It was all I could to push a weak smile on my face as I bid her goodbye and walked quickly toward the road. Unfortunately, I had no idea where the attendants had parked my car, and they were nowhere to be found. On the verge of tears and searching for anyone who might be able to help me without having to go back to the house, I heard footsteps coming behind me and turned to see Stefan walking toward me.
“Please don’t go. I was hoping we could talk.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. Just leave me alone so I can find my car and drive away from here.”
Stefan slid his hand over my shoulder, and just the merest touch made a yearning spike inside me. “Please stay. I know you miss me as much as I miss you.”
Refusing to face him, I hung my head. “No, I don’t.”
He came around in front of me and cradled my face in his hands, looking down at me with pure pain in his eyes. “Yes, you do. I see it in your eyes. It’s the same look I see every time I look in the mirror.”
I couldn’t do this with him. Closing my eyes, I willed the tears away, but they came anyway, a single one sliding down my cheek followed by the rest that wouldn’t stay hidden. “Please let me go,” I sobbed. “Why do you want to see me cry? So you can know I still care? Fine. I care. Now let me go.”
Stefan gently slid the pads of his thumbs over my cheeks. “I can’t function without you, Shay. I try, but all I can think of is you and how much I hurt you. These last two weeks have been hell. I know I fucked up huge. I know. But I’ll do anything if you’d just come back to me. You’re everything to me.”
“I can’t get the image of you with her out of my mind. It hurts so much, Stefan. Every time I think of you, I think of that night and every inch of my body aches.”
Pressing his forehead to mine, he whispered in a voice full of his own pain, “I’m sorry, Shay. I never meant to hurt you. I just couldn’t let Cash suffer for me anymore, but I never wanted you to get hurt.”
I stepped back, afraid of what my heart was already feeling. “How could you think I wouldn’t get hurt when you did that?”
“I wasn’t thinking straight. I just didn’t want to fuck up Cash’s happiness anymore. Shay, I’ll do whatever it takes to get you back. I can’t go on like this. Every day without you is killing me.”
I closed my eyes and lowered my head. “Olivia told me what happened with Lola’s father. Why didn’t you say anything to me? We were supposed to tell each other the truth.”
“I couldn’t tell you. I think I knew I’d eventually have to risk everything, but I kept thinking I could push it off to the future. When he came to see me, I knew the time had come. That’s why I finally told you I loved you that night.”
“I wish you would have told me what you were going through. I might not have understood, but you wouldn’t have been alone.”
“I couldn’t. I couldn’t let you see me as that kind of man. I can’t deny I was that man for a long time, but you made me want to be someone better.”
I stared up at him as my heart broke for both of us. It was stupid and foolish and I couldn’t explain it, but I loved him even now after all the times I’d sworn to hate him forever.
“Please don’t go. I’ll do anything, Shay. Just don’t go.”
“I was always going to go, Stefan. What does it matter if it’s now or at the end of the year? We always had an expiration date, whether we wanted to admit it or not.”
Stefan shook his head. “No. Doesn’t it matter that we love each other? That’s got to mean something, Shay.”
“We were never going to ride off into the sunset like Cassian and Olivia. We’re not that kind of people.”
“Why not? Why can’t people change? I did because of you.”
Stefan pressed his lips against mine in a kiss that made me wish we could rewind time to before all the horrible things happened. I’d been lying to myself thinking that I could be fine if I never saw him again. I couldn’t be. But I couldn’t change the reality of who I was either.
Taking his hands in mine, I brought them to my lips and kissed them. “Before there was a you and me, there was just me, and I’ve dedicated years to my future. I have to be who I am, and who I am is someone who’s leaving in a few weeks and will be gone for a whole year while you’re back here with the Lolas, Mikas, and Kats of the world. How could I ever believe you’d wait for me?”
“Because I would. I could install cameras throughout the bar and in my office so you could see wherever I am and whoever I’m talking to at all times. I’d even put cameras in my condo so you could see it’s just me moping around all lonely wishing you were there next to me.”
“Cameras? What kind of relationship is that, Stefan? This is what happens when two people don’t have honesty between them. I don’t want to watch you like a hawk, worried that you’ll want someone else because I’m not there. I can’t do that.”
I backed away from him as the reality that a year apart from each other would bring all those problems. I couldn’t live like that.
“We were never meant to be forever. You and I knew that. I love you, Stefan, but it’s time to say goodbye.”
“No! I can’t let you go. I can’t believe I’d finally fall in love and then lose you before I had a chance to show you I’m not the man you thought I was from that first day. I swear it, Shay.”
I kissed him softly on the cheek. “I know, baby. I know it’s not fair, but I can’t spend an entire year wondering if the man I love is making another mistake. Maybe when I finish my year away if we still feel the same—”
As I tried to keep myself from crying at the thought of us never being together again, he pulled me into his body and held me against him. “You can give me a thousand reasons why we won’t work. All I can give you is one answer. I love you. You’re my everything. I’m lost without you. Make whatever demand you want and I’ll do it. Quit the club. Move to Copenhagen with you. Leave behind the life I have here. I’ll do all of them if you’ll just give me a chance to show you I love you.”
I looked at him, stunned by what he’d just said. “Your entire life is here. You would do those things for me?”
“I would do anything. I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone. Being without you is killing me. Please say we can try again.”