My body shook as I stared at the small bullet hole. I didn’t know if I had been standing in the way of that bullet and Mike had saved me from being shot, or if when Grant’s arm had jerked, the bullet had been thrown off course. Either way, all I knew was that Grant had fired his weapon, and I could have been injured.
I could have been killed.
“Ari,” Grant murmured, all the emotion flooding back into his voice.
Our eyes met across the short distance between us. The anguish that had been plaguing him since he was a kid resurfaced with full force. He was the guy all over again who had poured his soul out to me at the ski lodge, who hadn’t been afraid to show me his favorite place at the beach where he would think about everything that had happened to him, and who had placed his heart in my hands despite his fear of giving it away.
Grant’s hand went slack, and I watched as Mike easily disarmed him, popped out the magazine, and actually disassembled the weapon as if it were the easiest, most natural thing he’d ever done in his life.
“I wasn’t going to shoot you,” Grant said automatically. He rushed over and collapsed onto the ground next to me, pulling me into his arms. “I’d never hurt you. Oh God, I never want to hurt you.”
“It’s okay. I know. I know.” I tightly wrapped my arms around him. It didn’t matter that I was the one who had been shot at. I found myself comforting him. My hand slid up and down his back, and I kissed his cheek. I couldn’t hide the fact that I was trembling.
“Fuck.” His dad sighed heavily and then ran his hand down his face. “I never expected it to come to this. I should have told you on the phone why I wanted to see you in person. Christ, I should have told you as soon as I got out of jail. I should have told you even sooner than that.”
I could tell Grant hated himself right now for what had almost happened. He didn’t want to hear what his dad had to say. He never had.
“Tell him what?” I prodded.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything.” His dad fell to his knees before his son. “I wanted to tell you in person. I wanted to apologize for what had happened. That’s what I told Randy, but we never expected this. Grant, you have to know that I never meant to hurt her—your mother. I loved her so much…like you love Ari. And I shouldn’t have blamed you. You were just a kid, and I was supposed to be the parent. I was supposed to be the adult.”
Tears welled in his eyes, and I could hardly hold in my own at his admission.
Finally…finally, Grant turned his head and looked at his father. There was a mix of shock and revulsion and hope and pain on his face. He had never thought that he would ever hear these words.
“I know I did unspeakable things. I know that you have no reason to forgive me, and I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But all I want…all I’ve ever wanted, once I got help, is to make things right…to reach my son again. You’re all I have left.”
“I don’t know how I can believe the words coming out of your mouth,” Grant said harshly.
“I understand. And I know things aren’t going to make sense right away with us. We’ve been living different lives. We’re separated by thirteen years and blood on my hands. But I loved your mother with all my heart. I’ve been tormented by her death for just as long as you. I want us to be able to reconcile.”
Grant slowly stood from the ground and carefully helped me up next to him. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder, tightly holding me in place as if to make sure I was still there and safe. “I don’t want to reconcile anything with you. I don’t want a relationship with you. You were the one person in my entire life I have tried so hard not to become. So, you’re fucking right. You don’t deserve my forgiveness.”
“Grant, please,” Mike said, standing and reaching out for him.
Grant took a step back, dragging me with him. “Don’t touch me. Don’t come near me. You came here to talk to me. I listened to what you had to say. That’s all you asked for, and frankly, it’s more than I should have been forced to put up with. Now, get the fuck out of my house.”
Mike sighed. “You’re right. But I want us to know each other again…sometime…when you’re ready.” He nodded at us both. “Ari, I’m sorry you were brought into this. Please…take care of my son.”
I swallowed hard as he left the house, and I closed the door behind him, leaving us in stone-cold silence with a bullet hole in the wall, a disassembled gun on the ground, and my boyfriend’s heart in tatters.
Everything rushed to me at once.
I’d pulled a gun on my father.
I’d almost shot Ari.
My father had apologized.
I’d almost shot Ari.
No matter what else had happened in the span of the last half an hour, that reality seemed to hit me the hardest. I could have killed my girlfriend, the love of my fucking life, just like my father had killed my mother.
I was a monster.
I was a fucking monster.
As soon as the door closed behind my dad, I dropped painfully onto my knees and buried my head in my hands. A sob tried to rack my body, but I pushed it deep down inside of me. In a matter of minutes, my dad had cracked open the black hole where I’d stored thirteen years of depression, anger, pain, and endless and bottomless eternal grief.
I fucking hated him. I hated everything he stood for. I hated that we were even related. I hated that he could come here and lie to my face. I hated that it still affected me.
My fist connected with the ground over and over again until I was spent, and my knuckles were throbbing. How could this have fucking happened?
“Grant,” Ari whispered behind me.
Fuck! Fucking fuck!
I jumped to my feet and pulled her trembling body into my arms. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I never want to hurt you, not ever, Ari.”
“It’s okay, Grant. I’m fine. I’m not hurt.”
“It’s not fucking okay. I should never have pulled that trigger.”
“I can agree with that.” Her hands came up to cup my face. “But are you okay?”
I couldn’t meet her eyes that were filled with love and concern. How could she even look at me like that? I could have killed her. I escaped her gaze by burying my face into her neck.
“I don’t deserve you, Princess.”
“Why don’t you let me be the judge of that?”
“I dragged you into this, into all of this. I’ve put your life at risk time and time again. I can’t keep fucking putting you in harm’s way. And I clearly can’t protect you. I only make things fucking worse.”