And then he started humming, his mouth and lips vibrating against me in a way that made me cry out. I thought I recognized the tune, but shortly later my brain gave itself over and I lost myself to him and his mouth and the sweet ecstasy. He hummed and kissed his way to my inner thighs, which trembled as I felt another one coming, only seconds after the first. This really wasn’t fair at all.
I let go of his head and reached down, but his pants were well out of my reach. I made a little sound of protest and the humming cut off.
“What’s wrong?” His head came up and his hand stilled. I was granted a momentary reprieve.
“It’s not fair. I want to touch you, too.” I tried to drag him up my body, but he wouldn’t let me.
“I’m sorry you feel that way,” he said, as he slipped a finger inside me and dipped his head back down. “But I’m busy right now.” With every word he moved his finger in and out and moved his tongue, as well. He added another finger and I was completely helpless again as I burst into a million shards of glittering pleasure.
Dusty took me to the edge again, merciless in his attack with both mouth and fingers until I was quivering and unable to move.
“Now you may touch me,” he said, sliding up my still-heaving body. My hands were a little shaky at first as I tried to undo his belt and then went for his zipper. Now it was his turn to moan as I slid his pants and boxers down, finally getting to touch him everywhere.
I’d always been scared of this part, of the actual sex part. What if it hurt too much? What if I did something wrong? What if I was really bad at it? When I’d been with Matt, those things had always run through my head, but in this moment with Dusty, as I stroked him and heard him growl and say my name, I didn’t think of any of those things.
I kissed my way down his chest and saw that he was having trouble keeping himself above me. I smiled to myself as I took him into my mouth, and he was the one making incoherent sounds. I had no idea what I was doing, but he seemed to like it, so I started humming and he nearly collapsed on me.
“Jesus, Red. You can’t do that when I’m above you,” he said, putting a hand in my hair and pulling my head away. “Sometime I’ll let you do that again, but right now, I just want to get inside you. Do you have something?”
“I live with the queen of safe sex,” I said, pointing to my nightstand. “Second drawer in the back.” He reached over me, and I started stroking him again, up and down, twisting my hand a little.
“I can’t even remember my own name right now,” he said, fumbling for the box and moving so he was beside me.
“Are those okay? I don’t really know what you’d like.” Now was not the time to start babbling, Jos.
He kissed me, and I took that as a “shut up, Jos” as he pulled one out and tore the package open.
“I can do it,” I said, taking it from him. “Renee taught me how. That’s not as weird as it sounds,” I said as I rolled it on and he closed his eyes and breathed through his nose. I got it on in one try. Renee would be proud. Or maybe not. I should probably stop thinking about her.
“Are you ready?” He moved so he was above me. “Or if you wanted to do it another way, we could—” I stopped his question by grabbing him and moving my hips up. He slid inside me and I prepared for massive amounts of pain.
“Did I hurt you?” he said, once he was fully inside me.
“No,” I lied. It was more of a dull ripping feeling, as opposed to a stabbing pain. I tried to let my body get used to having him inside me. “Just give me a second.” He held himself so, so still, and I let myself fall into his eyes and get trapped there.
“I love you,” I said, tilting my face up for a kiss. His head came down and our lips met.
“I love you, Red.” I wrapped my legs around him and shifted my hips back, and he started moving. It hurt a little less the second time, and a little less, and then I could feel myself building again, the two sensations of pleasure and pain mixing together and overtaking me. I rocked my hips up to meet him as he increased his speed, hell-bent on destroying both of us. It got rougher and I welcomed it, my fingernails digging into his shoulders and my voice asking him for more.
Finally, he shuddered above me and fell against me, being careful not to crush me. Both of our chests heaved and we were slick with sweat. He kissed my lips and tried to pull out, but I grabbed his butt to stop him.
“Stay with me.”
He kissed my nose and moved my hair out of my face and then pulled me close. We were as connected as two people could possibly be, and in that moment of clarity, I realized that it didn’t matter. Whose fault it was about Nathan. Dusty and I were both alive, and he wasn’t.
We were getting to do all the things he wouldn’t. But that was okay. He always told me I needed to find a guy who appreciated me, who knew how lucky he was to have me. Little did he know it would be his brother. Or maybe he did know.
I wasn’t a big believer in anything, but this would be just the kind of thing Nathan would have dreamed up. Bringing us together, but making us work for it first. The thought of telling him that I had finally found someone, and the look on his face made me start laughing. Dusty finally pulled out because he had to, but he didn’t move away from me just yet.
“What are you laughing about, Red?”
“I’m just thinking that Nathan is somewhere laughing at the two of us for being idiots.”
That made his face split into a smile so wide I thought it was going to break his face.
“You’re right. This is exactly the kind of thing he would pull. I know he definitely wouldn’t have set you up with me in my before state.”
“Ditto,” I said, shifting a little and wincing.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Dusty said, stroking my arm.
I gave him a kiss. “I’ll live.”
“And live, and live, and live.” He tapped his finger on my shoulder and I realized two things at once.
One, that everyone in the house had probably heard us, and two, that I was bleeding. Either one of those things was enough to turn me into a human stoplight, but both made me want to die.
“Oh, my God.”
“What? What is it?” Dusty was on the alert.
“I need to go and take care of something,” I said, trying to get up so he wouldn’t see the results of what we’d just done, but he stopped me and then looked down.
“Oh, Red. It’s okay. Why don’t you go wash up and I’ll take care of this?”