“What kind of thing?”
“One of the guys I live with is in the Steiners and they’re doing a show at the Union and everyone in my house is going.”
“Wow, you know one of the Steiners? It’s crazy hard to get into. Plus, guys who can sing are super hot.”
“He is pretty hot, but he’s taken.”
She sighed and got out her bag of Skittles. She must have a case of them in her dorm room or something. “The good ones usually are.”
“Still, you could meet my pseudo family. If you wanted to.”
“Sure, why not? Beats sitting in my dorm room and watching a bunch of episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”
“I’ve never seen that show,” I admitted. It never really appealed to me when it was originally on.
She shook her head sadly. “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll come to see the Steiners with you if you come and hang out and watch two episodes of Buffy with me on Sunday.”
Renee would be pissed if I said yes without asking permission.
“Deal,” I said, holding out my hand.
Pam called the class to order and I snapped my head forward. She called roll and seemed pleased that I was still here. And of course I was the first one she called on, but I was freaking ready. She fired questions around the room like Ping-Pong balls and you had to think fast. Hannah got a few tough ones, but she volleyed with the best of them. Pam seemed satisfied with both of our answers, and I was glad I’d survived by the end of it.
“Bravo, girl. You did good.” We didn’t talk about getting lunch—we just sort of walked toward the Union anyway. I heard a girl walk by and gasp when she saw Hannah’s face.
“Take a picture. It lasts longer, bitch,” she said under her breath. “I know I seem all Zen about this.” She waved her hand to indicate her burn. “But sometimes, I just want to wear a f**king mask or scream at people or something. I mean, at least in the olden days I could have joined a freak show and made some money or something.” Wow.
She yanked open the door and didn’t hold it for the person coming in behind us, who muttered under his breath.
“Suck it,” Hannah said in response, but not loud enough for him to hear.
We got our food and found a table.
“It’s just like, yes, I have a burn, but it’s not like I’m disabled or mentally challenged. Also, I’m not deaf. I can hear it when people are talking about me, and it pisses me off. But you know what would happen if I freaked out and yelled at people? Fucking nothing. So why waste the words?” She exhaled slowly. “Okay, I’m done. Pity party over. I’ve shut it down.” She made a slashing motion with her hand.
“Keep going if you need to. It doesn’t bother me.” At least she had something to actually be pissed about. Unlike some people who couldn’t breathe without bitching about something that didn’t need to be bitched about.
“Nah, I hate going to that place. It just gets me down sometimes, but I swear, I’m back.” She smiled and picked up her burger. “So none of the guys you live with are single?”
“Nope. Not one. There are three couples...and me. It’s a bit like living in a weird reality show.”
“It sounds kind of awesome, not going to lie.”
“Yeah, sure.”
Sensing my reluctance, Hannah switched subjects.
“So, you found any man candy?”
“Not if you count my other stalker,” I said, picking up a French fry I’d dropped on the floor.
“Um, details?” She snapped her fingers.
“It’s not even anything worth talking about. He’s just this guy who keeps popping up. He’s friends with one of my roommates. Actually, you’ll get to see him on Saturday. He’s a Steiner.”
“Oh, really?” She raised and lowered her eyebrows suggestively. Wow, she was reading way too much into this.
“It’s seriously not like that. It’s not anything. I shouldn’t have even brought him up.” Why had I brought him up?
“What about at UNH? Did you have a guy there?”
Oh, fun. The ex talk. “Yeah, I did. We broke up this spring.”
Hannah’s eyes lit up.
“Sounds like there is a story there.”
There was, but I wasn’t going to share it with her.
“Not really. He was in love with a girl I wasn’t. Took both of us a while to realize it, but eventually he did.”
“Did you love him?”
“Yeah, I did.” I couldn’t lie about that. I had loved Matt, but that love was part of that other girl, and when I let go of her, I let go of that love. It was easier than it should have been. “And what about you? How about we talk about your love life?”
Hannah laughed.
“Yeah, that’s a really short story. It can be summed up like this...” She held up her hand, making a circle. She peered at me through the hole in the middle. “That’s it. There aren’t a whole lot of guys lining up to f**k the freak.”
Jesus, she was blunt. I liked it.
“I usually have to get them good and drunk first, but by then they usually can’t perform, so I end up leaving them to sleep it off.”
Was she serious?
She burst out laughing.
“I am totally screwing with you, and the look on your face was totally worth it. I haven’t really done the boyfriend thing.”
“Ever?”
“I spent my high school prom at home with my cat, so that pretty much gives you an accurate picture of my dating history. I’m not bitter about it—don’t get me wrong. I guess I’m just old-fashioned, at least when it comes to that. I don’t want to waste my time on a guy that I’m not going to spend my life with, you know? I don’t see the point in dating a bunch of losers just for the chance of finding out one of them might be decent. I trust my instincts when it comes to people. Haven’t been wrong yet.” She winked at me and stole a fry from my plate and popped it into her mouth.
I wished I had her confidence in my own instincts. Right now, I didn’t trust them at all.
Chapter 9
“Brought you something.”
Dusty was standing in the lobby of Neville Hall when I opened the door to go to English that afternoon. He had his trademark smile in place and a bag of Skittles in one hand and a bag of M&M’s in the other and was holding them out to me like he was very pleased with himself.
“Okay,” I said, looking at him and then back down at the candy. I really wanted it, but I didn’t want him to know that I wanted it.