“For real,” Dad smiles. “Just for God sake, don’t bring your sorry butt back in here until you’ve got Jen on your arm.”
I double-take. “How did you… Y’know what? Never mind.”
Dad laughs loudly. I wink, salute him, and tear out of that office like my ass is on fire.
JEN
He thinks I’m still with Carl.
No-one has told him otherwise, and I don’t think he cares enough except to get into my little lacy panties. The ones with the bows.
I don’t know what to think of it. Does it mean he respects me enough to not sleep with me when I’m in a relationship? Or is it respect for Carl?
Either way, I spent all night thinking it over, and came to the conclusion that Bing just wants in my pants. It’s okay, because I want in his too. Regardless of his old reputation.
Apparently old reputation. Do I believe it? Eh. About as much as I’d believe a pregnant woman telling me she’s a virgin. Bing doesn’t do celibate and apart from a four month relationship last year, he doesn’t do them either.
Not that he necessarily does fidelity. He’s about as faithful as a rabbit in mating season bonking their way round the rabbit hole.
So... Sex is good. The best way to get over someone is to get under them, right? Maybe I just need to man up... Yikes. I don’t want a penis. Ahem. Maybe I just need to woman up, and woman handle him into my bedroom.
Yes. We can go for that. We’ll get together, leave emotion at the door, and have a good old spring bounce on the bed. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.
~
BING
People are exes for a reason, and when I look into the pleading puppy dog eyes of my ex, Heidi, I wonder why the f**k she was ever in the position to become an ex in the first place.
“No.” I say flatly. “I have a place to be.”
“Bing, please, we were so good together.” She tries to trail a finger down my arm and my skin crawls at the thought.
“Still no.” I move away from her. “Bye, Heidi.”
“Bing! I forgive you, you know. I don’t care if you cheated.”
Jesus Christ, is she f**king stupid?
“Heidi, listen. I didn’t give a shit six months ago, I don’t give a shit today, and I probably won’t tomorrow either. Do yourself a favour and stop making a fool of yourself.” I leave without looking, and ask myself why I have.
That there, my friends, was sex on a plate. With a f**king birthday candle and sprinkles.
It was also as ugly as hell. What have I been doing my whole life?
‘Maybe you should find a nice girl to settle down with,’ Grammy said before she died. Good logic, not enough execution.
Here’s the thing; the girls I sleep with are nice enough, they give me what I want, and most of them leave without a fuss. I’m mildly, if not highly attracted to them. Sometimes, if I like them enough, I’ll have another go.
I liked Heidi enough to stick around for three months, and become ‘exclusive’ before my dick developed its own brain, and ran after the next girl with a half decent pair of tits. I ended the ‘relationship’ not long after. I might be a prick but I’m not a serial cheater and I won’t lie about it.
But still - Heidi offered me sex the way you’d offer your Gran a cup of tea. I still said no. I wouldn’t even consider it. My brain can’t consider it.
I pull up outside my house and decide to call my sister. Unlocking the door, I wrestle my phone from my pocket and speed dial her.
“Something serious must be wrong if you’re calling me willingly,” Lexy muses as soon as she answers.
“I just got accosted by my ex-girlfriend,” I grumble. “That’s pretty serious.”
“Oh no,” she says in a flat voice. “However did you cope having a busty babe rubbing her plastic chest against you?”
“No need to be a bitch. It was hell. I think I’m scarred for life.”
“I’m sure you’ll live.”
I grunt and rub my face. “I have a question.”
“Go on...” she says suspiciously. My sister, always the sceptic.
“Why did Jen come back early?”
“You don’t know?”
“If I knew, would I be f**king asking?”
“Bing, are you honestly telling me you still don’t know why she went back so early?” Lexy says, slightly incredulous.
“Of course I am!” I try not to shout. “I asked her in Devon, but she told me not to push it. Oh, and she insulted me several times.”
“Oh, boy.” She laughs. “Well, she and Carl broke up.”
“What?” I stop dead in my tracks. “They what?”
“They broke up,” she repeats. “They weren’t getting along so they called it a day. I think they’re both happier now.”
That explains a lot. Namely the kiss she planted on me yesterday.
“So she’s single?” I ask.
“Well, yeah... Bing? Bing, what are you doing?!”
“Gotta go sis love you bye!” I hang up and slide my phone back into my pocket, pulling my trainers on at the same time. “Shit shit f**k shit!”
I run from the house, get into my car, and head for Jen’s. Stopping at a red light, I grab my phone, set up hands free, and call her.
“What?” she answers. “I don’t have time...”
“Why didn’t you tell me you and Carl broke up?” I demand, barely keeping to the speed limit.
“Uh, maybe because it’s absolutely, positively nothing to do with your nosey butt?” she answers.
“It’s something to do with me when you kiss me in the middle of the park.”
“Oh. Hm. Good point,” she says warily.
“You better be at yours,” I warn her.
“What if I’m not?”
“Then you get your ass home.”
“I’m home,” she pauses. “Why are you coming here?”
“Answer the door in about thirty seconds and you’ll find out.” I park outside her building, hang up, and take the stairs two at a time.
Knock. Knock.
The door opens and before she can even raise her eyebrows, my hands are on the sides of her head and my lips are on hers.
JEN
Bing’s hands frame my face as he kisses me hard, his tongue tracing between my lips. I squeak in shock, grabbing his shirt so I don’t fall backwards.
He pushes me in and kicks the door shut, one hand moving to my back and holding me against flush against his body. I slide my hands up his chest and grip his neck when he slips his tongue into my mouth. He hoists me up by the waist and carries me into the living room before dropping me on the sofa. He settles between my legs, still holding me, and pulls back from me slightly.