I understood what she was saying. And to a certain extent, I might even have agreed with her decision, but for some reason my heart was still holding back from her. Even though I wanted it so badly, always had, something was off and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
“So why the letter? What did it mean?”
“Ah, the letter,” she said with a sigh. “When I found out about Grey, I was afraid he’d be coming for you, too. I wanted to warn you somehow, but I wasn’t sure what your father had told you. That’s why I was so cryptic.”
“Found out what about Grey?”
“She made a deal of her own. She had gotten quite dangerous and I think that living in this world, by this world’s rules, was too restrictive for her. So she found another place and another way to satisfy her…appetites.”
“She did this on her own?”
“Yes.”
“What about my skin?”
“What about it?”
“Underneath, it’s white. Pearly white.”
Janine looked thoughtful, but troubled. “You must’ve come back different, too, brought something back from the other side.”
“That’s it? It’s just some fluke of being dead? I was never doomed, because we are twins?”
“What do you mean, Carson?” She looked genuinely puzzled.
That was answer enough.
“Did you tell Grey about the deal you made?”
“No. I was afraid—,” she began, stopping suddenly, as if catching herself. “No, I didn’t.”
“Then how did she know what to do? That it was even possible?”
“She met someone. A boy. He filled her head with all sorts of lies and deceptions, I think. It wasn’t long after that when she told me she was leaving, that she’d gotten a ‘job’ with a man named Fahl. That’s when I knew.”
She met a boy? I thought of Derek. And my blood ran cold at where my thoughts were headed.
“I just didn’t want you to make the same mistake, fall for the same lies and trickery,” she continued.
“What do you mean?”
“I wanted you to know what a disaster it is to make any kind of arrangements with someone like that. It never ends well. Ever.”
I bowed my head, knowing without a doubt that I’d been duped. And, unless I found a way out—a loophole, a way to thwart him—I’d pay for it with my life, my very soul.
“It’s too late,” I whispered.
Janine scooted to the edge of her seat. “Carson, what have you done?”
Doubts assailed me and the room dipped and swayed under my feet. Had I really seen my father and Derek trapped in the Darkness or was it some kind of trick? Had Derek been planted in my life rather than just sent to find me? Was it all just lies? Had I agreed to the ultimate demise of my soul for nothing?
I doubled over in my chair, a terrible pain seizing my stomach, my guts. I squeezed my eyes shut, unwilling to consider the possibility that I’d given it all away for …nothing. “No, no, no, no, no,” I chanted, rocking back and forth.
I felt a hand on my back and opened my eyes to two loafer-shod feet on the floor in front of me.
“Carson, tell me what happened,” Janine whispered urgently, rubbing soothing circles on my back.
“Oh my God, what have I done?”
I sat back suddenly and for a moment, I thought I saw Leah smiling where she sat in an armchair to my right, but an instant later, her expression was carefully blank. Then my mother was blocking my vision as she squatted in front of me and took my face in her hands.
When I saw her expression, I recognized it immediately. I’d seen it a thousand times with Dad. It shone from her face like the light of a million bulbs and it warmed me just the same. It was love. So when she drew me into her arms, I went willingly. And then I crumbled.
Weeping bitterly, I let her soothe me, just like a mother should, just like I’d imagined it all my life. And it felt wonderful. Bittersweet, but wonderful. She whispered quiet, calming things into my ear. I didn’t pay attention to the words, just the tone. It was like a salve to a raw wound.
She held me like that for quite a while before she leaned back and looked into my face.
“Tell me what happened. From the beginning. We’ll figure something out,” she said with a smile. It was intended to be a confident smile, I’m sure, but it was more worried than I think she realized.
So I told her everything, everything from my skin changing all the way to Nathan’s new condition. I omitted nothing—not my feelings for Derek or what had happened with Leah, though when I got to that part, my mother looked back at Leah with a hint of concern on her pretty face. She said nothing, though, just returned her attention to me.
“Well, that gives us a lot to think about,” she said, rising to a standing position. She reached down and took my hands, pulling me to my feet. “Why don’t you go get some sleep? You’re bound to be exhausted,” she surmised, tucking my hair behind my left ear in a distinctly motherly gesture. “We might have a long night and you’ll need your rest. We’ll start in the woods, alright?”
What her look and her tone implied was that she would take care of everything and, though I didn’t see how, it was enough to appease me for the moment. I was tired of being an adult; I wanted to be a carefree kid again, letting my parents take care of everything. And right now, all I wanted was my bed.
********
A nagging feeling of dread and urgency woke me. I’d been dreaming of my mother. She was walking through a midnight forest, the tiny sliver of moon that hung low in the sky barely enough to light her way. I’d glimpsed a symbol on the inside of her right wrist as she pushed a branch back and held it for Leah, who trailed behind her.
I sat up and looked around. My room was dark, as was the night outside my window. I’d fallen into a deep, numb sleep and awakened to a quite house. I listened for sounds of movement or voices, but there were none. That couldn’t be right. Where was everybody?
Pushing the comforter off my legs, I rushed out of the bedroom to the living room. It was empty, as was the kitchen. Where would Leah and my mother have gone? At night? Without me?
The first answer that came to mind was disturbing enough. The second was downright terrifying. I’d left Leah alone with my mother.
I ran to the kitchen door and pushed my feet into my tennis shoes. I grabbed the car keys from the hook mounted to the wall and reached for my coat, only it wasn’t there. I looked to the coat that hung next to it. It was a yellow parka. I figured it was my mother’s. The cold chill of destiny washed over me as I grabbed the coat and ran out the door.