I smile because he's just so sweet. But I'm not sure I can ever envision his friends and him spending time with Jack. The rest maybe, but not him. Wilder makes quick introductions when they arrive at the table, but with no seats, the four of them end up squeezed between our table and the wall.
“You want a drink?” Wilder asks in my ear.
I shake my head, and then I glance around the table again where a few people are having individual conversations because it's too loud for any kind of group discussion. I think better of it and say, “Actually, yeah. That would be great.”
“What do you want?”
“Any kind of cocktail is fine. Surprise me.”
Wilder leaves, and I immediately wish I had convinced him to stay or gone with him. Rook is on my left, in conversation with Lennox. Jack is directly across from me, and I look away fast before he thinks I want him to come talk to me. By avoiding him, I end up turning to Bridget on my right. Her eyes are narrowed on me, the slightest wrinkle of distaste on her nose as she takes me in.
“How long have you known Wilder?” she asks.
“Uh, we met a couple months back. You?”
“Six years.”
Damn, she had that answer ready fast.
I nod, uncomfortable under her intense focus. Is she just a protective friend? Who maybe wishes she was more than a friend? God knows, I’ve seen plenty of those. She shifts her chair a little closer to mine, and then opens her mouth to ask me something else. But before she can, a hand closes around my wrist, and I’m pulled to my feet.
It’s Rook.
“Dance with me.”
I splutter for a moment, unsure how to respond.
“Wilder won’t mind. Trust me. Besides, I’m a great dancer.”
He gestures for Lennox and Mick to fill our spots at the table, and then pulls me away and into the crowd of moving bodies. It's a faster song, not something that's easy to dance to, but I try. I keep getting hit by elbows and flailing extremities though, so I end up close to Rook, just barely shifting from side to side. I can feel the bodies pressing around me, and I have to concentrate on breathing.
“Sorry about Bridget. She can be kind of a bitch.”
I frown. Why hang out with her then? Why say something like that about your friend?
“She can be really cool. I swear. But there's history there between her and Wilder.”
I flinch, blindsided. I hadn't even considered the idea that she might be his ex. I don't know why. But the thought that he brought me here with her, that they're still friends, is enough to make my stomach churn with nausea.
“It's over between them. They were shit together, and Wilder ended it a while ago. You've got nothing to worry about there.”
Then why am I worrying?
“How long is a while ago?”
He shrugs. “Eight, nine months. Something like that.”
Shit. I was hoping more for something in the years range. I take a deep breath, knowing it's not fair to expect him not to have exes. I sure as hell have a lot more than he does. But I never see mine again. She's his friend.
“Damn,” Rook says. “I shouldn't have said anything. I know fuck all about relationships, but this is a new low, screwing up other people's. Listen, don't be mad at him.”
“I'm not mad.”
I'm terrified. I can't lose him. I just can't. We've only known each other a month, and have been seeing each other officially for a little over a week, but he's already imprinted on my heart. No, deeper than that. He's wrapped up in my essence, my soul. I thought it was the same for him. I need it to be the same for him.
“You're sure? I feel like this is usually the part where girls go storming off or start yelling.”
“I'm not going to yell. Or storm off.”
I might walk away though. Just to get out of the crowd of people and catch my breath.
“He's serious about you. Really fucking serious. Please don't let my shitty mouth ruin that. I just didn't want her talking shit, trying to poison things between you. He doesn't want her, and she's just got to get over her obsession.”
The word rings darkly between us. Obsession. I think of Van. Of all the guys I've ever left behind that kept showing up, kept trying to win me back until finally I had to change my number or move or get a new life completely. I know a thing or two about obsession.
I also know that if things don't turn out how I want them to, I could end up doing that same thing to Wilder. I think of that ribbon of energy that had unfurled while he kissed me earlier, and I do a mental evaluation of my levels.
A three.
I started the night at a zero, and already I'm at a three.
“I need to run to the bathroom. Do you know where it is?”
“I don't think you want to go to the bathroom here.”
“I just need a second away from the noise and all the people. Please, tell me where it is.”
“You said you weren't going to storm off.”
“I'm not. Please. Rook, you don't know me. But trust me when I tell you that I just need a break. Please.”
He points behind me. “It's downstairs. Take a right as soon as you hit the first floor, behind the kiddie rides.”
“Thank you.”
I fight my way through the bodies, hyper aware every time someone's skin comes into contact with mine. It would be easy, just to let a tiny sliver of energy go with each of those touches. I could get back to zero quickly.
No. I can't do that. Can’t.
I suck in a lungful of air as soon as I'm on the stairs. I take them fast, eager to have a moment just to shut down and process. Downstairs, there's a photo of a bearded lady hanging outside the women's restroom, and it swings a little as I push my way inside. There's a girl washing her hands at the sink, but other than that, the place appears to be empty. I push my way into a stall, lock the door, and then lean back against it, glad for the barrier between me and the rest of the world.
So he's friends with his ex. Can I really complain about that with all the peculiarities on my side of the relationship? I'll have to spend time with Jack. And Mick. And probably other guys. Besides … I know what we have is something extraordinary. Not just because of the way he makes me feel, but because of the fate thread I feel between us. I don't know if that means we're meant to be. If we're soul mates. But I know it means we're connected in a way that no one and nothing else can compete with. There are enough obstacles to our relationship without me allowing jealousy and fear to create more.
Already feeling better, I take a calming breath and concentrate on settling the energy inside me. My own anxiety antagonized it, and it's dangerous for me to let that kind of restlessness take over. I close my eyes, focus on breathing, and let everything else slip away but my body and the power. When it's settled, I'm relieved to feel that my levels are not quite as high as I'd thought out on the dance floor. Still above a zero for sure, but more like a two than a three. Much more manageable.