It hadn’t worked. Every time I closed my eyes, all I saw was Libby. Every time I fell asleep, all I dreamed about was Libby. I stood and headed upstairs. I was going home for the weekend. The faster I got out of College Station and away from Libby, the better.
“WANT TO TELL me what’s on your mind, Son?” my father asked as we rode along in silence. I shrugged my shoulders and looked off to the west.
“Girl problems?”
I let out a husky laugh. “You could say.”
Stopping his horse, my father cleared his throat. I stopped mine and turned her around so that I was facing my father. “You know, I’ve been your age once before. I kind of know a thing or two about this subject. I am after all married to your mother.”
I let out a small laugh. “You and Mom have the most amazing love I’ve ever seen, Dad. The way she looks at you when you walk into a room.” I shook my head. “The way you look at her when she walks into a room, it’s magical.”
My father smiled. “I do love your mother very much. She’s my life. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her.”
My smile faded as I looked away. “You’d never hurt her.”
“How do you know that?”
My head turned back quickly as I looked at my father. “What?”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “Do you think our love is perfect son? That we don’t make mistakes? Hurt each other?”
“I know you would never purposely hurt Mom, Dad. You love her too much.”
My father looked away as he said, “No. I’d never knowingly hurt your mother, but I have hurt her before. Deeply.” His voice was filled with sadness as he turned to me. “There was a time that I thought I might have lost your mother forever. I had two choices. Walk away from her and never risk hurting her again, or stay and fight for our love. If I stayed, I knew I risked the chance of hurting her again, but our love was worth the risk. Love has a way of melting our defenses, Luke. You just have to know when to let those defenses fall.”
I wanted to ask him what he did, but for some reason it didn’t feel right asking.
“It must not have been that bad. She forgave you,” I said quietly.
“She forgave me because she loves me, Luke. She knows how much I love her. No one is perfect, Son. We all make mistakes. Sometimes we hurt the people we love in the process. That doesn’t make us love them any less and that fear of hurting someone shouldn’t stop us from loving them.”
I felt the tears building in my eyes so I looked away. “What if you know the girl you love deserves so much better than you? Deserves so much more than what you can give her.”
“Does she?”
Looking back I asked, “Does she what?”
He dropped his head and stared at me for a good thirty seconds. “Deserve better than you?”
I nodded my head. “I think so, sir.”
“Have you given her the chance to decide that for herself?”
I was about to respond when we heard a horn honking. I looked over my shoulder and saw Gunner driving up in the ranch Jeep. He smiled big when he saw me. Coming to a stop, he jumped out of the Jeep and I quickly jumped off my horse. He walked up to me and pulled me in for a hug as he slapped the hell out of my back.
“Well, son of a bitch. Look who’s home. Miss the ranch that much?” Gunner asked with a huge smile on his face.
Nodding my head and letting out a laugh, I replied, “Yes, sir. Very much so. I needed a weekend home.”
Gunner smiled. “Colt know you’re home?”
“Yes, sir. We’ve already made plans to go out this weekend.”
Gunner placed his hand on my shoulder. “Good. Make sure you talk to him. He seems to have his head in his ass and I’m pretty sure it’s about a girl.”
My father let out a chuckle as I looked over at him. “Must be something in the air,” he said as he started walking off on his horse.
SITTING ON MY tailgate, I kept my eye on Colt. Taylor had told us that Colt seemed to be drinking a lot in the beginning of the year until his football coach set him straight. One thing I noticed though, he couldn’t keep his eyes off Lauren. I glanced over and saw Lauren sitting on a log laughing at something one of her girlfriends said. She looked up and caught me watching her. She smiled and waved. I waved back and grinned.
Someone bumped my leg and I looked to see Colt standing there. “My dad told you to keep an eye on me or something, Luke?” I smiled and let out a chuckle as I nodded my head. “I know he’s worried about me, but I think he’s more worried about Alex.”
I looked over at Colt. “Alex? Why?”
Colt shrugged. “Probably the same reason we all worry about the girls.”
I followed Colts gaze. “You ever talk to Lauren and get things straightened out?”
Colt lifted the Coke bottle to his lips and shook his head. He took a drink and then laughed. “Nope. She just pretends like we are the best of friends. She isn’t dating anyone, but that’s not very fair of me to be happy about that.”
“How are things with you and Rachel?”
“I broke up with her.” He turned and looked at me. “She wanted us to sleep together.”
I pulled my head back and looked at him. “You broke up with her because she wanted to sleep with you?”
Colt let out a sigh. “No, I broke up with her because I walked in on her fucking another guy. She was pissed at me because I wouldn’t sleep with her. I didn’t want to sleep with her. I mean, I didn’t love her. She deserved to have her first time be with someone who loved her and would cherish that moment.”
I lifted the left side of my mouth into a smile. “So much like your damn daddy, you know that? Romantic bastard.”
Colt laughed and then shook his head. “I guess, maybe it’s because I want my first time to be with someone I love. Someone who I’ll cherish the moment with.”
My smile faded as I looked back out into the crowd. I’d never have that moment back. Lauren was now up and dancing with a few friends while they laughed.
“Yeah, you never get that moment back, Colt. Don’t fuck it up like I did.”
Colt turned and looked at me. I knew he wanted to ask me about it, but he didn’t.
“If you could go back and change that night, would you?” Colt asked. I slowly turned and looked at him.
“In a heartbeat. If I could take away the biggest mistake of my life, I’d do it no questions asked.”