threatening. You and your sister may not get along, but she didn’t want you to die. She was willing to help.”
I managed to stop crying and let him check me out.
When he opened the door and told me he would see about getting me moved to a normal room, my father came barreling in, looking like Kiro the Rock Star Manning.
“My baby girl doesn’t do normal. I want the best. The motherf**king best. You got that? She needs room to rest and get better,” Kiro barked at the doctor.
The doctor raised his eyebrows at me and then nodded his head before stepping out of the room. Normally, I would be embarrassed, but I was just so happy to see him. That I was alive to see him.
“Hey, Daddy,” I said, and he was at my side immediately.
“I knocked out Mase to get here first. I couldn’t wait. His momma may clock me when I get back out there, but I’m not scared of Maryann. I had to see you. Scared the shit outta me, girl. I f**king don’t have that many years left, and you just shaved off at least ten of them. I think I died a thousand deaths from the moment I got that call about you. Damn near killed Grant Carter,” he said as he gently rubbed my head.
My wild, insane, passionate daddy. “I love you,” I told him.
His face crumpled, and he bent down to kiss my cheek. “I love you, too, baby girl.”
“I have a baby girl now,” I told him. “Have you seen her?”
A pained look crossed his face, and he shook his head. “I haven’t. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t, Harlow. I thought I’d lost you.”
I was his baby. Not Lila Kate. I understood that. “Grant said she’s perfect,” I told him.
“She’s yours, baby. I don’t see how she could be anything less than perfect.”
I squeezed his hand and ran my finger over my initials tattooed on his knuckles, along with my mother’s. He had gotten them done the day after I was born. He loved to tell me the story about how he had been so happy about his girls that he had to brand us on his body. “They said that Nan gave me blood,” I said, watching his face.
He frowned, and I could tell this confused him, too. “Yeah, she did. Can’t figure it out. None of us could, but then, Rush was guarding her like a damn watchdog, so I ain’t talked to her. But she did you a solid. Might be something that isn’t completely twisted and evil underneath all that after all.”
I smiled. I really hoped there was.
Grant
I opened the door to Lila Kate’s room and found Blaire sitting in the rocker, humming a song. Her eyes found me, and she nodded toward the incubator.
“They made me put her back about thirty minutes ago. They had to change her and check her and feed her. I’ve been sitting here with her, humming to help her fall asleep.”
“Harlow’s awake. She’s talking,” I said, still loving how good that sounded. Blaire shot up out of the rocking chair and threw herself into my arms. The happy cry she let out made me laugh.
“She’s awake! Oh, thank God! She’s awake! She’s gonna be OK, Grant!” She wiped at her tears. “All those letters . . . I didn’t read them, but I knew what they were, and I sat in Lila Kate’s room and cried like a baby. It broke my heart that she had even thought she needed to do that. But she’s OK. She won’t have to share herself with her baby girl through letters.”
“Kiro’s with her now. He actually shoved Mase down and ran past him to get to her first when I went to tell them. I was going to see what I could do about getting Lila Kate to Harlow. She wants to see our baby girl.”
Blaire was still sniffing and wiping at her face. “She needs to see her. Go talk to them. I can stay in here with her if you want me to.”
“No. Nate’s in the waiting room with Rush. Go see your son. You’ve been here with me since this happened. You and Rush go home and get some rest.”
Blaire smiled and nodded. “OK. But I’m only taking a bath and a quick nap, then I’ll be back to see Harlow. I’m ready to plan this wedding.”
“Thanks, Blaire. Thanks for being her friend. She’s never had anyone like you. Thanks for loving her.”
Blaire put her hands on her hips. “Stop making me cry, Grant Carter,” she said.
“Sorry. But I mean it.”
Blaire sighed and sniffed again. “I know you do. That’s why I’m on the verge of tears again.”
“Go find your family, and y’all go on home and rest. I’ll call when she’s ready for visitors.”
Blaire nodded and hugged me again before leaving the room.
I walked over to the incubator and stared down at our Lila Kate. I never knew I wanted a baby. Not something I had ever thought about before Harlow. But now that I had her, I couldn’t imagine life without her.
“She’s awake. Your mommy is awake, and she’s waiting for you. She woke up for us, and we have a lifetime of memories to start making.”
An hour later, we had Lila Kate in a rolling bed, and we were heading down to Harlow’s room. Since Lila Kate’s lungs were fully developed and she had shown no signs of any problems, they felt it was safe to let her spend some time with her mother. Today was the first day she had really started eating properly. Harlow was going to get to feed her. They were bringing the bottle down with her.
I opened the door and checked to make sure Harlow was awake and that Kiro and Mase had left. Harlow was sitting up and sipping water. She was alone except for a nurse. I couldn’t wait to see her smile when I rolled in our daughter.
“I have someone really important waiting to meet you. She’s been as patient as can be expected, but she’s ready now,” I said. I held the door as the nurse rolled Lila Kate into the room.
Harlow’s eyes went wide with wonder as she gazed at our baby girl. Lila Kate had slept through the ride down here, so she was still unaware of this moment and how important it was.
“Can I hold her? Will it hurt her? I want to hold her, but I don’t want to hurt her,” Harlow said, her voice still weak.
The nurse adjusted pillows on each side of Harlow. “The best thing for her right now is to be in her mother’s arms. She will have missed your voice and your heartbeat. She’s been waiting for this, I can assure you.”
Harlow’s eyes were on our daughter, and mine were on her. The nurse picked up Lila Kate and placed her securely in Harlow’s arms. I stood as close to them as I could while taking in the sight I had been afraid I would never see.
“She’s beautiful,” Harlow breathed, with a worshipful look on her face.
“Told you,” I reminded her.
“She’s so small. Is it OK that she’s so small?” she asked, looking from me to the nurse.
“She was born two months early. She’s four pounds, which is a really good weight for a thirty-two-week preemie. Her lungs are great, and so is her heart. She’s even taking the bottle with no problem.”
Harlow touched her little hands and ran her finger over her delicate nose as she studied her. “I get to watch her grow up,” Harlow whispered. “I get to be her mother.”
“The world’s best mother,” I said, watching my girls together for the first time.
Harlow spent the next few minutes checking out Lila Kate’s toes and fingers and even her tummy. She checked everything. While I was helping her put socks on Lila Kate’s little feet, the baby’s little eyes fluttered open, and she puckered up.
“Hey, my precious baby, it’s Mommy. I’m here,” Harlow said. The puckered frown disappeared instantly, and Lila Kate gazed up at Harlow.
I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and snapped a photo of that moment. They were lost in each other’s eyes, and I wasn’t sure who was more in love with whom. It was one of those moments that there are no words to adequately capture. Nothing was good enough.
Lila Kate stuck her tiny thumb into her mouth and continued looking at her mother.
Harlow glanced up at me and beamed. “She’s sucking her thumb.” The awe in her voice was something I completely understood.
“She’s been doing it since the first day. She also likes to add a finger in there every once in a while.”
Harlow laughed, and Lila Kate stopped sucking. Her little eyes went wide with wonder, as if she was just realizing who was holding her.
“You’re our beginning,” Harlow told her. “It’s time we lived without fear. You’re the most wonderful chance I ever took.”
I bent over and kissed Harlow’s forehead. “Thank you for her,” I said. Then I lowered my head and kissed the other love of my life on the head.
Harlow
The day after I woke up, I was moved to a large suite. That was the best way to describe it. This room wasn’t covered by health insurance and was hardly ever used, but it was on Kiro’s bill, and it was the best they had to offer. I was thankful for it. The extra bed for Grant and the large sofa and extra seating for guests were nice. It didn’t feel so cramped. If I was going to be stuck in a hospital, then this was a nice way to experience it.
Grant walked into the room carrying my overnight bag which Blaire had been holding on to for me. “They said they would give you a shower today, and I wanted you to have your bodywash and nightgown,” he said.
“Thank you.”
He set the bag down beside the bed and kissed me on the mouth sweetly before stepping back. “Maryann wants to see you. She’s been wanting to visit with you before she heads back to Texas.”
Mase had said his mother had come in with him to see me when I wasn’t awake. She’d left to rest just before I had called out for Grant, and then everything had happened after that. I wanted to see her and thank her for being the first person to stand by me when I chose to keep my baby. “Good. I want to see her,” I said.
Grant pointed to the large bouquet of pink roses and the wrapped gift beside it. “That’s from her. She brought it last night, and I had them send it up here.”
I turned to study the roses more closely while I waited for Maryann to arrive. When the door opened back up, I smiled at her, and she burst into tears. Her big, wide, happy smile was the only thing that eased my mind. She was crying joyful tears. That I could handle.
“I had wanted you to have your baby, but when you didn’t wake up . . .” She put her hand on her chest and let out a small gasp. “I blamed myself. I was so sure you were strong enough, and then, oh, I was . . . just don’t do that again, OK?” she said as she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly.
“Thank you for believing in me. She’s the most wonderful, perfect, beautiful little girl in the world.”
Maryann sighed and wiped at her face. “I knew she would be, but having your life hanging in the balance was something I hadn’t been prepared for.”
“I never would have forgiven myself if I hadn’t kept her. I had to do it this way. It was the only choice. And now I get to be a mother. I get to be a Maryann and bake cookies with her and play ball in the yard with her. I get to do all those things you did with Mase. I had been so envious of him growing up, because he had you. Now I can be like you,” I said honestly. Maryann was the person I most wanted to be.
“Gah, girl, you are making me a mess. I love you, sweetheart. You’ve always been special. You were the one thing that saved your father’s soul. You and your mother. It takes a special person to reach that man, and you did it. You don’t need to be like me—you will do a wonderful job being you.”
I nodded, but I knew I would always want to give Lila Kate the things that Mase had as a child and that I had dreamed of.
“I’m heading back to Texas today. I’m taking Major with me before he does something stupid. I’m sure you’ll see Mase for a few more days until he feels secure enough to leave you. He’s an overprotective big brother of the best sort.”
I couldn’t agree more. “And I love him for it.”
“I know you do,” she said.
She started to leave, and I remembered the gift. “Thank you so much for the roses and the gift,” I called out after her. She glanced back and grinned.
“You’re welcome. The roses are for you. The gift is for Lila Kate.”
I nodded, and Maryann left. Knowing she had dropped everything and lived in the waiting room while I fought to come back made my heart swell. She was truly the best woman I knew.