“You know he always has his phone out. He’s socially awkward.”
So this was where we were at. I could accept his words as truth or I could stew over it. He wasn’t going to admit anything and if he did, would I want to hear it? But I wasn’t sure I could just let it go either. I didn’t want to be suspicious of him every time he went out with the guys. “Fine. Have fun tonight. Maybe you’ll see your new friend again.”
“Caitlyn—”
I hung up. I couldn’t help it. I was so disappointed in him, in everything. This was not the way my life had been a month earlier. Everything was changing, souring. Now there was nothing but anxiety and fear and worry. He called me right back but I hit ignore on my phone. There wasn’t really anything left to say, especially not when I might say something I’d regret. I needed to think about what this meant. Weigh my options.
In sweats and a bulky sweatshirt, both of which suited my mood, I went down the hall to Aubrey’s. She gave me an anxious look.
“What did he say?”
“That it was five minutes and she was touching him, he wasn’t touching her. That he told her he has a girlfriend and she left.”
Her eyes widened. “And do you believe him?”
“I think he looks like he was having a good time. And I think that it had to be more than a couple of minutes if Michael took pictures. But what am I supposed to do? I can’t force a confession out of him. And just because he did flirt with someone for five minutes, does that mean I toss over our relationship? I don’t think so.”
“You’re so calm. I would be ripping him a new ass**le. But I’m a jealous person.”
I was too. But maybe it was my own guilt, because I was feeling confused and hurt and angry. More betrayed than jealous. Ethan was supposed to adore me. He was supposed to be reliable, stable. Predictable. It was unnerving that he would do something inappropriate. It felt like the ground was shifting under me unevenly.
The perfect world I had built was crumbling.
“I don’t have proof of anything other than him being a drunken idiot.”
My phone was blowing up. Ethan was texting me. “He says he’s coming back today not tomorrow.”
Aubrey snorted. “Well, yeah, he should.”
I got another text. Only this one wasn’t from Ethan. It was from Heath. It was a picture of his wrist, with his infinity tattoo that matched my own. You go everywhere with me.
So there was the answer to my question. He hadn’t inked over his tattoo. He’d kept it. Because of me.
I closed my eyes, hot tears behind my lids.
I tried to study, but the words in my textbook swam in front of my eyes. Then I tried to sleep, but every time I was about to drift off, I snapped awake. My heart felt like it was beating too fast. I kept running my thumb over my tattoo, like a worry stone. Like it would give me answers.
There was a knock on my door. I ignored it.
“Caitlyn, it’s me.”
Ethan was back. Sighing, I climbed out of bed and pulled the door open. He looked like hell. Hungover. Wearing rumpled clothes and holding his keys in his hand, his hair a disaster of bed head. He had dark circles under his eyes and he was looking at me anxiously, bouncing on the heels of his feet. He leaned in to kiss me, but I pulled away and turned my head.
“Baby, don’t be mad.”
“How would you feel if you saw a picture of me sitting on some guy’s lap?”
“I would be pissed, I admit it.” He came in and closed the door behind him. “But you know what it’s like- you’re out, you’re loaded, everyone is talking to everyone. I told her I have a girlfriend.”
“So I’m back to being your girlfriend? Not your fiancée?” He’d been so quick to toss that label around, pushing for a wedding date. Now I’d been downgraded.
“Of course you’re my fiancée. It’s just an awkward word.”
I raised my eyebrows at him. “Really? Then maybe we shouldn’t be engaged.”
That made him angry. He suddenly exploded on me. “This is that f**king ‘foster’ brother’s fault! Nothing was wrong between us until him.”
“How does this have anything to do with him?” Yet even as I said it, I knew it did.
“Because I know you care about him and I know you talk to him and you won’t set a wedding date and you come up with excuses not to have sex with me. So I was feeling like shit and I drank too much. None of this would be happening if it wasn’t for him.”
“I’m not taking responsibility for you drinking too much. I’m not doing anything wrong! He’s an old friend.” Though he was right about the sex. I had not been feeling it. I’d had a headache, PMS, my period, studying to do, and a possible UTI in the past ten days, which ruled out sex. Only one of which had actually been true.
“Bullshit.” He reached out and snatched my phone out of my hand. “Let me see what you’ve been doing while I was gone.”
And just like that, the windshield shattered and fell in my lap.
Chapter Nine
All the texts were still there. I hadn’t deleted any of them. Maybe because I’d known Ethan wasn’t coming home until Sunday. Maybe because I hadn’t thought he would sneak a look again after he’d felt so bad the last time. Maybe because I didn’t want to erase the things Heath said to me.
Maybe somewhere, deep down inside, I wanted to get caught.
To be honest.
But in retrospect, at the time I wasn’t sure. All I knew was that I hadn’t deleted them and Ethan was about to get an eyeful. “Don’t,” I said urgently.
Which was the worst thing to say.
And he already was. “Jesus. So he has a matching tattoo. Teen impulse, huh? That’s what you told me. Not that you got a matching tattoo with your quote unquote foster brother. Aka your boyfriend.”
“How was I supposed to tell you that? It doesn’t matter anymore.”
But he was already scrolling back through texts. “He watches you? From the street? Caitlyn, what kind of f**king stalker is this guy? That’s crazy!”
In panic, I got defensive. “You’re just trying to turn this back on me. You let some chick crawl all over you and now you have to find something to blame me for.”
“You’re the one who contacted him.” He dropped my phone like it had burned him. Dragging his hands through his hair, he said, “I’m not going to do this. I’m not going to let this go any further. You can’t see him. You need to delete him from your phone.”