“Can I help you, little lady?” Jesus. H. Christ. I paused with my hand on a Radiohead CD that I didn’t currently own and turned to make sure he wasn’t a hallucination.
“No, thank you. I can pick out my own music.” That was a lie. I’d recently discovered The Black Keys, and I was hoping to find more bands like them, but I was never going to ask Dusty. Not in a million years. “Are you stalking me? Because, seriously, it’s getting ridiculous.”
“Maybe you’re the one who’s stalking me. I was here first. You came into my store.” I finally noticed he had a lanyard around his neck like the other guys who worked here.
“Oh, so this is your store? Do you own it?”
“Nope, but I do work here. And I’ve been going to Yellowfield House longer than you, too. So I was here first.”
“I don’t give a shit,” I said, putting the CD back. Even my music sanctuary had been invaded.
“So you’re into music,” Dusty said, straightening some of the CDs, as if he was pretending to work. “What kind?”
“Taylor Swift,” I said, just to throw him. Granted, I had listened to plenty of her stuff and some of it wasn’t so bad. But he didn’t know that.
“Well, we have a wide range of T Swift’s music for your listening pleasure.” He gestured toward the pop section. “I’m partial to her earlier work, but her newest album is getting great reviews.” I waited to see if he was being sarcastic.
“Can you just let me browse without being harassed? I get it enough at Renee’s, and I don’t need it from everyone else.” Wow, I did not mean to be that honest. What was it with me today? I seemed to be vocalizing everything I was thinking whether I meant to or not.
“Wow, easy, Red.” He put his hands up as if I’d held a gun to his head. “Just trying to be a good employee and help a customer, but if you want to be left alone, you got it.” He turned around and left before I could say anything else. I saw him talking to a few of the other guys and pointing at me. What fresh hell was this?
He came back a few minutes later as I was searching through the alt-rock section.
“Okay, so I’ve told everyone not to approach you unless you approach them first, so the store is yours, Joscelyn.” He waved his arms to indicate everything.
“Thanks.” It sounded like a question.
“Anytime.” One last grin and he was gone, off to the back of the store and through a door marked Employees Only. And I was left alone for the rest of my time in the store.
I found a couple CDs, but didn’t look as close as I wanted because I felt like all eyes were on me, even though every time I looked up, one or more of the employees were giving me looks like I was going to run over and stab them or something. God only knew what he had told them so they’d leave me alone. Then again, I probably didn’t want to know.
* * *
When I got back from my little Bull Moose trip, there were several cars parked in the driveway, so I had to settle for parking in the street.
“Hey, Miss I’m-not-going-to-text-my-sister-back.” Renee’s voice was the first thing I heard when I walked through the door and hung my coat up. Renee hopped up from the couch and came over to glare at me.
“I was busy.”
“Doing what?” She crossed her arms and leaned against the wall. I pushed past her and went downstairs to put my stuff away. Of course she followed me.
“Look, Renee, I know you find this hard to believe, but I didn’t do anything bad. I went to class, I had lunch, I went to Bull Moose and I came back here. That’s all. Besides, how can I do anything with you riding my ass at every turn?”
Instead of yelling at me she just tossed her hands in the air and then banged them on her thighs.
“Why are you being like this, Jos? What happened to my little sister who never, ever swore? I don’t feel like I know you anymore.”
“Maybe you didn’t know me before. Maybe that girl was a lie.” She had been a lie. That girl had a metal rod shoved so far up her butt she was choking on it. That girl was so afraid of stepping out of line or making any waves that she never did anything. Never broke curfew. Never got drunk. Never did anything that could be construed as wild, or out of control, or free.
She was so f**king uptight that she barely ever laughed. Or smiled. Or had any fun of any kind. That girl never would have just sat in a dark room and listened to music without it having a purpose. Being that girl was exhausting, but no one knew.
“I just don’t know what to say to you anymore, Jos. You’re my sister and I feel like you’re a complete stranger. What am I supposed to do?” For the first time, I heard the hopelessness in her voice. Renee didn’t get hopeless. She didn’t get weak. She was always tough as nails; she had to be with our crazy parents.
“You don’t have to do anything. Just...give me some space. I can’t breathe.” I sat down on my bed and she came and sat next to me.
“I never thought that I would be this worried about you. You’re the good one. You made the rest of us look like losers. It was hell when our report cards would come out and you’d always have A’s and the rest of us had to compete with that. It sucked, by the way.” She bumped my shoulder with hers.
“I’m sorry?”
“No, I just wish I had been the one who could have set the good example. You know, I’m supposed to be the oldest and all that. I tried, but you were always better.”
Was. Past tense.
She touched my hair. “Are you ever going to tell me what happened last year?”
I shook my head. “I just decided that life was worth living, and I hadn’t been.”
“All of a sudden? Carpe diem?”
Sure.
“Something like that.”
Chapter 8
I ran into Hannah in my bio 202 class the next day. It was cruel, but the university required that we have at least six credits in science, and I only had three. Once again, I figured bio would be the way to go since it would be a huge class and I could probably show up or not show up and no one would know.
“Hey, stalker,” Hannah said as I sat next to her. The classroom was one of the larger on campus, with what looked like stadium seating. Too bad we’d all be falling asleep and learning about ribosomes instead of watching an awesome movie, or a rock concert.
“Maybe you’re stalking me.” There were quite a few empty seats around her, and I hoped they stayed that way.