He was quiet while he speculated on my proposal, then said, “I guess we can try it, but I think you should stay with Forbes because it will just make it more difficult if we’re both single.”
I shook my head violently. “No. Forbes isn’t the one I love and I don’t want to be his girlfriend anymore.”
“It does my heart good to hear that, but I think we’re setting ourselves up for failure as friends if we’re both available.”
I wanted to fail at being friends because I felt nauseated by the thought of him with another. “Does that mean I have to see you with someone else?”
“No. If it’s not safe for you to have a relationship with me, it won’t be safe for anyone else either. I don’t mind because I can’t see myself with anyone other than you.”
I wanted him to be happy, but I was glad I wouldn’t have to see him with another girl. I thought of the pain he would experience from seeing me with Forbes and said, “It isn’t fair. You shouldn’t have to see me with Forbes.”
“I’m being selfish by telling you to stay with him because I know you don’t love him. If you were with someone else, I would be worried and constantly wondering if I was standing by and watching you fall in love with someone else.
“So, this is it?” I asked, painfully.
He let go of me and the removal of his touch was like a painful withdrawal. “This is it. Friends from this point on.”
I looked around at the parking lot, then at my watch. I saw we were late for homeroom because we had talked much longer than I intended. “We’re late.”
He smiled and said, “Yeah, I know, but I don’t care.”
I took another look around. The parking lot was full of cars, but their occupants were long gone. “If we’re going to be late, we shouldn’t be just a little late. If we have to take a tardy, one minute is no different from ten minutes.”
He smiled and narrowed his eyes at me. “What are you getting at, Princess, because I know there’s a hidden meaning there that I’m not seeing?”
My heart rejoiced when he called me Princess because I loved it so. I scooted so closely to him air could barely separate us. “I need a moment to say goodbye if we’re only friends from this point on.”
He pulled back slightly and said, “I don’t think that’s a very good idea. You know it’s going to start something that we’ve clearly decided should end.”
“You decided it should end,” I reminded him. “And I’m not letting you go until I get a proper goodbye.”
I leaned around and tilted my face toward his to take the kiss I deserved. I teased him at first by placing a light kiss on his mouth, then sucked his bottom lip into my mouth and tugged on it lightly. I prolonged the playfulness of our kiss another minute, then heard him moan lightly and it sent me into orbit. I simultaneously knew I loved him with all my heart, but was never going to be like this with again and I felt an intense desire to make the most of it.
I raised onto my knees and climbed across him with a knee on each side of his leg and he didn’t stop me like I thought he would. Instead, he reached under my skirt and pulled my hips hard against him as he pressed himself against me firmly. I reached down for the button on his jeans and said, “I want you to do it. Right now. I don’t want to wait any longer.”
He reached down to help me with his jeans, then I realized I was wrong. He grabbed my hand instead and stopped me from going further, but I continued kissing him down his neck even as he told me, “This isn’t what you want.”
Between kisses, I muttered, “The hell it’s not. I’ve never wanted anything more than you right now.”
He grabbed my shoulders and gently pushed me away. “We are not doing this in the school parking lot in a parked vehicle for anyone to walk by and see.”
I was desperate to not lose this moment. I licked my lips while I looked at his mouth and said, “Take me to your house, then. Take me to get a room. Drive away from here and park where no one can see us. I don’t care.”
I felt the tears building and I covered my face when I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I heaved from the sudden uncontrollable sobbing and said, “I just want to be with you. I don’t care where.”
When I opened my eyes, Jessie was crying with me and he pulled me closer so that my forehead rested against his. “I know. I know.”
I sat straddled on top of him and we held on for dear life while we both cried about our imminent goodbye. When it felt like I didn’t have anymore tears to cry, Jessie whispered, “We have to go in.”
I knew he was right. He was always the voice of reason, but I squeezed a little tighter and hoarsely said, “Give me one more minute, just one more, then we will.”
He gave me five more and I cherished each one like it was the last I’d ever have with him because for all I knew, it was.
32 Accidental Grazes
Jessie
It was a silly notion to think Claire and I could have a goodbye kiss that didn’t turn into…that. The physical attraction we shared was crazy and I agreed to her proposed goodbye knowing it would be intense, but never dreamed we would end up crying in each another’s arms like we would never meet again.
We stood side by side at the office window waiting for our tardy slips and she allowed her fingers to graze mine, sending a tingling sensation all over my body. I thought it was an accident, but when she did it a second time, I looked at her and silently mouthed the word, “Stop.”
Although she smiled devilishly, she looked like she might begin to cry again. Her eyes were swollen and bloodshot, making them look even greener, and I thought she never looked more beautiful because I knew the tears she shed were for me and the loss of her hope for us being together.
She slowly grazed my hand with hers a third time. I looked around for prying eyes, then reached for her hand and brought to my lips for a quick kiss. This brought a true smile to her face and I promised myself we would do better tomorrow because I just wanted to make her happy today.
After we received our tardy slips, we walked toward our first period classes. We came upon my classroom first and she said, “I’ll see you in Humanities.”
I looked down to see how late we were. Yikes, we were really late for class. “Yeah, pretty soon judging by the time on my watch.”
She walked away backwards and said, “Good,” before she turned around to go to class. I stood next to my classroom door watching her make her way down the hall. She turned around to see if I was still there watching her and smiled when she saw that I was.