I sat behind my desk basically hiding out from the reality that awaited me when I went out into the club, sending Shay messages and hoping by some divine intervention that I wouldn’t have to face the Lola issue.
My phone buzzed to alert me to a text, and I looked down to see Shay’s message. Feeling any better?
She had no idea of the implications of that question. I may have been recovering from too much whiskey, but that was the least of my problems.
Yeah. Thanks for taking care of me last night.
Always. XOXO I’ll see you in a few.
I typed I love you and stared down at my phone, unsure if I should send the message. I’d said it to her the night before and meant it, but she never said anything in return. Not that I needed her to, but I wondered if I should wait until we were alone and I was sober to tell her for real. Backspacing through the words, I typed I’ll be here.
The truth of my life. I’ll be here.
My gut twisted into knots as I wracked my brain for a way out. There was no way out.
By nearly eight o’clock, I couldn’t avoid my life anymore. I had to face whatever waited for me outside my office door. All I knew was this: I couldn’t fuck up the great thing I had with Shay.
I headed out into the club and played the role I’d always played. I flirted with Jana, smiled at Kerry, and even did the playful thing with Mika, who thankfully needed a job more than she wanted to sue me. All the while, I felt two sets of eyes on me.
Shay’s, as she watched over me, her gaze full of concern, and Lola’s, as she waited to make eye contact with me to let me know she knew what her father had said to me the day before and she expected something.
I was so easy to predict. She and her father expected me to act the way I always had. That acting that way meant treating her like dirt didn’t seem to bother them, but now it bothered me. I wasn’t that man anymore, but when my eyes met Lola’s across the bar, it was obvious that whatever change I thought I’d accomplished meant nothing to her.
She made a beeline for me, plastering herself to my side as I stood alone near my office door, and in the voice I’d once thought as cute, said, “Stefan, can we talk?”
“I’ve got a lot going on tonight, Lo, but how about later?” I looked down and saw her innocent blue eyes all wide and staring up at me. She played the game perfectly for the old Stefan, but this Stefan could barely stand the sight of her and that feigned innocence she projected.
“After the club closes…” she paused for a long moment before she finished her sentence. “…in your office?”
I gave a slight nod of my head and looked away toward the bar where Shay stood setting up for the night. Somehow not saying the word meant something to me, but Lola pressed me to say it.
“Is that a yes?”
My mouth turned dry, and I swallowed hard, the lump in my throat painful. “Yeah. After the club closes.”
“You’re the best, Stefan,” she chirped before she headed back to stand next to the woman I loved and who had no idea what Lola was capable of.
Yeah. I’m the best.
The night flew by, and each time Shay spoke to me, I became angrier, not at her but at myself. Every moment that ticked by marked another I hadn’t been able to find a way to keep her and Cash unharmed by my mistakes. My mind began to spin wildly concocting every manner of excuse why I couldn’t be in my office after the club closed, but there was no reason I shouldn’t be there. I was trapped.
“Hey, what’s up?” she said quietly on her way to the ladies’ room just before midnight as I stood staring out at the crowd of people having the time of their lives. “You look so sad. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I bit out, sure if I said much more I’d hurt her.
Shay looked up at me with concern in her beautiful green eyes. “I know we said we didn’t want anyone here to know about us, but if there’s something going on, I’m here for you.”
“I’m fine, Shay.”
“Okay. What do you say we hit that Mexican restaurant again after work? I could use another meal that makes my eyes tear.”
Shaking my head, I forced a smile. “Not tonight. I have work to do and then I’m going to head back to my place.”
“Oh, okay. Is everything all right?”
A crowd of people walked by us and I smiled and patted the men on the back like I was supposed to, but once they passed us, I turned toward her and said, “I’m fucking fine. Okay? We can talk tomorrow.”
The hurt instantly registered in her expression, but she fought showing me how big a dick I’d been. “Fine. I have to get back.”
She marched away back toward the front bar as I stood there hating every word I’d said to her. What the fuck was I doing?
The rest of the night went by in a blur. Even a few shots of tequila didn’t take the edge off, and when Shay left right before three in the morning, we barely spoke more than to say our goodbyes for the night, like I did with everyone else on my staff. Somehow I believed that if I didn’t treat her any differently than anyone else, even now when I needed her the most, then what I was about to do wouldn’t hurt her.
I stood in front of my office door and saw Kane emerge from the top floors like some kind of awful reminder of what I had to do. He walked toward me looking unusually pleased with something and stopped next to me.
“What’s up, Stefan? Where’s Shay tonight?”
“She’s not here. What do you want, Kane?”
The smile slid from his face. “Nothing. I just wanted to say hi. We had a good night upstairs—no fights, no members I had to school on how to behave—so I thought I’d come down here to see how you two are. I figured she’d still be here.”
I shook my head and stared off in the distance at Lola as she pretended to work while she waited for the last few bartenders and servers to leave for the night. Kane said something, but it sounded all jumbled and I turned to look at him, confused. “What?”
“Nothing. I just commented on how busy we were tonight.”
“Has Cash had any more success with that councilman so we can tell Shank to fuck off?” I asked, desperate to hear anything come from Kane’s mouth that even hinted at the idea that I didn’t have to do what I was about to do.
“No, nothing yet.”
I watched Gabe and Kerry walk past on their way out. Lola saw them too and stopped her pretend work to look over at me and wink. Turning to Kane, I nodded. “Okay. See you tomorrow.”