I nodded and stepped back, wiping my cheeks. “I want to be the person you can hold to higher standards. I do. But I’ve gotten so stuck and I don’t how to break free.”
He brushed the hair off my face. “You start by taking control of your life, of your actions, Charley. You’ve got a few things to face and you need to take them one at a time. If I’ve been hard on you, it’s because this isn’t the Charley I know. You face things head on. You’re only going to start feeling better about yourself if you start dealing with everything. First thing…” He rubbed my shoulder in comfort. “Andie.”
I gave him a nod in agreement, sinking back against him for another hug, but in truth, my gut was churning. Facing that… I just didn’t know if I’d ever be ready.
Chapter Ten
When Dad left Edinburgh, he hadn’t changed his mind about Jake or my decision to become a cop. One great day of doing touristy stuff together and one seriously awkward and painful dinner with Jake later, Dad got on a plane back to the States. He told me he loved me and that he was glad I was okay. However, he also told me he would maybe take me more seriously if I were mature enough to pick up the phone and apologize to my sister.
I hated that I hadn’t spoken to Andie in weeks. I hated that right now she was pissed off and that she didn’t like me very much. I hated it even more that I didn’t like her very much right now. More than anything, I hated that she wasn’t there to talk to when I needed her the most. But I still didn’t feel like I was in the wrong. Stubbornly, I refused to call her, which meant my whole family was still pretty upset with me.
And Jake…
I was hurting him. I still hadn’t said I love you and each time he said it without a return, it looked like he was taking a bullet. Along with the hurt, I was beginning to sense his growing impatience. Because the truth was we both knew how I felt about him. I should’ve just said it out loud. I didn’t know why I couldn’t. It seemed my stubbornness extended from my dealings with my family to how I was handling Jake.
For some reason I believed Jake would patiently wait for my head to sort itself out.
Jake had another idea in mind.
It was a Thursday, just after midnight, and I’d just finished a paper. I was stepping out of the bathroom when I heard a key turn in the apartment door.
Surprised, I watched as Jake stalked down the quiet, dark hallway toward me.
The determination in his eyes made me gape at him wordlessly as he pushed past me and stalked into my room. “We need to talk.”
I hurried inside after him, shutting the door behind us as he spun around to face me. “About what?”
His answer was to close in on me quickly, his hands braced on the door on either side of my head so I was trapped. My heart accelerated, goosebumps prickling all over me at his proximity. “I’m done f**king around,” he said, his words almost dancing on my lips our mouths were so close. “I’ve had time to think. I made a mistake.” He pressed his body into mine and grinned triumphantly at the way my breath stuttered. I would’ve punched him for his arrogance if I weren’t completely turned on. “My mistake has been my patience. Now I’m done. I should’ve tied you to your bed until your stubborn ass was ready to admit it.” Jake brushed a kiss across my jaw and I shivered. “You love me,” he whispered hoarsely in my ear, before pulling back to watch my reaction.
I was surprised. Uncertain. Maybe scared.
But I also wanted him.
I always wanted him.
“I know you love me,” Jake persisted. “I need you to admit it so we can put all this shit behind us and start over.”
I felt a surge of annoyance at him taking the situation out of my hands. “Bossy Jake is back, I see.”
“He never left. He’s just been walking on eggshells for the past few months, scared of losing you.”
“You… scared? Puhlease,” I teased, trying to shift onto easier ground as a last-ditch effort to pull back from the destination he was forcing me toward.
“Will you stop jerking around and tell me you love me?” he growled back.
“You can’t push me to say it!”
“Why are you being such a prima donna? I know you feel it.”
“You don’t know that!” I yelled, pressing my hands to his chest again, trying to move him away.
Jake stood his ground. “I guess…” He rested all his weight into my hands, until they were flattened between his chest and mine. Our noses touched. “I guess I’ll just have to f**k it out of you. I’m okay with that.”
Holy… “Ja—” My protest was silenced by his mouth.
He groaned as I instantly melted for him. I couldn’t help myself. I was exhausted fighting what I felt, and I no longer knew why I was fighting.
Giving in tasted sweeter.
His kiss was hard, punishing almost, but I gave as good as I got. I ran my fingers roughly through his hair, pressing my body close to his. He wrapped his arms around me, tightening his hold until there was no space at all between us.
He slid his hand down my back, his fingers slipping inside my panties. He gripped my bare ass in his hand, pulling me into his erection. I gasped into his mouth and followed his lead, holding onto him as I wrapped my legs around his waist. He lifted me easily, seeming to relish my heated response.
He pulled back from our kiss. “Tell me you love me,” he whispered, his eyes searing.
I blinked through a haze of lust, my fingers tightening in his hair as my gaze searched his. “You don’t play fair,” I muttered.
“I learned from the best.”
Giving him a small smile, I trembled at the sound of the blood whooshing in my ears. “I’m scared, Jake.”
Jake took a few steps until he found the bed. He slowly lowered himself onto it, taking me with so I straddled him. He stroked my back in comfort. “Baby, I’m scared too. But I’m more scared of f**king this up because we can’t get over the past.”
He watched me struggle with my decision and I could see the mounting anxiety in his eyes. Knowing the time for stubbornness was over, I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against his. “You have to promise you won’t walk out on me again. Ever.”
His hold on my hips tightened. “I promise.”
Hearing the absolution of his vow, I leaned back to stare into his face. Tenderness, need, want, affection, adoration… it all moved through me. Gently, I caressed his jaw, my fingers coasting, drawing faint patterns in his skin. When my eyes met his again, everything I felt flooded out of me and I watched him suck in his breath.