Finally I looked up and asked a question that I wasn’t certain I really wanted the answer to. “Am I dead? Is this even real?”
“The dead part’s debatable,” he said with a wry smile. “Let me put it this way: you’re no more dead than you were yesterday.”
“Then how did I survive the- the—”
“The eating?”
I nodded.
“You healed. It was slow, but by the time they’d moved on to your,” he paused to swallow, “your lower body, your chest and arms had already begun to heal. It was amazing. I’ve never seen anything like it.”
It boggled the mind to even think about. So, with a shake of my head, I moved on to another question. “My parents? Are they—”
“Both out? Yes. Your mother is most likely at her house. But your dad, well, you know he was already- already…”
I shook my head. He wouldn’t be going back to the land of the living, but at least he could move on to heaven. I knew without a doubt that was where he belonged.
“How are you here? Is this just the last time that I get to see you before…before…?” I couldn’t even bring myself to say the words, swallowing them along with the lump that formed in my throat.
Derek smiled indulgently. “You’re not getting rid of me that easy.”
I was confused again, which shouldn’t have come as much of a surprise considering how much of the last four months I’d spent in just that state. “Then what- how—”
“How about the short version?” He interrupted. When he began to speak, his voice rose in wonder and his face shone with admiration. “You made the ultimate sacrifice, Carson. You actually laid down your life for someone else. That set us free. And since you gave your life, the only thing Fahl could’ve taken was your soul. But, even though you made a deal with him, he can’t take the soul of a believer. That’s what set you free,” Derek concluded with a smile. “And as humbled as I am by what you did, we really need to get out of here so,” he said, throwing his arm around my shoulders and guiding me away from the clearing. “Let’s go home. We can talk more later.”
Home? “Wait,” I said, pulling him to a stop. “So I can- I can stay? Here? With you?” I was almost afraid to consider the possibility. You know the whole if-it-seems-too-good-to-be-true-it-usually-is thing. I held my breath until he answered.
With a smile that took my breath away, Derek brushed his lips over mine and whispered, “Yes,” then took my hand and pulled me along behind him.
In a dreamlike state, I walked beside Derek through the snow-crusted woods as we made our way slowly to my car. It was hard not to dawdle. I felt almost captivated by everything, even the small, mundane things. The snow was more amazing than I’d ever noticed. The air was fresher than any I’d ever smelled. The touch of Derek’s skin on mine was more exciting than anything I’d ever felt. It seemed that everything was just…more.
On the way home, I saw that the streets were scraped clean, but huge mounds of snow were piled up along the shoulders, burying cars and mailboxes alike. All the houses looked sleepy and picturesque with their white-covered roofs and smoking chimneys. Evidently, the families were taking advantage of a wintry, post-holiday morning. They were all inside, enjoying their lives. It was so idyllic it made what I’d been through feel surreal in comparison.
When we passed Leah’s house, I remembered her part in my mother’s predicament. I’d all but forgotten about it; it seemed that it took place a lifetime ago. Seeing her house, though, made me remember the friend she’d been to me all this time. And that brought a pang of regret to my heart.
“Do you know what happened to Leah?”
He shook his head. “Only what I could see from the shadows over there, which wasn’t much. I was preoccupied with you, as you can imagine.”
“I doubt she’d be there,” I said, indicating her house. Then I considered that possibility. “I hope not anyway.” I shook off the disturbing thoughts of my friend. “I’ll call them later, see how they’re doing.”
As Derek slowed, approaching my driveway, I asked yet another question that I wasn’t certain I really wanted the answer to. “So what will happen to me now?”
Derek didn’t answer right away. He pulled into the driveway, put the car in park and turned toward me. “If I understand correctly, not a lot has changed. But,” he said quickly when he saw my head fall back against the headrest. My heart had dropped into my shoes and he knew it. “But,” he said again. “You are going to have a chance to save people, or help save them anyway.” His pleased smile set me at ease a little. Obviously this was a good thing, especially if you considered what I’d originally thought I’d be doing.
Trying to see the positive side of the situation, I looked out the window and turned my attention to the house. I never thought I’d be here again. That was positive.
I looked at its simple lines and modest yard. I let the pleasure of just seeing it again, the house that my father and I had occupied together, pour over me like warm sunshine. Finally, after a couple of minutes, I felt a smile tug at my lips.
The backs of Derek’s fingers brushed my cheek. “What’s the smile for?”
I turned to look at him, to enjoy the gorgeous face I loved so much, and let it warm me on the inside. “Just a lot of good memories here, that’s all.”
“Don’t worry,” he said, reaching out to squeeze my hand. “There’ll be more.”
Derek got out and came around to my side, opening the door and grabbing my hand to help me out. “But what about—”
Derek put his finger to my lips and shushed me. “Let’s just be glad that we’re together, out here. Can we not think about the future, just for a little while? I don’t want anything to ruin this. Not yet, at least.”
I sighed. “I know. I’m sorry,” I confessed. I leaned my head against his chest and ran my hands around his trim waist.
I thought about my life now and how much it had changed in a few short months. I had always wanted to be normal, but I’d also always wanted to be significant somehow, too. What I never realized is that the two can’t peacefully coexist. Obviously, I will never be normal. But I could be significant, my life (or death as it were) could be significant.
For the first time, I thought of the future and the man in my arms with hope. I would focus on the good I could do, on the unique opportunity I had been given to help save people’s souls by keeping them from Grey. I mean, how much more significant could life get than that?