I nod while grabbing my notepad and urge her to keep going.
“The zoo? Waterpark? Oooh, you should visit some dunes and cliffs. What about an aquarium?” She keeps going as my imagination runs rampant.
“Yeah, these are all really great. Do you have any date spots?” I ask while scribbling everything down.
“The bedroom?” she suggests with humor lacing her tone. “Lenny, look. You’re barking up the wrong tree with this sugary sweetness. I’ve done my best to point you in the right direction but don’t drag me into this romance nonsense. This girl,” Lucy points to herself, “is single, twenty-two, and headed to Paris. I’m not interested in cuteness. You’ve got it handled, I have total faith. Look at that killer list.” She juts her chin at my paper.
I smirk as she gives me fish-lips. “Thanks, Luc. I’ll hopefully make you proud. Anything you need help with last minute?” I offer while she puts the final items in her duffle bag.
“How about a glass of wine? All this cheese has made me thirsty,” she tosses out while walking toward the fridge.
We sit at the table and talk about nothing until her ride arrives. I hug Lucy tight while trying not to cry and she promises to call after landing. With weepy eyes, I watch her strut out of our apartment as she heads off to one of the most famous French design houses.
I hope they’re prepared.
I console myself by glancing down at my notepad. Nineteen awesome ideas mark the page and I’m eager to share all of them with Ryker in the months ahead. Excitement prickles down my spine while I picture the discovery of all these firsts. As my mind twirls to more . . . intimate activities, the prickling bursts into scorching heat that streaks to my lower belly.
As if hearing my thoughts, a knock echoes into the room. I grab the list and bound over with a spring in my step. I fling open the door, revealing a delicious Ryker leaning against the wall.
“I’m getting ready,” blurts out before I yank him inside.
Oh wow, is my voice breathy?
A soft rumble vibrates up his chest. “For what?”
“Everything.”
Ryker
Real monsters prefer the black of night, hell-bent on ruin and destruction. All I want is sunshine and light, so what does that make me?
WHEN LENNON BITES her lip and whispers everything, it sounds like a sinful invitation. I mentally switch gears and focus on those implications. My intentions had been respectable when I knocked on the door but her turquoise orbs are full of naughty suggestion. She’s decimating my plans with one word. The filthy thoughts fueling my lust-addled mind makes everything below my belt tighten noticeably. I shift from one foot to the other, trying not to draw attention to my sudden discomfort.
“What does, um, everything mean?” I somehow find just enough braincells to choke out the question.
Lennon hums, “Wanna see?”
Is she serious?
Holy shit, do I ever.
My teeth grind together as a strangled moan trips off my tongue. What’s gotten into her? I thought we were going to talk about the barrier that’s been holding me back from opening up. The bullshit from my past caused an epic freak out after our first date and I don’t want that happening again. But if Lennon wants to hold off for another few hours and explore other options, I’m definitely not going to deny her.
All I do is nod like an idiot and wait for . . . what I’m not sure. Lennon can take charge of this portion of the evening. When she shoves a piece of paper at me with a wide smile, my burning arousal immediately loses steam. She’s clearly been working on our list and the entire page is full of her flowing script. I want to smack my head for leading the charge into horny asshole territory when that’s obviously not what’s on Lennon’s mind.
My eyes sweep slowly down her ideas and I’m not surprised to discover these are all new activities for me. I’m about to compliment her efforts when she tugs me over to the couch.
“I’ve missed you, Ryker. Thanks for coming over,” she says while plopping down on the fluffy cushions.
I sit next to her before placing a soft kiss on her silky cheek.
“I missed you too,” I echo. “But I’m always around. I saw you yesterday at graduation. Congratulations again.” I’ll never forget the sight of her brilliance lighting that stage as she accepted her diploma. Everything within me was cheering for her even if my mouth remained sealed shut.
“I knew you were there but it’s not the same when we can’t talk. I want you to be part of the celebration,” Lennon pouts and my stomach fills with bricks at the thought of her unhappiness.
Our fingers lace together.
“I’m sorry, Sunshine. It’s not the same when other people are around but I’m trying to get better. Yesterday I would have embarrassed you by being awkward and uncomfortable. It was better for everyone that I kept my distance, especially with your parents around.”
“They’re the ones who need to be better.” Lennon scowls. “I shouldn’t be terrified to have my boyfriend around for something so important.”
My gut twitches at her title for me. She looks directly into my soul as she continues, “I’d never be embarrassed of you, Ryker. I hope you know that. If I had my way, you’d be around everywhere I go.” Her accepting words sounds like music to my warped spirit, wiping away years of torment.
“I want that too. Very much. But it’s not that easy,” I admit with a sigh. “I’ve been this way my entire life.”
“You’ve never met anyone else that put you at ease?” she asks quietly.
My head shakes slowly as bitterness loops around my rib cage. “I don’t talk to people, Lennon.” My head shakes slowly. “It’s been far easier to remain silent, aside from the chicken scratch notes needed to get my point across or ordering coffee and a bagel or unintelligible grunts while confronting some asshole. That hasn’t changed since I was young. I don’t like them looking at me, judging me, thinking they know something about me, ready to fling useless advice my way on how to be like everyone else. It’s exhausting being constantly scolded and picked apart so I locked everyone out.”
Lennon’s warm palm slides along my cool wrist when she moves closer.
“It’s not easy for me either and never has been. Mostly because my parents taught me to fear everything with a pulse, especially boys. If it weren’t for Lucy, who they barely approve of, I’d be socially isolated. I didn’t know what a real friend was until college.” She offers a sheepish shrug. “It hasn’t been an easy road but it’s getting better each day. I’m glad you can talk to me.”
“You’re very different for me,” I explain easily. “I’ve never felt the desire to be around others, probably because my own parents shunned me. Made me believe human contact was totally overrated considering I survived the first eighteen years of my life virtually alone. But then you walked into homeroom.” My lips quirk up at the corners, recalling that monumental moment. “You changed my life that day, without even realizing it. Have you ever felt something like that? Suddenly it all makes sense? The suffering and torment is worth it?”
Lennon’s eyes get hazy, as if she’s lost to her memories.
“Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.” Her voice sounds far away even though she’s right here with me. “When I walked into that classroom and sat in front of you, nothing else mattered. I clearly did a crappy job showing you but those hours spent near you, silent or not, meant so much to me. I was devastated after school ended, figured I’d never see you again.” Her gaze clears as she searches my features. “Luckily that wasn’t the case, right? The universe tilted and brought us together, two awkward oddballs.”
I can’t control the disdain from locking up my muscles as she uses those words, a deeply ingrained habit. My mind has been strictly instructed to reject the concept of being different, even though I’m well aware of how unusual I actually am. Lennon shouldn’t have to deal with someone flawed and strange but this is me—ab-fucking-normal.
She twists toward me and rests her free hand on my thigh. Our linked fingers find a spot on her knee, which bumps up to my hip. We’re touching enough to quiet the riot boiling in my blood but Lennon has picked up on my mood.
“Can we talk about the issue with being different?” she whispers quietly but her question slams into me like a wrecking ball.
My torso ripples with increasing strain. “Who really wants to stand out, Lennon?” The comeback is a harsh crack in the quiet room and I mutter a soft apology immediately after. “It’s painful to dredge up the garbage in my past, but I’ll do it for you. Maybe leaning on each other won’t be so bad?” I whine like a baby, that’s what this shit does to me as I’m dragged into the rotten memories of my childhood that should never be relived.
“I didn’t mean to force you into this, Ryker. If it’s that awful, we don’t have to talk about the past. I just thought,” she shrugs before her eyes boomerang around the room, “it might be helpful to share the hurt with someone.”
A wheeze climbs my cinched windpipe.
“No one else would ever get this out of me, but you’re the only person who matters. If this sheds some light on why I’m fucked up, it will be worth it.”