I shrugged. “I still don’t want to know.”
“But I do!” Ari said. “You promised.”
And I had. I would promise her the world for the pain I’d fucking put her through. She shouldn’t have had to deal with my father showing up, unannounced, at her place, stalking her, and she certainly shouldn’t have had to deal with me almost shooting her.
“Fine.”
“While your father was in prison, he didn’t sit in there and fester. He was released on parole for good behavior. He’d completely passed the psych exam they’d put him through. He had gone through years of therapy for PTSD, frequently seeing a specialist in military psychiatry, and worked with doctors to medicate the problems he was having. When he got out of jail, he was set up in a halfway house in between here and Princeton. He’s been working part-time as a mechanic, and he has weekly checkups with his parole officer.”
My uncle levelly looked at me. “I realize none of this can bring your mother back…my sister back, but he is trying to make things right. And the thing he regrets the most…is that he missed you growing up, that he doesn’t know you, Grant.”
“How can you believe what he’s said? He could have made all of that up,” I said.
“He’s not making it up. I’ve seen the psych papers, the medical records, his release paperwork. He brought them to me from his parole officer last week.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Ari asked. “I mean…you know how Grant feels about all of this. Don’t you think you should have prepared him?”
“He said he had to be the one to make this work, that he wanted to make amends. He wanted you to trust him again. He wanted to be worthy of your love…if you could ever care for him like that again. I did try to tell him that you wouldn’t be receptive, but I don’t think he understood. Still, I recognized that if I were in the same situation as him, I would want to be the one to explain to Sydney.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know what to think about all that,” I said finally.
“Well, sleep on it,” my uncle said. He seemed to recognize that I wasn’t going to suddenly agree with everything he’d said. “You don’t have to make any decisions about Mike tonight. It sounds as if it’s been a traumatic long evening. Why don’t I get you a pizza and some drinks? You kids can spend some time here and then come stay the night at our home when you’re done. We can talk more then, if you want, or in the morning.”
“Whatever,” I said, pushing back my chair again.
I didn’t need pizza or a drink to fix my problems. I needed to get away from here. I turned away from my uncle and Ari, hopped down the stairs to the sandy beach, and started out toward the waterfront.
I’d just found out that while I’d been at home, tormented and brooding about my father, he’d been in jail getting top-notch treatment. While I’d wanted him to be in jail forever for murdering my mother, he’d gotten out on good behavior. While I had worried about him hurting me or Ari since he got out of jail, he had been schmoozing with my uncle and swapping stories behind my back. He didn’t deserve any of it.
None of this seemed okay with me.
With a heavy sigh, I watched Grant bolt toward the beach. Frankly, this had gone better than I had expected. I was sure he felt betrayed by the fact that his uncle had known some of what was going on and hadn’t told him. It wasn’t fair to Grant to have been left in the dark.
But the good news was, it actually sounded like his father was on the right path. It seemed he had legitimately dedicated himself to getting help and bettering himself, so when he’d gotten out, he could have a real shot at getting to see Grant again. It confirmed what I’d already guessed when I saw his father break down in front of him. Mike had meant every word of that speech.
“I didn’t mean to upset him like this in front of you,” Randy said.
“It’s okay. He just needs time. And he’s right in being upset because you were keeping things from him.”
“I didn’t want to, believe me. I wanted to tell him so many times. I probably should have.”
“Yes, you should have.” I ran my hand back through my hair. “I’m going to go talk to him. Thank you for telling us everything.”
Randy smiled sadly. “He’s lucky to have you, Aribel.”
I remembered the sound of the gunshot, the sickening tear of plaster, and the way my body had rocked to the ground. I shuddered. I was holding it together for Grant out of necessity because Randy was right. Grant was lucky he had me. Anyone else might have already fallen apart.
My feet mechanically carried me down the stairs and out to the beach. Grant had his shoes off. His feet were buried in the sand, and water lapped at his ankles. His eyes were set on the horizon. He didn’t move at my approach, but by the set of his shoulders, I knew that he was aware I was nearby.
“You think I should forgive him?” Grant said finally after a few minutes.
“No.”
“But you believe them—my dad and uncle—you believe they’re telling the truth.”
“I think they have good intentions, and I’m a pretty good judge of character,” I told him.
He brought his hands out in front of him and was studying them as if they held the answer to his question. “What do I do, Ari? I can’t fucking pretend like nothing happened.”
“No one is asking you to.”
“Aren’t they?” he asked, turning his head to look at me. “By wanting me to talk to him, aren’t they asking me to forget about the blood on his hands?”
“No. You can’t pretend as if nothing happened. That’s not possible. What you have to find is acceptance. You know what happened. He knows what happened. You can’t change the past, but you’re being given an opportunity here.” My throat tightened, and I barely managed to choke out the last line, “A second chance.”
“What if I don’t want a second chance?”
“That’s a decision you have to make, I guess. But look down the road—five, ten, twenty years—will you regret never getting to know your father?”
I waited for him to answer. The sound of the waves crashing onto the shore was the only music for our moment.
“If even an infinitesimally small part of you considers that could be the case, then I believe you have your answer.”