Hmm. I wasn’t sure what to make of that.
I didn’t get the chance to decide, he went on.
“Then I got the bitches who are so desperate to keep their claws in me, the whole relationship is a sham. They hide everything and show me nothin’ but what they think I want to see. Some of ‘em are good, even I can’t see through them. Luci can, but I can’t. Then they f**k up, they always f**k up, no one can keep that shit up without eventually f**kin’ up and I see through them and every f**kin’ second they spent with me is a lie because they haven’t given themselves to me.” His hand tangled in my hair. “Not you. Right off the bat, you’re shy, hesitant, you lay it out about your husband and you’re honest that you know who I am. Then you tell me you internet stalked me, your girl’s got a cutout of me and you got a yappy dog. With you, for the first time in a long f**kin’ time, maybe even all the way back to high school, I’m the cat. You are not gettin’ this so I’ll lay it out, I like the challenge and I like it because, even when you withhold from me, I like what I see but when I break through, I see what I’ll get when I finally get all of you. But even with this dance we got goin’, baby, you are not lying, you are not pretending, you’re just you and I’ve had a number of pains in the asses, I know when I find one who’s gonna be worth it.”
“Uh… Sam,” I started then pointed out, “when the cat catches the mouse it usually kills it and eats it.”
He grinned at me, it was different than the sweet, understanding grins he’d been giving me, lots different, so different I felt my ni**les tingle just looking at it and his hand drifted through my hair as he pointed out in return, “Yeah, and you like it when I catch my mouse and eat it.”
This was definitely true.
My body melted into his and my eyes dropped to his mouth, his hand in my hair brought my face closer then my eyes shot back to his, my body tensed, my hand pressed into his chest and he stopped.
“I ran through a restaurant like the fraught heroine in a romantic comedy,” I reminded him on a whisper. “That’s crazy. That’s drama. That’s –”
“Real,” he cut me off. “Shit was overwhelming you, you had a reaction and you’re allowed, Kia. You didn’t hide that either.” He moved, rolling me and pulling us down in the bed so my head was to the pillows, his arms were still around me, his torso was resting on mine and his face was super close. “What you didn’t do was, when I f**ked up, hurt your feelings, you didn’t call me on it. I keep tellin’ you I’m not him and I’ll keep doin’ it until you work him outta you, baby, but, in a healthy relationship, people fight and in a healthy relationship, a fight does not end with you on the floor takin’ a kick. That shit will never happen with me. In a healthy relationship, you’re allowed to get pissed and in my face. Fuck, I need you to do that so I know what buttons not to push, where I can’t go and avoid those places. And I’ll do the same for you. It’s part of learning how to take care of each other. It’s fighting but it’s a form of communication and it’s also a form of trust. We have words, we come to terms, we learn about each other and we move on stronger.”
This made sense, but…
“Sam, I’m getting that there’s a lot I need to deal with and –”
“I’m here.”
Those two words said so quickly, firmly, they settled in my soul, deep and they felt good there, very good.
But…
“You… I, you…” I hesitated then finished, “You should know that there’s a lot of it and I haven’t dealt with any of it. When Ozzie told me Cooter was dead, he told me it would hit me but he didn’t mean the way it’s turning out it’s hitting me. This, what just happened now, was the first time I cried since Cooter died and not because he’s dead but because I need to mourn the time he took from me. With all the stuff that’s coming up, I don’t think I’m done. I have to talk to my folks, my friends and deal.”
“Who’s Ozzie?” Sam asked.
“The Sheriff. I’ve known him since I was a little girl.”
“Right,” Sam mumbled but said no more.
“Sam?” I called and his arms gave me a squeeze to say he was listening to me. “What I just said, you… maybe you and me… maybe this isn’t the right time and –”
He started chuckling.
And I was so surprised at this reaction, I stopped talking.
Then he said through his chuckles. “Baby, I’m here. Honest to God, even you can’t twist in your head the last two nights we’ve had and the day we shared yesterday and think that it isn’t worth goin’ through some bad shit with you to get to those kinds of good times.”
Oh God. That settled in my soul too and it felt even better.
Sam continued, “We got the rest of Italy and we got Crete. When we’re in Crete, we’ll talk about what we’ll do after Crete.”
“After Crete?”
“Kia, you live in Indiana, I live in North Carolina and this is not a vacation fling.”
“Oh,” I whispered.
This was not a vacation fling. I hadn’t really thought it out beyond the present but it was safe to say the fact that Sam had felt good.
No.
Freaking great.
Sam kept speaking.
“But right now, we got that and what you gotta get is you’re safe to be real with me. Shit comes up, I’m here to help you sort it and, baby, I like where I am a f**kuva lot because you are real, that’s the whole reason I like where I am,” he grinned again, “outside the fact you’re f**kin’ gorgeous, you got great f**kin’ legs, you look good in clothes and a f**kuva lot better out of them.” His grin faded, his eyes changed, they warmed in a way they warmed me and he finished, “So don’t worry about that. If it happens, roll with it, I’m here and I’ll roll with it with you.”
I stared into his warm eyes, they didn’t move, they held mine, firm and steady and the warmth didn’t cool.
He was going to roll with it with me. Like my Dad taking my hand in the haunted house, while everything around me was scary, Sam was offering to take my hand, make me safe and lead me through.
Wherever you are, however you got there, if it’s good, you’re meant to be there either because you earned it or life led you there and you were smart enough to hold on.