“I wouldn’t have been as thorough as you’ve been.” He’d been impressed and surprised during the meet and greet with the Donavans. “I wouldn’t have even thought of half the things you’ve done to make sure Gem’s in the right home and that the transition goes smoothly for her.”
“Gem’s going to miss your grandmother.” She swept a hand under her eyes and he realized she’d teared up. “There will be grieving on his part as well.”
“Are you trying to make me just skip the rest of this trip and take the dogs home with us? Because I’m about five seconds away from doing that,” he half joked. “In fact, much more of this and I’ll even snatch Gem back.”
She responded with a watery laugh. “Don’t you dare. The Donavans are a fantastic family for Gem, as Mariah clearly already knew.” She reached into her bag and pulled out dog treats. She passed two over the mesh to Pearl and Ruby, before offering another to Sterling. “They’re not cutie pie little puppies anymore, and placing an adult dog can be difficult. And we definitely don’t want someone taking in the dogs in hopes of gaining favor with your grandmother.”
Protectiveness pumped through him. “I wouldn’t let that happen.”
“Of course not. You’re a good man.”
“Such a good man my grandmother has to test me and you dumped me flat on my ass,” he said wryly.
She scooted closer, slipping her hand to the back of his neck. “I miss the happy times between us. Last night was...incredible.”
What an odd time to realize she was “soothing” him the same way she soothed Sterling, using her dog whisperer ways on him. “So you do acknowledge it wasn’t all bad between us.”
“Of course it wasn’t all bad,” she said incredulously.
“Specifics.” He might as well use this time to get whatever edge he could.
“Why?” Suspicion laced her voice. “What purpose will it serve?”
“Call it a healing exercise.” And the hope of figuring out a way to have more with her tomorrow.
“Okay, uh...” Her hand fell back to the dog in her lap. “I appreciate the way you support my work. Like the time I’d already pulled extra hours on my shift, but the call came from a shelter in South Texas in need of extra veterinary help for neglected horses seized by animal control. You drove through the night so I could sleep before working.” Her mouth tipped in a smile, her eyes taking on a faraway look. “Then you didn’t sleep. You rolled up your sleeves and helped.”
He had to haul his gaze away from the beauty of her smile before he rear-ended the car in front of them. “We accomplished a lot of good together that day.”
“We did. And I know it was you who encouraged your grandmother to help sponsor this year’s big charity event to help save the wild mustangs.”
He shrugged, her praise making him itchy. “We needed a tax write-off.”
“You’re not fooling me.” She swatted his arm.
He searched for the right words. “My family has worked hard and been very lucky. We’re in a position to do good.”
“Not everyone makes the same choices as your family. I don’t even know that I’d fully thought about it in such concrete terms until now. Your grandmother instilled solid values in all of you.”
“Very diplomatic of you not to mention what my mom or Amie and Alex’s parents could have shared.” Diplomatic and astute.
“I’m sorry that your mother couldn’t be a true parent for you.”
“Don’t be.” The warmth of the day chilled for him. “She broke Gran’s heart. And Uncle Garnet wasn’t much better, but at least he tried to build a normal family life. He went to work every day even if he wasn’t particularly ambitious.” Or willing to stand up to his overly ambitious wife. “Gran always said she babied him and she wanted to be sure she didn’t make the same mistake with us.”
“Your aunt Bayleigh was ambitious enough for the both of them.” She shuddered dramatically.
“True enough.” There was no denying the obvious. “She pushed the twins for as far back as I can remember. Although I gotta confess, even their flawed family looked mighty damn enticing to me as a kid.”
“You wanted to live with them.”
She sounded surprised, which made him realize yet again how little of himself he’d shared with the woman who was supposed to have been the most important person in his life. If he wanted even a chance at being with her again, he had to give what he could this time.
“I did want to be their kid,” he admitted. “Gran even asked them once if they would be interested in guardianship of me, but their plate was full.”
She gasped. “That had to be so painful to hear.”
To this day, he was glad no one had seen him listening in. He couldn’t have taken the humiliation of someone stumbling on him crying. Looking back, he realized he must have only been in elementary school, but the tears had felt less than manly on a day when he already felt like a flawed kid no one wanted.
“It worked out for the best.” He found himself still minimizing the pain of that experience. “Gran was a great parental figure. And my mother, well, she was a helluva lot of fun during her sober stints.”
The words came out more bitterly than he’d intended. Thank God, they were pulling up to the security gate outside the Landis-Renshaw compound because he’d had about as much “sharing time” as he could take for one day. Much more of this and he would start pouring out stories about being a crack baby, who still cringed at the thought of all the developmental psychologists he’d visited before he’d even started first grade.
He was managing fine now, damn it, and the past could stay in the past.
The wrought-iron security gates loomed in front of them, cameras peeking out of the climbing ivy. He rolled down his window and passed over his identification to a guard posted in his little glass booth with monitors.
The guard nodded silently, passed the ID back, and the gates swung open. Now he just had to figure out how to say goodbye to another family pet and pretend it didn’t matter that the only family he’d known would soon fall apart when his grandmother died. She’d been his strength and his sanity. She’d literally saved his life as a baby. She was a strong woman, like Johanna.
As he watched Johanna cuddle the dog in her lap, he realized he hadn’t taken this dog placement trip seriously, which was wrong of him. He’d just followed Johanna’s lead in shuffling his grandmother’s pets to new families, not thinking overlong about the loss, just going through the motions. His grandmother, Johanna—the dogs—all deserved better than that from him.