“What about it?” she asked, gripping his wrist.
“It sped up.”
“Oh.” Em brushed her fingers over her cheek. “My lioness came back.”
See? Not fragile, his inner lion rumbled.
Huh.
“My mom passed away a few years ago,” she said suddenly. “And it’s just been me and my dad ever since. I don’t feel sorry for myself and I don’t want pity that she’s gone. I talked about it with Dad so much. I feel lucky I got that much time and the relationship I had with her. She was really good to me. My best friend. And I just hope to be half the woman she is someday.”
“I remember your mom,” Ronin said thoughtfully. “I’ve been remembering a lot since I moved back here. She was a badass like your dad. One of those intimidating Tarian lionesses you didn’t fuck with. And I remember how the council treated her and your dad when they found out you were born a submissive. They stripped your family of their rank in the Pride, dropped them to the very bottom. Good on your parents for leaving. They deserved a better life.”
“We left the night after Leon had your blood on his hands. We left with almost nothing and rebuilt our lives completely. It was scary but worth it.”
“Did you have boyfriends?” he asked carefully. “Not that I care…just…making conversation.”
She was slightly ahead of him now and tossed him a mischievous grin over her shoulder like she’d heard the lie in his voice. He was glad he had a beard. Beards hid blushes.
“I had a few. All humans.”
“Whoa, scandalous,” he teased.
“I wish. I am a boring good girl and zero percent scandalous. I think my life would be different if I had rebelled. Human boys didn’t care about me being submissive. Shifters…well, they have more of a problem with it.”
“What do you mean?”
I tried to date a bear shifter when I was a few years out of high school. At first, when we were getting to know each other, it was easy and fun, but he would get domineering. I don’t even think that was his natural habit. I think that was just his bear’s reaction to my lioness. She’s…”
“She’s what?”
Em inhaled deeply and heaved a sigh. “She makes me invisible.”
Why did his chest hurt at her admission? “You’re wrong, Em. You couldn’t be invisible if you tried.”
“That used to be my biggest fear,” she said, picking her way through a narrow passage of brush.
“What?”
“Being invisible.”
“Mmm.” Every instinct in him wanted to trail his fingers down to the small of her back as she moved with him, just to touch her. But he didn’t. She deserved better than any future he could offer her. “And what’s your biggest fear now?”
She turned to him and gave him a sad smile. “Not being invisible enough.”
Fuck, she was talking about Cassius. About his attention on her, about him hunting her.
She perked up and forced a smile. “I’ve just figured out where you’re taking me.”
“You recognize it?”
She looked around the woods. “At first, I didn’t. This trail is really old. Probably no one has been out here in years.” Her dark eyebrows lowered over those striking green eyes. “Have you been out here since you moved back?”
Ronin shook his head. “I didn’t even think about this place until I realized who you were. Now it seems fitting. We’ll see it for the first time together.”
Lifting her chin, Em twirled her wrist regally and then offered her hand, palm up. “Shall we, then?”
He shouldn’t touch her. If he did, he would want more. That’s what had happened when he’d hugged her earlier, but Emerald was an addiction he didn’t understand. She quieted the anger inside of him, and it felt good to think of something other than war. It felt good to think of love instead. Love? God, he needed to get ahold of himself. And he would. After one more touch. After he touched her, then he would probably get ahold of himself again.
Ronin slid his hand against hers, squeezed it, and dropped them to their sides, and then he led her through the last of the trees into the clearing. And as they came to a stop in the untouched snow, he didn’t let her hand go. He didn’t want to. It was warm and soft and little against his large one, and he wanted to take care of something fragile right now.
She isn’t fragile.
Her chest was heaving as she scanned the old dilapidated playground. The swing set was still standing, and the merry-go-round was still functioning. It spun slowly in the wind with the softest sound of metal on metal. The slide had long ago toppled to its side, and the wood of the playset had rotted to splinters. The old benches where the moms used to chat while their cubs played weren’t there anymore, and the old splashpad they played on in the summers was buried under piles of snow.
“You know, I have all these bad memories of living here,” Em said softly. “They overshadowed the good ones. Do you remember how many cubs the Pride used to have?”
“A lot. We had some fun days out here,” Ronin murmured low as a myriad of memories of play-dates drifted across his mind. Emerald was there for several of them.
“The Pride was awful to outsiders and submissives, but it had good parts, too,” she said forgivingly.
“I have an admission, one I’ve never told anyone.” He could see her look up at him out of his peripheral, but he couldn’t look in her eyes when he said this. He would chicken out. “Those few good parts of the Pride? I want those to outnumber the bad someday. And I want to be the one to make it happen.”
“Even if it means killing off the Old Tarian Pride completely?”
Ronin nodded. “Even so. I would carry all of that blood on my soul if I could fix us.”
“When I saw you beating that lion last night, I thought you were a killer.”
“I am.”
“No. You are just a man who sticks up for what is right, no matter the cost, no matter the consequences, no matter what. Killers take life for fun.”
Ronin let her see the devil in his smile as he promised, “Cassius will be fun.”
Em’s eyes went shocked and round. “What?”
Ronin strode toward the merry-go-round, bag of food swinging in his hand. “Stop thinking nice things about me, Em. Your faith in me won’t change what I am.”
Chapter Eight
“My butt is frozen,” Emerald said with a laugh. The cold metal of the merry-go-round was no joke. Her cheeks were numb.
Ronin laughed and shrugged out of his jacket from where he sat across from her.
“Wait, what are you doing?”
“I should’ve brought a blanket. I thought the benches would still be here.”
“You’ll freeze without your coat.”
Ronin made a soft click behind his teeth and told her to, “Lift up.”
Shocked at his sweet manners, she lifted off the gently spinning merry-go-round and let him tuck his jacket under her. “That…” She cleared her throat. “But you’re a Tarian lion.”
Ronin snorted. “I don’t think you mean that as a compliment. You could just say ‘thank you.’”
She belted out a laugh and nodded, her cheeks heating with embarrassment. “Thank you.”
Finished tucking his coat under her, he locked his arms on either side of her hips and grinned. “I only brought enough food for me, so there you go. There’s the rude-ass Tarian in me.”
Scoffing, she dropped her mouth open. “I knew it.”
Ronin snorted and started to ease away, but Emerald cupped his cheeks fast. His beard was so soft she couldn’t help wanting to touch it. To touch him. He froze, and the laughter left his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
Ronin searched her face as he murmured, “Lie.”
“Yeah, that was a lie. I like to pet you.” Emerald grinned big, and the chuckle that Ronin gave warmed her soul.
He pushed forward and rubbed his cheek against hers, and God, it felt so good to be greeted like that. It was a lion’s way of showing affection, and he was doing it as a man. Easing back, he rubbed his face against the other side, the side Cassius had hit, and she uttered a helpless sound.
“Did I hurt you?” he rumbled.
“No, it feels so good.” Could he hear her pounding heartbeat? “I wish we lived in a different world.”
Ronin sat back on his bent knees, resting his strong hands on her thighs. “What do you mean?”
“Today is my pairing day.” She couldn’t meet his gaze even if she tried. “And it’s all wrong.”
Ronin lifted her chin. “You’re breaking the rules. No thinking about what will happen. You’re safe.”
For now. It would probably be better if she’d never felt this at all—this connection with Ronin. It was addictive.
“Then can I tell you whatever I want? For the next…” She checked her phone screen. It was full of messages from Derek cussing her out. She did her best to ignore that part and look at the time. “Two hours and fifteen minutes?”
Ronin sighed and rested the top of his head against her neck, forcing her to look up at the gray storm clouds above. Affectionate man. He was even better than she remembered. His touch made her steady.