He sighed heavily again. “I don’t want to create a wedge between us.”
“Then, don’t let it,” I urged.
“Okay, fine. Your mother and I will discuss it, and we’ll find a time to come down and have a proper meeting with the young man. Is his band still touring? When would be convenient?”
“Oh my God!” I cried. I’d never expected my dad to agree. It wasn’t a statement that said he was okay with me dating Grant, but it was a step in the right direction. “No. No, he’s not on tour right now. Anytime is good. I can double-check with him, but whenever you’re free should be fine.”
We chatted for a few minutes after that before he had to get off the phone to get back to work. I knew that everything wasn’t fixed. I knew that my father still likely saw this whole thing as a phase, something I’d get over. But I knew better. Eventually, he’d see it, too.
I’d made it halfway back to Grant’s house when I received an incoming call from him. “Hey! I’m on my way back to you.”
“You’ll never guess what happened!”
“What?” I asked.
“Hollis called at the beginning of rehearsal. Within the month, we’re leaving for L.A. to record our debut studio album!”
“Grant, that’s amazing! Congratulations!”
“I had to call you and let you know. How did things go with your family?”
“Better than expected,” I admitted. “My father is finding out when he and my mom can come down here to meet you again…try to get to know the real Grant McDermott.”
“Princess, the real Grant McDermott would scare them shitless.”
I cracked up. “You’re ridiculous. A real charmer.”
“That’s fucking right. So, when are they coming to visit? We’re planning another League show since we’re back in town. Maybe they could come see the band? See that we’re not some hooligans or whatever the fuck they probably think.”
“Hooligans? Really?” I shook my head. “I’ll find out when they’ll be here, but hopefully, they can make a show. I think that’s a great idea.”
“I think you’re a great idea. Hurry up and get your hot body over here, so we can celebrate.”
I rushed over to Grant’s house and let his tender kisses, wandering hands, and effortless lovemaking wash away the events of the last couple of days.
In his arms, I was home.
Two and a half weeks later, I stared through the smudged glass window of The Coffee Bean at the mostly empty location. During the school year, the small coffee shop was jam-packed with students studying. I’d brought Ari here once when I was first pursuing her. I could see our booth from where I was standing.
A girl jostled me out of the way as she reached for the door. “Excuse me,” she said in a way that made her sound like a rude bitch.
“Sure thing,” I said sarcastically.
All I had to do was go inside.
Open the door.
Walk one foot in front of the other.
Sit down.
It was that simple yet that difficult.
Why had I agreed to do this?
All the confidence and fucking swagger in the world couldn’t make me feel any better about the situation. But I couldn’t go back now. It had been my decision after all. Everyone else might have agreed that it was in my best interest as they nudged me in the direction, but ultimately, I’d made the choice.
Taking a deep breath and reminding myself that I wasn’t a fucking pussy, I opened the door to The Coffee Bean and walked toward a booth in the back of the shop where my dad was seated. When I reached the table, my father’s head tilted up and looked at me.
“Grant,” he said, surprised, as if he hadn’t believed I’d actually show.
I plopped my ass down in the seat across from him, crossed my arms, and slouched backward. No fucking way was I letting my guard down through this exchange. I still didn’t trust him. “Let’s get this over with. I’ve got other shit to do.”
The surprise on his face evaporated. No fucking lovey-dovey moments for me. I couldn’t forget who this was just because we were having one conversation. I was willing to hear him out, but I didn’t have to make it easy for him.
“Right. What are your plans?” he asked.
“Does it matter?”
“Just curious about your life, Grant.”
“And you have a lot of time to make up for.”
He clenched his jaw. “I do. You’re right.” His whole face slackened, and he took a shuddering breath. “I have a lot more to make up for than time, too. I…I want you to know that I am so sorry about everything that happened.” He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “That night with your mother should never have happened. I take full responsibility for my actions, but it should never have happened. You were way too young to witness something so traumatizing.”
I turned my head away from his words. They hit so close to home. It was the exact thing I’d been pushing away my entire life. They were the same words Ari had said to me the night she had found out what happened.
“I loved her so much, Grant. She was too young to die. She should have been here to raise you.” My father covered his eyes with his hand and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. God, I can’t even get this all out. I want to apologize the right way. I know I don’t know what you went through afterward, but I know that I was depressed beyond belief. I was so guilt-ridden. I contemplated killing myself. It felt easier than dealing with the pain.”
“Really?” I asked, surprised despite myself.
“Yes. It was rock-bottom for me. It’s what made me decide to go to therapy. After what I’d done, I knew I couldn’t leave you all alone without either parent. So, I want you to know I’ll be here, trying to make it up to you, for as long as you’ll let me.”
“Yeah,” I said, reeling slightly from the stark apology. “So, what exactly is this? What do you want from me?”
“What do I want from you? Grant, I’m your father. I want to get to know you. Is that so hard to believe?”
It actually was. How could the person who had said and done such horrible things think one heartfelt apology and getting to know me would change anything? That wasn’t fucking reality.
Then, Ari’s words from the first day when I’d seen my dad nagged at me.
“If you can change as much as you have in the past six months with me, it’s not inconceivable to think he’s changed in thirteen years.”