Alex placed her hand on my chest. “Stop hiding inside yourself, Luke. She’s not going to wait forever.”
Looking up, I saw Libby. She was watching Alex and me. She smiled weakly as I smiled back. “I know,” I whispered.
A FEW WEEKS before school started back up, we all headed down to Port Aransas for a week. It felt great to get away and relax and it was the start to what we hoped would be an annual tradition.
“Libby, you can’t play anymore!” Grace shouted.
Libby started laughing. “What? Why?”
Grace was throwing the volleyball up in the air. “You’re too good.”
I ran up and grabbed the ball. “Awe, is Grace pitching a fit ‘cause she sucks at volleyball?” I rubbed the top of her head and she pushed my arm away.
“Fuck off, Luke. I swear, if you weren’t my brother.” I laughed as I jogged over and threw the ball to Alex. She served and Grace volleyed it back over as Libby jumped up and spiked it right in front of Colt. Maegan moaned and pushed Colt.
“Pay attention, Colt Mathews!”
Colt spun around and looked at Maegan. “I was, Meg. I can’t help it if she’s good.”
Maegan rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’d rather be tanning!”
Lauren laughed as she jumped up and down as if she was warming up. Grace turned and looked at Will, who was walking down from the house. “Hayes! Get down here. Your damn sister is kicking our ass!”
Will laughed as he started jogging. He ran up and grabbed Libby and threw her over his shoulder as Libby let out a scream. I chased after him. “Put our star player down!”
Will tried to turn but I grabbed Libby and attempted to take her from Will. He lost his balance and began falling, but not before I grabbed Libby and pulled her to me. I lost my balance and she fell on top of me.
She was laughing as she looked at me. “I’m having déjà vu,” she said with a chuckle. I thought back to the day at the ranch when she had fallen on me. I loved having her in my arms. I smiled and winked at her. She pushed off of me and jumped up and clapped her hands.
“Let’s kick some ass!” Libby shouted as she and Alex jumped and high-fived each other.
I SAT IN the pool house, attempting to catch my breath. Libby and I had gone running on the beach tonight. I tried five times to tell her how I felt. I tried like hell to tell her I loved her, but all I kept seeing was me sleeping with Karen. What if I hurt Libby again? What if I wasn’t good enough for her?
You’re hurting her now by pushing her away.
I was tired of the push and pull from the voices in my head. I needed to tell Libby how I felt about her, and the sooner the better, before I pushed her into another man’s arms again. I stood up and pulled my T-shirt over my head as I opened the door to the pool house. Libby fell into my arms as she let out a small scream. I grabbed her and pulled her to me. Her breath caught in her throat and she looked at my bare chest. “Um … I … my … um …” She pulled her eyes from my abs and chest and looked into my eyes. “You have my phone still from our run earlier.”
“Oh shit, yeah. Sorry!” I said as I reached into my shorts pocket and pulled out her phone. When I handed it to her, our fingers brushed together and my stomach dipped. Libby’s mouth opened slightly and I knew she felt the same thing I did.
Smiling she turned and walked away. I pushed my hand through my hair and cursed. “Fuck me. I’m not going to make it through this week.”’
I SAT ON the beach and tipped back my beer as I finished it off. Setting it to the side, I looked out over the dark waters of the gulf. I closed my eyes and pictured Libby at the dance club. The sexy silver cocktail dress she wore tonight had almost every fucker in the club staring at her. I sat there and watched her dance with that built motherfucker for three dances before I got up and cut in. I was surprised when he stepped away without a fight.
I leaned back on the sand and closed my eyes. I could almost feel her warmth in my arms as we danced.
“YOU REALLY DO look beautiful tonight, Libby,” I said as I held her closer to me.
Smiling, she looked up into my eyes. “Thank you.” My hand was against her cool skin as I slowly moved it up and down her bare back. I wanted more than anything to press my lips against her sweat-shined skin. I could almost taste her on my lips.
The song we danced to ended and another one began. When it started playing, I had a hard time catching my breath. Cascada’s “What Hurts The Most” was playing as Libby and I stared at each other as I held her in my arms. When the beat increased, we just stood there. Lost in each other’s eyes. I wanted so desperately to tell her how much I loved her. How much I wanted her.
Libby’s eyes began to fill with tears as she began to turn away from me. I grabbed her arm and stopped her.
“Libby …” I whispered as I removed my grip from her arm. I didn’t want to tell her how I felt in a damn nightclub. She turned and walked off as I stood in the middle of the dance floor.
Closing my eyes I sucked in a breath and blew it out. I’m always fucking hurting her. Always.
I WASN’T SURE how long I lay on the beach thinking, but I made up my mind on what I had to do. This whole time I had been pushing Libby away for fear of hurting her. What I needed to realize was that by not being honest with my own feelings—and fears, I was hurting her even more. Sitting up, I sucked in a breath of the salt air.
Standing, I wiped off the sand from my shorts and headed back to the house. Standing at the bottom of the stairs, my heart pounded as I lifted my leg and headed up the stairs. Each step felt like my legs grew heavier and heavier. The idea of totally opening up and telling Libby everything, only to have her walk away, scared the hell out of me.
Pushing my hand through my hair, I walked up to the bedroom where Libby was staying. I leaned in closer and heard her and Grace giggling. I raised the left corner of my mouth and smiled. Two of the most important women in my life sat on the other side of that door. Lifting my hand, I was about to knock when I heard Libby.
“If he loved me, he wouldn’t be doing this to me, Grace. My heart can’t take anymore.”
The air immediately left my lungs as I heard the hurt in Libby’s voice. Closing my eyes, I dropped my hands to my sides. By telling Libby the truth, I would be hurting her again and that was the last thing I wanted to do. My father’s words flooded my mind. I had two choices and I knew which choice I was going to make. I turned and made my way back down the stairs. It felt like it took me forever to get to the pool house. I walked in and shut the door behind me.